Page 76 of Summer Affair
“Christ, Cupcake. One more squeeze and it will be game over.” But of course, she kept squeezing and stroking and moving her body against his until she was pulling him deeper and deeper into her body and—he feared—deeper into her heart.
She was already in his. Hell, she owned him. Which was why there was no holding back, not when she looked up at him with those soulful caramel eyes.
“Now,” she said, and this time he moved with purpose. His one mission was to give her the best night of her life, even if they just had a few precious hours. Her body came up off the cushion when his slid down and it was friction and sweet, sweet pressure until he came barreling toward the end like a freight train without brakes.
She pressed tighter against him, not letting up until the withdrawals became faster, the thrusts deeper, the intensity building and building until he was certain he’d lose his mind.
He watched her build up to that moment and watched her let go, and it wasn’t until he saw the emotion flash through her eyes that he felt it. The ever-loving rush of what could only be described as the single most important orgasm of his life. And as they rode it out together, he couldn’t help but notice the way he clung to her, kissing her as ifthiswas his endgame.
If it were up to Jillian this night would never end. She would stay wrapped in Clay’s arms, wake up with the sun, make love again, and stay in bed until noon.
Calling where they were “bed” was a bit of a stretch since they were still on the lounger, naked and covered by only a blanket Clay found in the storage box near the firepit.
Even though the temperature had dropped below sixty, she was perfectly warm with him wrapped around her like a manly sleeping bag, with him playing big spoon to her little one. His arms were snuggled around her, his thigh between hers—his front pressing against her rear in an impressive display of overtime.
After a game-changing round two, Jillian’s heart had rolled all the way over, leaving her vulnerable and exposed—in every way possible. It was a place she hadn’t allowed herself to go, but after the way he’d kissed her and cradled her against his body, he’d opened up a part of her she’d thought long gone—the part of her that gave her the ability to trust fully and completely. A part she wanted to explore with Clay.
But overtime with this kind and loving man would have to wait. Her life was right next door sleeping soundly, waiting for the sun to awake, and then Jillian’s day would begin. She’d already pushed her luck staying this long, but she wanted to live in this moment a bit longer, pretend whatever this thing was between them would be as simple as girl-meets-boy, girl-falls-for-boy, and then girl shares the rest of her life with a boy who reminded her what it felt like to be treasured.
She took their intertwined hands and kissed them in a silentto be continued.
“Don’t,” he mumbled sleepily, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck. “Five more minutes.”
She wanted to give him all the rest of her minutes because what started as a practice date over drinks had turned into something real and right. Unlike the other men in her life, Clay didn’t make lofty promises or walk all over her; he lifted her up. He made her feel cherished—as if she were worthy of great love.
Which was why she owed it to him to have an honest conversation about a topic she didn’t like to dwell on, much less talk about. A topic which might very well be a deal-breaker.
Her heart thumped nervously.
Seemingly aware that something had shifted, that a tension was forming between them, his grip tightened, and he pulled her further under him in a protective move that made swallowing difficult.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” she began quietly. “That first night at the bar, you asked if I wanted more kids and I said in a perfect world, yes. What I should have told you was that while I’d love more kids, it’s likely that I can’t.” She pressed her teeth into her lip, trying not to let it tremble. “Dirk and I went through four rounds of IVF, and I had two miscarriages. Sammy was my miracle baby, and I promised myself that he’d be enough. That I’d never put myself through that kind of pain again.”
She closed her eyes and braced herself for his answer. Wondering if his response would fall into the well-meaning but painful things people who’ve never had fertility issues say. Or maybe he’d give her an encouraging pep-talk or, even worse, he’d tell her it didn’t matter but then slowly drift away.
But in a move that was all Clay, he brushed her hair aside and pressed a kiss at the base of her neck. “I can’t even imagine what that was like for you.”
“Indescribably world-shattering. Even with how discouraging and isolating the treatments were, the pain was nothing compared to the loss. They don’t give you a manual on how to grieve someone you’ve never held or how debilitating that kind of mourning could be. My family, friends, even my husband didn’t understand why I couldn’t just bounce back or how my heart was shattered to the point that it would never fully heal.”
Her breath hitched and he brought her hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on the inside of her palm. “I am so sorry you had to go through that. And I hate that you were left to go through it alone.”
“Me too.” Still unable to look him in the eye, she pressed her cheek further against his strong arm. “I know we’re just taking things as they come and I’m not asking for a label. I just thought it would be wrong of me not to say anything, especially since you want a family.”
“Hey, look at me.” He gently rolled her over so that they were face to face, his leg still between hers. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then cradled her head. “I do want a family, but families come in all sizes and forms.”
He still wasn’t understanding. “I wasted a decade of my life with a man who couldn’t give me what I wanted. I don’t want you to do the same. It’s one thing to say it doesn’t change things, but once the reality sets in …” She shook her head. “I don’t want you to miss out on what you want and what you deserve.”
“What about what you want?” he asked with a soft sincerity that caught her off guard.
With so many people relying on her, Jillian hadn’t bothered to ask herself that question in a long time. She hadn’t had the luxury. But wasn’t that what the past few months had been about? To rediscover and reclaim her identity and figure out what direction she wanted her life to go.
So what did she want? A grocery list of things ranging from Uncle Eddie’s health to paying off the mortgage to finding a partner to share her life with. But most of all … “I want to remember what it’s like to be truly happy.”
Clay ran the pad of his thumb down her jaw. “And what makes you happy? Beyond Sammy or Eddie or your clients. What makesyouhappy.”
“You. You make me happy.”
“Right back at you.” Instead of a man who looked as if he’d just told the woman in his life that she makes him happy, he studied her in that assessing way that she was starting to realize meant there was a bigbutcoming.
