Page 63 of Hit the Ground
My confusion only deepened. He was standing in front of my house, checking in on me, finding a work-around on my previous declaration to give me flowers that would never wilt.Not only that, he was looking at me in a way I could only interpret as tender.
It didn’t make sense.
“Can we talk for a minute?”
I nodded, following him to the porch, hoping he’d clear things up so I wasn’t in a constant state of whiplash.
We sat on the steps, side by side, the wood creaking under us. Caleb put his back to the support post and twisted his body toward me. His long legs stretched down the steps, heavy boots resting on the bottom one.
He got started, saying the last thing I expected. “I’ve really missed our calls. Reading without you isn’t the same.”
I didn’t know how to answer that, but that was okay, because he didn’t wait for me to speak. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, eyes on me.
“I have a problem with not seeing the world in front of me and sometimes overlook important things. Beautiful, wonderful things. Like you. You have become such an intrinsic part of the fabric of my life, I only noticed your threads were some of the brightest and most vibrant when you unraveled yourself.” He blew out a heavy breath. “It was your absence after I screwed up that made me wake up to what I was missing.”
My mouth had gone dry. My nose twitched. And I couldn’t summon a single word. I was half convinced I was dreaming, but even in my dreams, Caleb had never said anything like this. Still, I pinched myself to be sure. A girl couldn’t be too careful.
Of course, he saw it, and his smile was so endearingly crooked, I might’ve laughed if I didn’t half feel like crying.
He reached across the narrow space between us and brushed his rough fingertips over the top of my hand. “You told me you’re over me, but I’m hoping maybe there’s a small part of you that isn’t. That maybe you’d allow me to prove myself to you and grow that tiny seed until it blooms again.” He curled histhick fingers around mine, squeezing ever so gently. “My timing couldn’t be worse, but I need you to know I have more patience than sense. I will wait as long as you need.”
I licked my lips, trying to formulate a coherent response. Weeks ago, sitting here like this would have been everything I’d ever wanted. Now, I didn’t know how to trust this was real.
“What do you want from me, Caleb?” I asked.
“I’d like our phone calls back.” He turned my hand over, resting it on his, and traced his fingers over the lines on my palm. “I want to hear about your day and tell you about mine. I’d like to take you out for a meal. I don’t know if you like to dance, but if you do, I’d love to spin you around a dance floor.”
All I could say was: “I’ve never really danced.”
His thumb stilled on my palm, the faintest smile tugging at his mouth. “Then I’ll teach you. I’m no expert, but I think we could have fun together. Iknowwe could.”
I shook my head quickly, trying to clear the cobwebs. “I don’t understand where this is coming from. Is this some kind of misguided guilt thing? Because of what happened to me?” My voice came out sharper than I meant, but I couldn’t stop it. “You don’t have to—pity-date me or whatever this is. The attack wasn’t your fault. You have to know that.”
His brows drew together, and the hurt in his eyes was immediate, unguarded. “No. God, Allie, no.” He leaned closer, his voice low but fierce. “This isn’t about that. Not even a little bit. This is about me finally getting my head out of my ass and seeing the beautiful woman who gave me the best damn kiss of my life in a bar bathroom.”
My cheeks burned, and my heart gave a wild, traitorous kick. “The best kiss?”
“The absolute best, no question,” he confirmed. “I think we could add a lot to each other’s lives. Not just kissing. Though I’m on board for a lot more of that too.”
The laugh that bubbled out of me bordered on hysterical. This was too much. “I’m sorry I don’t have a better response. I simply don’t know what to say.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He curled his fingers around mine again, and my hand was lost within his. It was brand new and immediately became one of my favorite feelings. I suspected hugging him would be even better. “I don’t expect you to give me any kind of answer today or anytime soon.”
“That’s good, because I’m so very confused.”
His smile was warm, dosed with even more tenderness. “That’s my fault, and I’m sorry as hell. From here on out, I intend to be as clear and honest as I can. That is, if you want that.”
“Honesty? Of course I want it.”
“I meant from me. Here I am, showing up at your house, and I don’t even know if you want to see me.” His eyes darted between mine, searching for something. “I never want to put you in a position where you feel like you don’t have a choice.”
And this was why I’d always be a goner for him. Despite everything, he really was a good, solid man. But I was still shaken up, and he was right—the timing was all wrong. As much as I wanted to, rushing headlong into something so intense was probably a bad idea.
“I just…” My throat worked, and I looked away toward the half-dead petunias by my steps. “I need time to think about everything you said.”
“Of course.” No hesitation. No flash of disappointment. Just an easy nod, like he’d anticipated that answer. “I’ll leave you to your gardening.”
He stood, his shadow falling over me for a moment before he started down the steps. I sat there, the bookmark beside me, watching him cross the walk. His gait was slow. Not like he washoping I’d beg him back, but maybe he was in no hurry to leave me.
