Page 53 of RomeAntically Challenged
“Who never stays in town for very long,” Beckett pointed out. “If he doesn’t follow his usual MO, then it’s no biggie because your contract is up in a few months. And while I’d love for you to stay here forever and ever”—Beckett took her hand—“you have the world to see. Remember?”
She remembered. “What happened to ‘Guys aren’t worth the heartache? Man-Free Living’?”
“Who said anything about involving your heart? Man-Free Living doesn’t mean orgasm-free, or I would have turned in my chip last night. It’s about living your life on your terms,” Beckett said, and it was as if she were speaking Swahili. Everything Annie did, she did wholeheartedly. Halfway wasn’t in her genetic makeup.
Annie had learned firsthand that halfway led to regrets, and regrets wound up hurting the people you loved. Then again, maybe that was her problem. “You mean a fling?”
“He’s been called the Male Wonder of the World. Supposedly one night with him and it’s like you’ve been reborn. I’ve even heard his dic—”
“Beckett!” Annie stopped her friend before she did the wholeI once caught a fish this bigroutine.
“What? See if it’s legend or legit. Either way, you have one hell of an awesome rebound sex story, and you close the door on Clark forever.”
“He’s marrying someone else. That pretty much closed, locked, and deadbolted the door.”
“But this would be on your terms,” Lynn said, and Annie’s belly fluttered for a whole different reason.
Everything in Annie’s life had always been on someone else’s terms. From birth, all the way up until Clark, she’d never acted out or taken a risk for fear of disappointing someone.
“I’ve never had a fling,” she admitted. “I’ve never had a one-night stand.”
Even saying it made her feel as if she’d engineered her entire existence around exceeding external expectations. And maybe she had. Annie was so desperate to fit in, her life had been short on risk and adventure.
She’d learned early on that Asian women were placed in one of two stereotypes: the exotic dragon lady or the bookish curve setter. Annie didn’t relate to either, but the older she became, the more determined people were to label her.
Her mother had once explained that when people struggle to understand someone different from themselves, they find comfort in labels. Annie had a few labels to overcome. She was a woman of color, raised by white parents in a predominantly white community. And she was adopted.
All things that made her different—not relatable.
She found, once labeled, people didn’t bother trying to knowher, and instead relied on the role they deemed the most fitting when making their assessments. To avoid awkward situations, she’d allowed herself to be cast, and even played the role to perfection because, like everything else in her life, Annie did it wholeheartedly. Which was how she’d become a grown woman who didn’t know what she’d find staring back at her in the mirror most mornings.
Damn, she was tired of wondering.
Annie slumped in her chair. “I’m almost thirty and I’ve never had a one-night stand. That’s weird, isn’t it?”
“It’s not weird,” Lynn said, but Beckett covered her mouth as if Annie had just confessed that she’d never licked the bottom of an ice-cream carton.
Emmitt was a lot like ice cream. Moose Tracks ice cream with its swirled caramel and fudge around chunks of cookie dough. One bite would lead to scarfing down an entire tub. Only to wake up the next morning, bloated and nauseous, vowing to never give in again. Until the next lonely night came along, and Moose Tracks was the only fix.
“I’m a binger,” she said. “Work, junk food, Netflix. My control vanishes. Did you know I watched all three seasons ofThis Is Usin a single week? I got out of bed only to get tissues and pay the pizza delivery guy.”
“So maybe you’re just not a one-night-stand kind of girl,” Beckett said, this time without an ounce of judgment in her tone. “Doesn’t mean you can’t have a fun summer fling.”
Her heart raced at the very idea. “I’ve never had a casual anything. Not even friends.”
Annie had never subscribed to the concept of a permanent ex. She kept in touch with every friend and boyfriend she’d ever had. In fact, she was the only reason the In-Bees were still so close. She took seriously the responsibility of fostering and nurturing relationships.
“And I wonder why I keep getting my heart tromped on.” She laughed. “I’ve gone into every relationship I’ve ever had as if that person were the missing piece of me. And hoping I was theirs.”
“Talk about pressure,” Beckett said. “On you and the guy.”
“I don’t know how to do it any other way.”
“Hey, as a fellow good girl, I get it,” Lynn said. “Thinking long term, always doing the right thing, putting everyone else first. It can make you nuts. Trust me, it gets to all of us at one point or another. For me it was spring break 2010. I have a tattoo of Zac Efron on my butt to prove it.”
Beckett owl eyed Lynn. “LikeHigh School MusicalEfron? OrThe Greatest ShowmanEfron?”
“High School Musical.”
