Page 42 of Summer Affair
“Can I at least drive you home, Cupcake?”
Chapter Twelve
Resolutions from Jillian’s Journal
Don’t focus on what you think of them.
Focus on how they make you feel.
It wasn’t often that Jillian felt like doing something reckless, but standing there under the porch light, with Clay so close she could smell the hot summer night and even hotter desire on his skin, she wanted to kiss him.
They’d spent two hours in that booth talking and talking some more until the talking turned into verbal foreplay. The air between them practically crackled with sexual tension—and something a little more risky. A lot more risky. Her brain might think this was a bad idea, but the rest of her was primed and ready for a little game of naked touchdown. With her doing the touching and Clay pushing her down on the bed.
Even though she was sober, he’d offered to drive her home and she’d yes. She’d had so much fun she didn’t want the night to end. He’d been sweet and open, showing her a gentle and vulnerable side to him that surprised her as much as it comforted her. He made her believe that deep connections with a good man were a reality.
Not that she still wasn’t nervous about what may or may not happen, but her instincts were leading her to the may part of the problem, because as they walked through the parking lot to his car, he rested his hand at the small of her back, upping the anticipation of all the what-ifs that spun through her mind. And there were a lot of what-ifs—sweaty and naked what-ifs. What-ifs she couldn’t explore because behind her front door were a sleeping Sammy and Eddie.
And behind the walls she still kept in place was a scared and broken woman who didn’t know if she could trust her instincts. Which were giving her the big G-O.
“Thank you for tonight,” she said, a sudden shyness bubbling in her chest. “You turned what could have been an awful situation into a fun one.”
“Just fun?” His eyes twinkled with humor.
“More than fun,” she admitted and took a small step toward him. “Touching and surprising and I don’t want it to end.”
“Me either.” This time it was Clay who stepped closer. “I like you being around, Cupcake.”
“I like when you call me Cupcake. And I like the way I feel when I’m with you,” she admitted.
This time when he stepped forward his hands rested on her hips, spanning all the way around, his fingers enticingly low. “Then let’s do it again.”
A thrill zipped through her, warming her heart and other, more private, places. “Like a date?”
“Like a date.”
“We said this was a bad idea.” Even expressing it had her alarm bells blaring—Imminent danger ahead. Pull the escape latch and eject before the painful collision.
“You said that. I was never on the bad idea program.” He was right, he’d never agreed. And it didn’t look as if he agreed now.
She took a big breath and deflated a little. “Clay, I don’t know how to do all this. Be a single mom. Run my own business. Be there for Sammy. Then explore this thing between us. It scares me.” Terrified was more like it. She didn’t know how to move forward without ruining things, but she didn’t want to take a step backward either. “I know we were practicing earlier, but then it became real for me.”
“Right there with you. And for the record, this is all new to me too.”
That was hard to believe. Clay dated a lot of women, and she didn’t want to be just another in a long line. Then again, over the years, she’d seen him with women. But she’d never seen him as serious as when they were talking. Three times now he’d come through for her. From the first kiss to showing up at the hospital, and volunteering to coach Sammy’s team. She knew how intense his regimen was, yet he’d made time to help her and backed up his words with actions.
While he ticked off more boxes than Ken, there were still so many things to get past. Clay was a self-admitted bachelor, had a hectic schedule, and was younger. Even though it was just six years, he was at a completely different stage in his life and there was that other big issue.
“You’re still leaving at the end of the summer.”
His gaze was steady, a vulnerable honesty shining through. “I am.”
Jillian thought back to what Dr.Claire had said. She didn’t need to commit to forever, she just had to commit to a fun summer fling.
“I’m okay with that,” she said, and his lips curled up at the corner, giving her one of those crooked grins that jump-started her heart. “But I have one rule. When this is no longer fun for either of us, we both walk away. No hurt feelings, no grand gestures, and when it’s over we remain friends. Our circles are too intertwined to screw things up.”
He tugged her forward until she was right up against his body. “I can get behind that.”
“Oh, and I don’t want Sammy to get hurt. So, in front of him, we’re just neighbors who happen to be friends.”
