Page 87 of Single Girl in the City
“Did you purposefully leave out the details of why you befriended me?”
“You befriended me! In the parking lot,” she said. “I was trying to maintain space, but you just kept—”
“What? I kept … what?”
“Being so nice.”
He threw his hands into the air. “You say that like this is all my fault because, what, I’m a decent human being? Maybe you should come with a warning, ‘Be nice and I’ll screw you over.’”
She staggered back at the forcefulness of his statement.
“I should come with a lot of warnings,” she whispered. “But with you, it should have said, ‘Approach with care, damaged goods.’”
He didn’t say anything, didn’t even change his expressions which were purposefully schooled and, she was sure, cold to the touch. “You told me you loved me even though you were using what was between us to make you feel better about yourself.”
“It doesn’t matter how it started, it only matters that my feelings for you are deep and real.”
He gave a hollow chuckle. “Hell, Abs, I told you that I loved you.”
“You said you loved all my parts,” she said, acutely aware that his family could hear every single word spoken between them. Even though they’d moved a short distance away to give she and Owen a little privacy, Margo’s shoulders stiffened at Owen’s declaration and his brothers huddled together in hushed silence.
Abi could barely register anything past the word ‘love’. Or was it ‘loved’ as in he’d changed his mind.
Barely able to catch her breath through the anxiety, a thin sheen of perspiration coated her body and her vision turned spotty. “And this part is scared and cowardly and so incredibly sorry.”
“I told you about how hard it is for me to trust people, how scared I am of getting played again, and you still chose to lie to me.”
“I knew the second I told you my secret, why I was here, that everything would change and then I wouldn’t be able to make your life better.”
“Well, lying sure as hell didn’t make it better.”
“Owen,” she said, and she no longer thought he liked the sound of his name on her lips. She swallowed down the rising fear.
Calm and tranquility can shove it,she thought.Today it’s about holding it together until you’re alone, then you can cry it out. Give in to the darkness pushing in around the edges.
“I just need some …” He raised a palm but didn’t finish, and what she saw in his eyes broke her heart. Then an absolute determination overtook his expression and Abi watched Happy Owen disappear, and World on His Shoulders Owen take his place. “I don’t know what I need.”
“This is where you dig in,” she begged. She moved to take his hand again, but he pulled back. “This is about how I screwed up but you dig in, remember?”
He looked around as if just remembering that they had an audience. “It’s my mom’s party, there’s a bar packed full of people. This isn’t the right time.”
Her stomach sank. She knew what came next. It was like an arrow through the heart. “I get that a lot. Seems my timing isn’t all that great.”
His face did soften, but it wasn’t with concern, it was with disappointment. She’d done this and he was going to call her on it.
“It’s just a lot right now.”
And there it was, the final blow to her heart. She was once again too much. Words that were her cue to pack up and get the hell out of his life.
“Is that what you want? For me to go?” she asked, giving them one last chance.
Their eyes caught and hung but there was no warmth there. There was pain and anger and, worst of all, hurt. She’d set out to make his life better and somehow managed to hurt him.
“That’s probably best.”
Abi stopped breathing. It was a direct hit. Nothing about her, or her life, was easy. She knew this, but she was working really hard to overcome that. If she thought she was in pain a second ago, it was nothing compared to the deep ache which now burned so cold her body felt like it would crack.
Her heart caught and her skin felt too tight to contain the ache hollowing out a cavity in her chest. Her hands shook and those spots in front of her eyes grew until she was certain she was going to hyperventilate and pass out. Anxiety was threatening to take her down.
