Page 95 of RomeAntically Challenged
“Do you want to stick with the story that all these tears are over some guy?” he asked, because Annie was right, the boy thing was normal teen stuff. But Paisley was also dealing with some pretty heavy issues that a girl her age shouldn’t be forced to deal with. “Or do you maybe want to talk about your mom?”
She shook her head as she said, “It just feels like everything is upside down right now.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know. Mom’s gone, if you haven’t heard.”
He took a napkin from the basket and dabbed her tears.
“I know,” he said gently, brushing her hair out of her face. When he looked into those sad brown eyes, it nearly did him in right there.
“Do you? Because I don’t. I don’t feel like I know anything. Nothing makes sense, and the things that do don’t matter.” She let out a shaky breath and shifted sideways, resting her cheek against his chest. “I mean, Mom goes to the store to get me almond milk because I decided to be vegan and some guy keeps driving because of a missing stop sign. Neither one was speeding or drinking. There was no higher power in play, no destiny involved, just this freak occurrence that took her away.”
“Gray told me that the stop sign had been stolen that day,” he said. And the fact that he had to quote Gray because he hadn’t been there to hold his kid like this when it happened made him feel as angry as it did selfish. There was no reason he had to take that assignment. He’d done it because life in Rome began to get complicated, so he’d bailed.
What kind of dad bails like that? Not the kind of dad that Emmitt wanted to be.
“The cops told us that a couple of guys thought it would be funny to hang it in their frat house above the bathroom door,” Paisley went on. “If that’s college fun, I don’t want to go. I overheard Rosalie tell one of Daddy’s patients, it was just a perfect storm, one of those things.”
“Your mom’s life was too meaningful to everyone she came in contact with, everyone she loved, to be summed up by ‘Just one of those things.’ You know that, right?”
“When she said it, I was so mad, but now... I don’t know. My life is just one of those things. You came home for a weekend when Mom happened to have an ear infection, her doctor happened to give her antibiotics that canceled out her birth control, you and Mom happened to, you know, and here I am. Some kids steal a stop sign and here we are.”
“I don’t buy into the wholeeverything happens for a reasoncrap, because if that were true, neither of us would have been forced to grow up without our moms. And your mom and I might not have been in love, but you came from the purest form of love,” he said. “You are so loved, P. And just because your mom is gone doesn’t take away from the fact that she loved you so fiercely when she was here, and it doesn’t mean that her love for you vanished.”
“Love hurts,” she whispered.
“After I lost my mom, I promised myself I would never love again because losing her felt like losing my whole world. Nothing felt right after that. I was still me, but it was as if I was living in an alternate universe, where everything was the same except me.”
“Did you ever love again?”
He kissed the top of her head. “The first day I met you, I learned just how much someone could love.”
She looked up at him. “When did you start feeling at home again?”
“It took a while, but when my mom’s sister told me it was okay to miss her, my life started to feel more normal. So I’m going to tell you the same thing she told me. You’re allowed to not be over her. You’re allowed to miss her.”
“Am I allowed to be angry?”
“Oh, baby, anger is not only allowed, it’s expected.”
“Am I allowed to be angry at you?” she whispered.
Emmitt cupped her face in his hands, waited until she was really looking at him. “For as long as you need to.”
“Because I am,” she said, and he could tell she was trying her best not to cry, but it was a losing battle.
“I know, kiddo. I am too. I remember what it was like going through high school and not having my mom to talk to—it was hard. Worse than hard. It was the most difficult time of my life, and the one person who always loved me no matter what was gone.”
“How old were you when she died?”
“Eleven.”
“I’ve seen pictures of her at Grandpa’s,” Paisley said.
“She was pretty amazing.” Man, he missed her. Didn’t matter how much time had passed—he still missed her like it was yesterday. “Whenever I would have a bad day at school, which was often because I hated school, she’d bake me these cookies.”
“Wait, you hated school?” She sounded shocked. “Listening to you and Uncle Levi talk, you made it sound like you two ran the school.”
