Page 52 of Feels Like the First Time
“You must take after your mom, then,” Ali said. “She sounds like a sweet woman with a big heart.”
A ball of emotion expanded in his throat at the mention of his mom. She had been the healing light in his life. Always ready with a big hug or warm words. When she died, their home became nothing but a cold, empty shell.
“Was that a compliment, sunshine?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood a little.
“Just an observation.” Ali shrugged. “But I think it’s sweet the way you talk about her.”
“She was strong and loved being right, but she worked hard to make her family happy. She reminds me a lot of you in that way,” Hawk said, smiling when he saw Ali blush. “It was like trying to break into a vault to get her to talk about herself, though.”
Ali laughed. “Is that your way of telling me that it’s my turn to share?”
“Only if you want to.”
Her answer was to rest her cheek on the tops of her knees. “What’s the point of going out, if all we talk about is what I am trying to escape?”
“Going out isn’t about escape, it’s about finding clarity and reminding yourself that you aren’t locked into any one direction.”
“Do you really believe that? That someone can change their direction by stepping out for a little while?” she asked, so much hope in those dark green pools, he found himself wanting to drown in it.
“I do.” It was why he’d been so adamant about a fresh start with a fresh career in a fresh town. Destiny Bay wasn’t a new place to him, but it didn’t have the daily reminders to hold him back from a new adventure.
“And what happens when you want to step back in and everything’s changed?”
“Change is what makes life exciting,” Hawk said. “And you look like you could use a little excitement in your life, sunshine.”
“Architectural Digestwants me to come to the photo shoot and get some shots with me and my piece. They also want to interview me, a little fluff article on an artist to watch.”
Hawk pulled her in for a side hug. “Ali, that is great news. This is the game changer you’ve been working toward.”
“I know,” she said, and instead of excitement lighting that expressive face, all he saw was genuine regret. “But it is on the same day as my dress fitting for Bridget’s wedding in Florida. I obviously can’t be in two places at once, and Bridget can’t change the appointment, and I don’t know what to do.”
Such an Ali move, to have an opportunity of a lifetime staring her in the face, but she was so focused on being everything to everyone, she was missing out on being herself. He knew how slippery that slope could be, had been there himself, and he didn’t want to watch Ali miss out on her dreams because she was too busy making the dreams of others a reality.
“Easy, what do you want?”
“Well, Bridget really wants me there, and I’m nervous about my dad flying without me, and my mom would never forgive me if—”
Hawk gently cupped her face. “I don’t want to hear about Bridget or dresses, I want to hear about you, Ali. I want to hear whatyouwant.” She looked at him with the saddest fucking eyes he’d ever seen—as if her wants had never played into the equation. “Right here, right now, this is the place to ask yourself what would make you happy. No outside expectations or responsibilities. Just a raw, instinctual want.”
“I want to step out of the shadows and feel what it’s like to have the light shining down on me.” And if that didn’t officially break his heart, then what she said next did. “Out of dozens of amazing artists, they chose me. And I want to experience everything that comes with that moment, but it will mean letting my family down.”
“Remember, we aren’t talking about your family.” Hawk ran a finger along her cheek, loving the way her body quivered under his touch. “But if we were, I’d tell you that, first, they’d want you to be happy, and second, and here is where I need you to really hear me.” He dipped his head down, sure to look her in the eyes so she could see the conviction in his own. “What you’ve always seen as Gail walking away and letting you go, I’ve always seen as your dad loving you so much, and holding on to you so tight, she didn’t stand a chance.”
Sitting there, as the sun finished its descent into the horizon, casting a warm golden glow around Ali, Hawk began to crave that kind of connection.
“He loves Bridget, but he let her go,” she whispered, her eyes soft with confusion.
“No, baby, after the divorce, Bridget cut herself off to his love. You gave yourself over to it.”
A quality that both impressed the hell out of him and turned him on. Beneath thatI play hardballexterior she wore like armor, lay a heart so big that, if he wasn’t careful, it would swallow him whole.
“Is that what happened to you?” Ali asked, clearly misunderstanding which divorce he was referring to.
“Nah, I may have taken a longer time-out than planned, but I never left the game.”
And he never would. His desire to find love was greater than his fear of being hurt. And when those soulful eyes of hers lit with hope—and a dump truck of vulnerability—creating an intimacy that was impossible to ignore, Hawk knew that he was ready to start looking again.
He’d been geared up on the sidelines for a while now, waiting to be called in, and watching the desire pulse at the base of Ali’s neck, Hawk knew it was time to get back that laser focus of his, because it was game on.
“And when you’re done playing games, then what?” Ali asked, resting her hands on his shoulders.
He took her hand and slid it over his chest to right above his heart. “Are you asking me what I want, sunshine?”
“Right here, right now. No outside expectations or responsibilities. Just a raw, instinctual want,” she repeated his earlier statement.
He looked at her mouth, which was full and lush and,damn, perfect. Then he looked into her eyes, gently cupping her chin and tilting it so she faced him. His thumb traced a line from her jaw to her lips, while he waited for her to look at him.
“You,” he groaned. “I want you. And I’m pretty sure you want me, too.”
