Page 30 of Feels Like the First Time
Hawk was determined to live up to his promise—right up until the moment she vowed her love and life to another man. Then it would be up to someone else to ensure her happiness. And maybe, then, Hawk would be free to find his own.
“Does that mean you are coming tomorrow night?”
Hawk looked around the bar and cringed. “Is that your way of telling me my bar is going to look like this until then?”
Bridget laughed. “No, it’s my way of telling you that I want you to be there. To be a part of my special night.”
It was his turn to laugh. “I’m working the party, so yeah, I’ll be the guy behind the counter pouring overpriced wine in fancy flutes.”
“I meant, I want you to come as a guest.” She rested a hand on his chest and he was certain she could feel it pounding. “I can’t imagine you not being a part of my day.”
Hawk took a step back, a big one to clear his head—the confusion pumping through his veins. She’d denied him the right to be a part of her tomorrow two years ago. So while serving drinks was going to be uncomfortable enough, there was still the bar separating him from the emotions of the event. But mingling with her friends, being in the fray with a bunch of people who had known Bridget was leaving him before he did? Actually toasting the happy couple? Not going to happen.
“That might be a little awkward,” he said.
“It doesn’t have to be.” She looked up at him with those big green eyes he could never deny. “We were friends first, then lovers. There is no reason we can’t go back to being friends, and why you shouldn’t be a part of the celebration.”
There were a million reasons why he shouldn’t—and wouldn’t—but all Bridget was thinking about was her night. How having him there, toasting her, supporting her would mean that she was free from the guilt. That she was forgiven.
That if things went bad, she had him to turn to and lean on.
“You were my friend, then my lover, then my everything, Bridge,” Hawk said, a sour taste in his mouth. “I get that we’re over, and I’m even okay with it.” Surprisingly, he was. Six months ago it would have been a different story.
Something shifted the moment he’d seen Ali in that dress. Oh, he’d been over Bridget long before that, he just hadn’t admitted it. But seeing her welding in that dress, the vulnerable excitement he’d seen in her eyes when she told him aboutArchitectural Digest, confirmed it.
Just like it confirmed that the feeling he’d had for Ali had become something much more than friends.
The kiss? Hot damn. That told him he was not only over the divorce, but ready to move on.
“But that doesn’t mean I want a front-row seat to the big event,” he said quietly. “Or that I can just pretend we’re nothing but old friends.”
And that’s when Hawk got it, what Ali was so afraid of. Because there was no way he could go back to being friends with Bridget, at least not the way they’d been before. He’d forgiven her, could even wish her happiness in her marriage. But he couldn’t forget the pain she’d caused him.
Friendships, like all relationships, were based on trust and the ability to be vulnerable without the fear of being taken for a ride. And Bridget had taken him on so many rides over the years, he wasn’t interested in adding another stamp in his passport.
“Then what are we?” she asked, her heart in her eyes.
Hawk wasn’t sure what the right answer was. Bridget would always be a part of his life. Hell, she was some of the best parts of his past. Some of the worst parts, too. But no matter how much he’d wished it at times, that kind of history didn’t just go away. Especially when he loved her family as much as he did—maybe more.
“We’re friends with a complicated past,” he finally said. “And you should focus on the guy who’s going to be your future. I’m focusing on mine.”
The color in Bridget’s face rose. “You mean Ali?” Then she laughed, one of those laughs that was uniquely Bridget. It was sexy, serene, and condescending all at the same time. “I know Ali, she wouldn’t ruin your friendship for a fling. Outside of my dad, she’s incapable of long term—in any capacity.”
“If what you say is true, then it would be one of the few things you have in common,” he said and watched her face fall. “But I also know Ali. Have for the last fifteen years. And while she might not make a bestie out of everybody she comes across, she is one hell of a loyal and caring friend to those people special enough to be a part of her life.”
Bridget lifted her chin. “Maybe, but I know you. And she’s not your type.”
“If you really knew me, then you never would have left,” he said, because she’d know that he wasn’t the kind of person to give up when love got hard. He was a fighter, and would have fought for what they had. “You’d also know that, once down, it doesn’t mean I stay down.” He studied her shocked expression, as if she had no idea who she was talking to. “Are you upset about me and Ali? Or are you upset because I’m no longer waiting for you to take me off the shelf and play with me until you get bored again?”
“I never meant to make you feel that way.” The sad part was she really believed what she was saying. “I’d start missing you and wondered what if I made a mistake…” She shrugged. “But in the end I knew it wasn’t right, and I just wanted us to be happy.”
Hawk wanted to tell her she made the biggest fucking mistake of her life, because he would have stopped at nothing to make their dream family a reality. All he ever wanted was to make her happy, but in the end she’d brought him more pain than his dad ever had.
“Ali makes me happy.” When Bridget’s shoulders sank, he almost admitted the truth. But then realized that everything he’d just saidwasGod’s honest truth.
Ali made him laugh, she made him frustrated as hell, and here was the kicker, she made him a better man. No, Ali wasn’t the typical beauty queen he’d gone for in the past. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t beautiful. Ali radiated a confidence that was as magnetic as it was sexy.
Hawk cleared his throat and looked around the bar. “Speaking of happiness, where’s the fiancé?”
