Page 26 of Hopeless Romantic
“You taking your own advice, Doc?” Levi asked. “Because from where I’m sitting, it looks like you’ve taken on a little wear and tear since the last family dinner.”
“The head of pediatrics is about to announce his retirement and wants to endorse me as his replacement. He came to me Monday to gauge my interest.”
“That’s great, man. You were born to boss people around,” Levi said, and they both laughed. “What did you tell him?”
“That it’s a great opportunity but terrible timing.” Gray’s head dropped, and he cradled it in his hands. “Thanks to you, Emmitt, and Annie, I’ve come a long way, but it hasn’t even been a year.” He looked up just enough to make eye contact, and the grief that lay there hit Levi square in the chest.
When his sister passed, Levi had made family his number-one priority—and that responsibility extended to the soul mate Michelle had left behind. To shield them, Levi had put his own loss and grief aside to ensure his loved ones came through the devastation and tragedy intact. That they’d emerge the same people they’d been before was as improbable as the missing wine suddenly appearing, but he prayed they’d come through feeling a new kind of wholeness, and happiness and joy would be possible again.
Had he been so caught up in his own mess that he’d missed something?
“We haven’t checked in in a while. That’s on me,” Levi apologized. “How are you doing?”
“My therapist suggested I do something that used to make me happy when I was younger, so I started paddleboarding again.”
“Is it helping?”
“Hell if I know.” He laughed. “But everyone keeps asking if I ski, because my nose is constantly sunburnt.”
“How did you leave it with the head of pediatrics? Because you essentially won the medical lottery with his offer. You do know that?”
“Oh, I know exactly what is on the line. But then I think of Michelle and everything she brought to my life, to our relationship, all the love she gave me every day. Doesn’t she deserve a year of grieving?” Gray asked.
“A year doesn’t even come close.”
“That’s what I realized. Nothing will.” There was a desperate hopelessness in his words. “So I started thinking, there has to be some point where there is no option but to go forward. Not move on,” he quickly clarified. “Never move on, because I’m going to make sure Michelle is with me every step of the way. But move forward.”
Levi felt the weight of those words like a sledgehammer to the chest, beating harder and harder as if preparing for the final blow. He wasn’t sure if it would take him all the way under or set him free, but deep in his soul, he knew it was necessary.
Worrying about the inevitable wasn’t helping anyone.
“Whatever it looks like, it can happen today, on the one-year anniversary of Michelle’s passing, or ten years from now,” Levi explained. “Either way, she would want you to take the promotion.” Just as she’d want Levi to take that trip. Or at least take a risk, enjoy the life he’d worked so hard for. “In fact, I’d bet P’s next driving lesson that she’d kick your ass if you passed on it.”
“I might suck at poker, but I’d never bet against Michelle.” Gray turned serious. “When Dr. Neuman offered me the position, there was this moment, not even a split second but so vivid, when I forgot she was gone. And I pictured the look on her face when I told her about the offer, thought about how she’d feel when she wrapped her arms around me and laughed with excitement.” Gray lifted his head all the way, his eyes boring into Levi’s. “You know, the laugh when she gets so excited—”
“She begs for you to say something boring, so she won’t pee her pants,” Levi finished, thinking back to all the ways he used to make her laugh so she’d say just that.
“I swear to God, when Neuman left the office, I could smell her perfume like she was there with me, kissing me on the cheek and telling me how proud she was, how proud my dad would be.” His voice broke. “Can you imagine the two of them sitting on a cloud, drinking whiskey sours, and screaming at me to run after Neuman. Tell him that, not only do I want the position, I’m going to rock the fuck out of that job.”
“That’s exactly what she’d say. Did you do it?”
“We both know I wasn’t the ballbuster in the couple. But I did seek out Neuman and tell him I was more than interested; I just needed a little time to figure how my life would work with the added responsibilities that go with the position. He agreed to hold off on announcing for a few weeks.”
“Don’t wait. Take the promotion. I think I can speak for everyone when I promise we’ve got your back. Whatever slack needs to be picked up, just say the word.”
“Thanks. I mean it. But I came here to see how you were doing. Some people think you need a keeper.”
Levi knew how he looked. He was wearing yesterday’s jeans and was sporting fell-asleep-at-my-desk hair. While he’d showered off in the employee’s locker room and changed his shirt, he couldn’t guarantee it was necessarily fresh. But he was handling business to the best of his ability. Loved ones breathing down his neck only added to the pressure.
“I’m working on it,” he admitted, and he held up a stack of résumés to prove it.
“Work faster, because if you miss any more family events, your mom’s going to move in with you to make sure her baby is getting enough food and beauty rest.”
“Shit.” Instantly alert, he sat straight. “She said that?”
“If I said yes, would it make you less picky about hiring some help?” Gray asked, and Levi sat back. “I didn’t think so. Well, don’t spend so much time putting out fires that you can’t find the time to call a fireman.”
“I wish it were as easy as dialing a number.” He had a thousand dollars in missing alcohol to prove it.
