Page 68 of Hopeless Romantic
“Let’s just say, long car trips have never been the same.”
“Did she ever apologize?”
“Not since that day.” Moving only her head, she looked up at Levi. “She did call, though. Once, on my sixteenth birthday. She didn’t say anything, but I knew it was her. There were so many things I wanted to ask, but I was afraid of saying the wrong thing, scaring her off. So we just sat there on the phone, neither of us speaking, listening to each other breathe.” She shrugged. “Then she hung up.”
“Beck.” His gentle caress wrapped around her as his lips pressed healing kisses in the hollow behind her ear. “Nothing I can say could make that right.”
“You don’t have to make it right,” she said quickly. “Listening is enough.”
“It doesn’t even come close.” He sounded angry—not at her but for her.
Possessive guys had always been a hard pass for Beckett. But with Levi, she couldn’t decide if his protective nature pissed her off or turned her on.
“It means something to me,” she said, surprised at how true that was.
It had only been a few weeks since that stormy night Levi had offered her a ride home, but it felt as if they’d known each other forever. Beckett knew from her studies that the amount of time two people spent together wasn’t nearly as important as the quality of the time spent. And Levi was the kind of person who looked for meaning in every moment.
She didn’t know the full affect Michelle’s death had had on his family, but she could sense something had a hold on Levi deep inside, something that he was afraid would never let go. Beckett suspected he was the one holding on, which resonated with her on such a primal level, it drove her to want to help. “What about you?” she asked gently. “Are you comfortable with where your family is in their grieving process? Are you comfortable taking time for yourself, to process everything that’s happened in the past year?”
“The guilt makes it hard to tell,” he said, absently playing with her hair again. “My family needs me here. To run the bar and grill, the marina, keep things going. But I need space to come to terms with losing Michelle. She wasn’t just my sister or my best friend, she was . . .” Beneath her, she felt his chest collapse on a sigh.
She tilted her head to look up at him, and the grief she saw etched in the lines around his eyes and lips broke her heart.
“If this is too personal or hard to talk about, you don’t have to answer,” she said, even though she desperately wanted him to.
Beckett’s gut told her the key to understanding the outgoing and elusive Levi Rhodes was going to be in his answer. He was the friendly bartender who took care of everyone but belonged to no one. A man who loved his hometown but called a boat home. A man who treated her as if she were the kind of woman who deserved romance and devotion.
“She was my responsibility. When my dad died, I promised him I’d take care of the family. Only I was working on my boat when my sister died. Just some freak accident, and she was gone. How will I ever explain that to my dad?”
The twisted guilt in his eyes broke her heart. Even though Michelle had been married at the time of her passing, Levi still claimed responsibility. Beneath all the flirting and laid-back swagger, Levi was struggling with demons of his own, a history of loss and misplaced guilt that stood between him and what he desperately needed.
Genuine happiness.
Reassuring him that he wasn’t at fault wouldn’t make a difference. Beckett had learned early on, when it came to the complicated matters of the heart, forgiveness had to come from within.
Cupping his face, she whispered, “You’re a great man, Levi. I can only imagine how hard it was to lose as much as you have. I hope you find what you’re searching for this summer. You’ve earned a little peace and quiet.”
“What if I’ve changed my mind about what I want? What if I get all the way out there and realize what I’m looking for is here?”
A thrilling shot of panic, and a little bead of stupid hope, expanded in her chest, because he was gazing at her as if she were what he was looking for.
Second note to self: Not ready for prime time with Levi.
Because she’d been there and done that—was forced to pick up the pieces when “things” got too complicated. And if there was one word to sum up her life, it was complicated.
Her ex had even bought her a COMPLICATEDAF pajama set for her birthday one year. And he was tough enough to carry a badge and gun. But as she looked at Levi, thinking about what he’d been through, he seemed tougher.
And wasn’t that a terrifying thought.
“I need to be honest with you,” she said, because he deserved to know what he was getting into. “This, nights like tonight, is all I can give right now. My life is so crazy, I can’t promise any more.”
“Beck, whatever it is you’re afraid of, I can handle it.”
“You can until you can’t,” she whispered. “And in my experience, most people can’t. So I need you to promise to be honest when it becomes too much.”
“Try me,” he said, his expression full of compassion. But it was the certainty in his voice that made her want to believe. Allow herself to be seduced by the possibilities, to let go and see if maybe, just maybe, she had a real shot at being part of something amazing—something that was just hers—even if it was temporary.
“Okay, for starters, I like coffee cake and bacon for breakfast.”
