Page 96 of RomeAntically Challenged
“That was when we were upper classmen. Before that I was a skinny kid with a camera attached to my face who worked on the school paper and wanted to be an Anderson Cooper. Yeah, school pretty much sucked. But then I’d get home and there they were, the cookies.”
“Cookies?”
“Peanut butter chip oatmeal cookies. Man, they were good.”
“Better than your mom’s chocolate pie?”
“They were my chocolate pie,” he said. “I never had to tell her it was bad day. She just knew. I’d come home and they’d be there sitting on the counter with milk. Chocolate milk. And she’d sit across from me and talk about my day. That was the best part, that I could say anything to her.”
“Maybe we can make her cookies.”
“I’d love that.”
She looked him dead in the eye and said, “When does it stop hurting?”
“I wish I could tell you it does, because I’m your dad, and dads should be able to protect their kids from pain and disappointment, but you’re not a kid anymore and we’re doing this whole trust and honesty thing, so the truth is, it doesn’t. But over time the sadness eases and the memories become a part of you.”
“Do you still get sad when you talk about your mom?”
“Sometimes, but the good memories always outweigh the sad ones.”
Paisley laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. They sat in silence, and he could feel she was thinking about Michelle.
“Did the sadness ever scare you?” she asked. “Like today was the best it would ever get?”
“Does it scare you?”
Because it sure as fuck scared him to hear her say that. But he remembered to love her for exactly who she was in this moment. And in this moment, she was a scared teen who had to face the loss of a parent way too soon. If he wanted her to keep the line of dialogue open, and be honest with him, then he needed to be honest with her.
“Sometimes,” he said. “You know, it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to admit that the sadness is too much to carry alone, and in those moments know that I’m here for whatever you need.”
“Love you,” she whispered.
“Love you, kiddo,” he said, and she stood up. “How about we go find my mom’s cookie recipe?”
“I’d like that,” she said. “But first, I think I need to text Daddy and explain why there are a bunch of kids at his house making decorations and I’m here.”
Emmitt smiled. “Maybe you should also let him know you’re safe and with me, and that I can drive you home after we make cookies.”
“Okay.” She picked up her phone but hesitated. “Do you think maybe I can tell him I’m sleeping here for a while?”
“You are welcome here anytime. This is your house too,” he clarified. “And as long as Gray is okay with it and you aren’t staying here to get back at him for something, you can stay as long as you want.”
“I want to stay with you because I miss you. And since we’re working on the honesty thing, I also want to stay because it’s not my home.”
Talk about a hit to the chest. “I understand.”
“No, I mean, this is my home with you, not my home with Mom. Everything over there reminds me of her.”
“That’s a good thing. When my mom died, Grandpa boxed up everything that was hers and pretended she never existed.”
“Is that why you hate Grandpa?”
“God, P, I don’t hate him,” he said, feeling like a shitty parent for letting her think that. “We just have a lot to work through.”
“When you’re ready to talk about it, I’d like to hear more about Grandma and Grandpa and what happened.”
He took both her hands. “When I’m ready, I’d love to tell you all about it. I even have an album my mom made with all kinds of embarrassing photos of me.”
