Page 167 of If You Claim Me
So many things.“Mildred is kind and good and all the things I’m not. She’ll get sick of me and my messes. I’m not good enough for her, and I sure as fuck don’t deserve her. Especially not her heart.”
Flip’s lip curls, and his expression shifts to irritation. “First of all, everything you’ve done, however convoluted and backwards, says something completely different. Secondly, you don’t get to decide who my best friend deserves to love or what choices she makes.”
I frown. Of all the reactions he could have, this is the last one I expected. More shots to the face, yes, but not him defending her feelings for me.
“Don’t be a fucking idiot, Connor. Dred is loyal to the core and the most amazing person. You want her back? Figure out a way to undo the damage you did when you decided shreddingher heart was the best way to keep your own safe. She has been hurt by so many people.” All his anger turns to anguish. He takes a moment to center himself. “By the people who were supposed to keep her safe, who were supposed to love her the most. And despite all the shit she’s endured, she is still one of the best people I know. Own your stupidity, and find a way to take yourself off that list.”
He leaves me sitting on the bench, eviscerated.
But he’s right, about all of it. And I added myself to the list of people who have hurt her. I need to fix that—to prove to her and to myself that I’m nothing like my father. That I can love her the way she deserves. That I can take care of her heart, if she’s willing to give me a second chance.
I wait until the rest of the team is out of the showers before I step in. When I’m done, I head up to see Coach Vander Zee. He’s alone in his office when I arrive. He looks tired.
“Have a seat, Connor.”
I take the chair across from him.
He tents his hands, pointer fingers touching. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better.”
He squints, eyes going to my jaw. I know from the mirror in the locker room that it’s already turning purple. “What happened to your face?”
“Just clumsy.”
He arches a brow. “That’s the story you’re going with?”
“Yup.”
He sighs. “The issue with your family must be stressful on top of everything else.”
I shrug. “I have bigger problems.”
“I heard that things aren’t so good at home.”
“From Coach Forrest-Hammer?”
“Yeah.”
“Did she happen to mention how Mildred is doing?” I ask.
“That’s a conversation you should probably have with Lexi, or possibly your wife,” he offers. “I don’t know the story, and Idon’t need to, but if you need time off the ice to sort out your personal issues, we can arrange that.”
“I don’t know that time off will fix this,” I admit. It certainly won’t make things with my teammates better.
“You’ve had a lot thrown at you this season.” He doesn’t elaborate. Just lets it hang there.
“Yeah,” I agree.But I made my own bed.
He sighs. “Look, Connor, you’re an excellent player—better than your stats suggest. We brought you to this team because we see the potential in you, and up until last week, this season has been the best of your career. The pressure can be intense, especially when you have conflict coming at you from all sides. You worked your ass off to get here, just like the rest of these boys. I know you’ve felt the need to prove yourself, not just to the team, but to everyone else, too. I don’t envy your position, or what you deal with off the ice. But when shit goes sideways, it’s easy to get caught in the spiral and let it pull you down. If someone offers you a hand, take it, because it can be the difference between staying in the hole you dug or finding a way out.”
I nod. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m trying to figure it out.”
“Just take the time, if you need it.”
“Thanks, Coach. I’ll let you know, okay?”
“Okay. Rest up. We’ve got a big game tomorrow.”
