Page 73 of Summer Affair
That phone call had blown his peaceful and exciting existence to shit. Because it meant his time here was coming to an end. And Jillian and Sammy needed a home and stability and a man who would sit around the table for every dinner and hold her in his arms every night.
They were worthy of the kind of commitment that his brothers gave to their relationships every minute of every day. And Clay’s days were filled with training, practice, and the sole dedication that put him at the top of his game.
“Other guys make it work,” Gage said. “Look at Gomes and Styles, who’s on his fifth kid.”
“Yeah, and Langton’s in the middle of a nasty divorce. His wife decided she didn’t want an MIA dad.” He took a sip of beer and set down the bottle. “I don’t want Jillian moving Sammy around if I get traded.” Which was always a possibility. “New school, new friends.” He shook his head. “Nah. She’s already given up so much, I’m not going to ask her to give up anything else.”
Rhett rested his elbows on his knees. “Take it from a guy who lives in a tour bus nine months out of the year. It’s rough on a marriage.”
Clay froze. “Who said anything about marriage?”
Rhett laughed. “Your face.”
“Back up. I’m open to more, but marriage isn’t even on my radar.” Even as he said this, an internal whisper saidLiar. Another whisper reminded him that no one would ever be able to love him for exactly who he was—a dedicated player with a line of failed relationships.
He compartmentalized his life, as a brother, a son, and a footballer, but the truth was he didn’t even know who he was outside of those things. When football was over—and one day it would be, maybe not this season or the next, but a time would come when football would be in the rearview mirror—he wasn’t sure who’d be looking back. And if he didn’t know who that guy was, how could he expect someone else to?
It’s hard to love a shadow. Especially for someone like Jillian.
“Marriage is tough, bro,” Rhett said. “Mom and Dad made it look easy. But you have to show up every day, even when you’re not there. Especially when you’re not there. I didn’t do that and look at me. My wife filed for divorce last week.”
“Whoa,” Gage said, sitting up straight. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Honestly? I’m still coming to terms with it. I knew it was coming. Once we separated it was only a matter of time. But, Jesus,” Rhett gripped the back of his neck. “I have so many regrets.”
Clay’s stomach twisted over the pain he heard in his brother’s voice. If a couple like Rhett and Stephanie, who were both in the same celebrity world and knew the score, couldn’t make it work, how could he?
“Even though at the time I thought we were all in, we were only in halfheartedly,” Rhett admitted. “Between rushing the marriage, being on the road, her career, and not prioritizing each other, we were doomed from the start.”
While Rhett was absorbing the blame, Clay knew better. Stephanie shouldered a lot of the responsibility for the end of their marriage. He’d always had the feeling that she’d fallen in love with Rhett’s lifestyle, not Rhett himself. He didn’t think it was a conscious decision, but Clay had seen it before. He’d seen it in his own life. Women chasing this elusive thing that Clay never understood but people gravitated toward.
Most of his failed relationships were a result of artificial motives or unreal expectations of what it meant to date an athlete. The exact thing that drew people to Clay wound up being their reason for leaving. Although, he’d done his fair share of leaving as well.
Relationships and spotlights didn’t usually end on good terms. In his experience, they always ended.
Gage held Clay’s eyes steady. “With a single mom, it’s even harder. You can’t half-ass it. You’re either all in or you walk away before anyone gets hurt. Especially with a kid who’s already lost a father figure.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Resolutions from Jillian’s Journal
No skinny-dipping.
Alone.
The heat from the day had left the night thick and muggy.
Clay was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering about things better left for the morning when he was clear-headed. His brothers made a good point; unless he was all in, he might as well be out. While his head was ramming it home about the downfalls of distractions, his gut was pulling him in a different direction.
When it came to his career, he’d had a good run. Hell, a spectacular run. Not that he wanted it to end, and he sure as hell didn’t want to be second string behind some kid with a cocky attitude, but he just wasn’t sure he could continue to sacrifice the things he’d come to love while being home.
Time with his family for one. Until recently, he hadn’t understood why he felt like a plus-one when it came to his brothers. He also hadn’t realized just how much he was missing out on with his niece, and he was about to have another. He didn’t want to miss any more big moments.
And he didn’t want to go back to feeling that empty ache in his chest. An ache his sexy and sweet landlord seemed to relieve. When he was around Jillian, he felt as if he could have it all.
He glanced over at the cottage. The kitchen light had gone out about an hour ago, which meant that Jillian had burned the midnight oil just to come to his barbeque. It left him feeling both guilty and good as hell. While they’d had to put a kibosh on any and all PDA, they’d done enough secret brushes and touches to count as some serious foreplay.
He could still smell her on his sheets, so every time he rolled over, he got hard. He’d stayed awake for three hours, waiting for her bedroom light to flicker on. Hoping. But it never did. And there he was, like an idiot, still waiting.
