Page 66 of Every Little Kiss
“What does yours look like?” Liv asked, heading Paxton up the stairs and inside the house.
“It’s a secret,” Paxton said in the sameGod, Momtone he’d used when she’d asked who was stronger, Superman or Batman. “But me and Superdog are going to practice it a million times. It will be even cooler thanrocks.”
“I bet it will.” Liv set the pizza on the counter and poured Paxton a glass of juice. He crawled up onto a stool and took a big gulp. “So every kid teaches it to the whole camp?”
“Yup.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Just like me and Bullseye did today.”
Liv froze. “Bullseye was at camp?”
“Yup, I was waiting for Grandma, and he found me. I thought he wanted Superdog to chew on, but then Ford told me they had to get a secret message to Ballerina Girl, and he needed me to deliver it. But first I had to learn the secret handshake and then do it with him in front of the whole camp. And look.” Paxton yanked at the cape, flipping it around to the front and pointing to the huge patch safety-pinned to the center.
“Super Star,” Liv read, her heart rolling over.
“Every day one kid gets to be the Super Star, and today it was me, so I get to wear this until tomorrow, and then somebody else gets to be Super Star.”
Liv had been wrong. Her son didn’t need to be around people. He needed to be around the right people. And today that person had been Ford.
Let today be enough,Liv told herself. It didn’t matter that Ford was kind and thoughtful and made her legs turn to mush. When the season ended, so would his time in Sequoia Lake, and he’d be gone, off helping another family.
Carolyn walked into the kitchen with a stern brow raised in Paxton’s direction. “Which is why we should take the cape off and hang it up.”
Paxton shut down faster than a ski lift in a blizzard. And the kitchen turned equally as frosty.
“I don’t see why you can’t wear it,” Liv said encouragingly, but Paxton was sipping his juice. Well, the glass was to his lips, but he was just breathing into the cup and watching the glass fog up.
“At least take it off at the table so you don’t get food on it,” Carolyn said, walking to the cupboard to get three plates, then setting them around the table.
“Sweetie, why don’t you grab a slice of pizza and take it the front room while Grandma and I talk.”
Paxton didn’t wait for Carolyn to weigh in on the decision, just grabbed a slice and ran as fast as his blinking shoes could carry him.
“He’s never going to talk if you don’t encourage family dinners,” Carolyn said, moving the pizza box to the table.
“He was just talking.” Like a happy, normal kid who’d had a great day at camp.
“Well, he hasn’t spoken a word to me,” Carolyn said primly, taking a seat at the table and spreading her napkin across her lap. Great. Apparently they were going to sit for this discussion.
“He just has to get used to you.” Liv sat down. “The more you’re around, the more he’ll open up.”
“I’ve been here for three weeks, and he’s said more to that stuffed dog than he has me.”
“He doesn’t feel judged or anxious when he talks to his toys,” Liv explained.
Her mouth tightened. “Are you saying it’s my fault?”
“No,” Liv said, resting a hand on Carolyn’s, and she realized the older woman was trembling. “This is nobody’s fault—it just is. But the more time you spend together, the more comfortable he’ll feel around you, the more relaxed he’ll become, and then he’ll start talking.”
Reason number one why Liv had asked her in-laws not to move across the country. She’d moved here so Paxton could have a stable group of people in his world, but Carolyn needed space from the loss. And Liv got that, but space created distance, and distance didn’t allow for the relationship to bloom.
“I can’t even count the times I’ve offered to bring him to Palm Beach to spend the holidays or the summer with me,” Carolyn said, placing a slice on each of their plates. “It’s like you don’t want me to get to know him.”
Liv closed her eyes and counted to ten. When that didn’t help, she got up and poured herself a glass of wine. After a fortifying sip, she grabbed another glass—and the bottle—and brought the bottle to the table.
“I want you to know him, more than anything,” Liv said, pouring her mother-in-law a glass of wine, because they were both going to need it to get through this conversation. She waited for Carolyn to take a sip before adding, “But you need to want to get to know him for who he is right now, with all of his quirks and uniqueness, and that means meeting him on his terms. And with you coming here for a few weeks at a time, it might take a while.”
“You make it sound as if I’m not trying,” Carolyn said dramatically. “If Sam were here, he would be horrified by these terms.”
It was like an arrow sliced through her chest, creating a wound that would never quite heal. One more to add to the collection.
Liv set her glass down and focused on keeping it together. Yelling wouldn’t help, and she was past crying. Sadly, she was just tired. The kind of soul-deep tired people got when they’d taken so many beatings they couldn’t remember where the last one ended and the new one began.
“Sam isn’t here,” Liv said steadily. “And these terms aren’t here to hurt you—they are here to help Paxton overcome his loss, adapt to his new reality. And I know we have all had to adapt to a world without Sam, but when it comes to Paxton, his journey had to come first.”
Carolyn’s face puckered as if she’d eaten a lemon, but Liv knew the taste in her mouth wasn’t bitter—it was pain. And Liv wished she knew how to make the melding of this family easier, but she meant what she said. Paxton came first.
Always.
Carolyn carefully folded her napkin and placed it on the table, taking the time to smooth over the seams. “Maybe if you had put Paxton first, Sam wouldn’t have come home alone that Christmas.” Carolyn looked up, tears pooling in her eyes. “And maybe we wouldn’t all be in this situation.”
