Page 73 of Feels Like the First Time
“You weren’t the only one who made mistakes, I did, too,” he admitted. “I never fully blamed you, and I’ll never stop wanting what’s best for you.”
“I want to come home,” she whispered, sounding ready to break. “I want to be closer to my dad so I can help take care of him. Seeing him in that hospital bed made me realize that I might not get another chance to make things right. And I want to get serious about a career in event planning.”
“That’s great.” He took a seat on the bench and waited for her to do the same. “You are organized and creative and great with people, so that would be a natural fit for you. People loved how you transformed my bar, and even though it wasn’t my preference, I have to admit it was stunning. If you focused, I’d bet you could even open your own event company someday.”
“I hope so, because I reached out to Susan at Myers’s Orchards,” she said, and an uneasiness settled over him.
“Susan Myers? The mayor’s wife?”
Bridget nodded. “She plans all of the weddings and events at the orchard, and she’s looking for someone to help her with wedding season. Plus, I’ve already had people tell me the same thing about the engagement party, Ali’s friend even said she’d hire me in a heartbeat to plan some events for Sweetie Pies.” Kennedy may have said that, but she’d never hire someone if it meant making Ali’s life harder. And having Bridget in town would cause a never-ending cycle of trouble.
“I bet I could get a few clients of my own by the end of the year.” She sounded so excited, as if she was talking about moving to Paris or New York, two places Hawk would be supportive of her moving to. In fact, there was only one place she couldn’t move. And that was Destiny Bay.
Hawk held up his hands, palms out, in a clear sign to slow down. But he could tell by her smile that she was just getting started. She was approaching this move like she had the wedding. Full steam with blinders on.
“Why Destiny Bay?” he reminded her, because he knew his ex and she was caught up in the dream of it all, not stopping to consider what it would really mean to live in the same town as her family. She would want the perks of being close by, but until she got a better handle on who she was, she’d avoid all of the responsibility.
“My dad is here, Ali’s here.” She met his gaze. “You’re here. Why not?”
Oh, hell, no.
“Because that was the only thing I asked for in the divorce,” Hawk said, panic reaching out and grabbing him by the throat. “You got everything. The house, the cars, the mutual friends. All I wanted was to come home and start my life over.”
“I know,” she whispered. “I wanted that, too. But I was thinking, what if we started over…together.”
That noose tightened until his lungs burned. “I don’t even see how that could work. I want kids, a family, a simple life. You want…none of that.”
“What if I wanted that now? The house with the picket fence, the 2.4 kids, the small town life full of picnics on Sunday and dinner at my dad’s,” she said, and Hawk struggled to make sense of what she was offering over the blood rushing through his head. “What if I wanted all of that with you?”
She took a step closer, her big fathomless eyes calling out to him to make everything better. A part of Hawk, the lovesick twenty-two-year-old who’d waited a lifetime to hear those words, wanted to grab hold of her and never let go. But the older Hawk, the one who wanted something real, who wanted to sink into love and make it last a lifetime, reminded him thatthatship had sailed.
“You don’t really want that,” he said softly. “And you sure don’t want it with me. Everything in your life is uncertain and you’re reaching for something familiar. Using the past as a safety vest, but trust me, it won’t work,” he said with certainty, because he’d done the same thing. And all it had helped him do was keep his head above water.
She wrapped her arms around her middle. “It might work this time.”
“It won’t.” And it never would have, he realized with a clarity he’d been missing. “Because we never worked. It’s easy to remember the high points, and we had a lot,” he said, thinking back on their marriage. “But we also had a lot of low times. And man, Bridget, when they were low, they were low.”
And hard on both of them. They’d cycle from the highs to the lows, but they had no idea how to be with each other in the middle, where things were comfortable, loving, safe. It was as if they lived for the chaos. A place he’d spent his childhood trying to escape, and his twenties re-creating.
“It might be different this time.” She rested her palm on his chest, and he waited for the familiar zing of awareness that came anytime Bridget put her hands on him. All he felt was a peaceful release of the past leaving his body. The pain and the heartache making room for hope and a new love.
“It will be different,” he said. “Because we will both find it with someone else.”
“Oh my God.” Bridget’s face fell, and she pulled her hand back as if burned. “You’re in love with Ali.”
Hawk froze, waited for that word to bounce right off him, but it didn’t. It stuck in his chest and grew until that was all he could feel. The panic disappeared; the itch to deny it and move on was nowhere to be found.
“I think I am,” he said. “When I think of kids and family and someone that makes me happy, makes me better, it’s Ali.”
He looked at the woman whom he’d once vowed to make happy, and knew that it wasn’t his job anymore. He’s been devastated when she took that from him, trapped by the loss, but now he realized that she’d actually set them both free—to find their own happiness. And he intended to find his and never let go.
“I can’t be that with you here, Bridget.” He and Ali needed time to cement what they’d found. Focus on what lay ahead, instead of their past walking up behind them anytime Bridget felt lonely. “Which is why I have to ask you to live up to your end of the deal and leave town.”
“So just pack up and leave?”
“It’s what you’re good at,” he said, stating what was true.
Bridget’s expression turned guarded, tense. “Maybe I don’t want to be that person anymore. Maybe I want to stick this one out, make it work. Figure out what I want and start a new life.”
