Page 79 of Sleigh Bells and Snowstorms
“Believe me, I don’t like it. But it’s a good plan. He was watching her at the event the other night. He might have spoken to her, but her fucking ex interrupted.”
“What?”
“Never mind. The ex isn’t important. Although if Natalie lets me, I’d love to ruin his life.”
“Focus, Jensen.”
“Sorry. You know I’d prefer to handle it myself. I’d become his bloody best friend. Get him to hand me the necklace, even just to show it off. But if he even suspects I’m a danger to him, I’ll never get in.”
“Or if you did, it would be a trap. And maybe the trap that finally catches you.”
“Indeed.”
“But if you were at the event with Natalie, surely he saw you together.”
“He did. But she’ll use that—act ignorant of who I really am and heartbroken after I loved her and left her behind.”
“That’s likely to work. And not too far from reality, either.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ve known you for too long not to be very aware of how you are with women.”
I rolled my eyes. “Now you sound like my sister. And you know me too well to believe I’m half the manwhore I pretend to be.”
“I didn’t say anything about you being a whore. I simply meant your relationships are always fleeting. I’m not judging you for that. I can’t fathom you settling down with a woman. Not with your life.”
That stuck like a barb in my chest. I rubbed across my sternum as if the wound had been physical.
But she was right.
And that meant Natalie was not mine.
“Jensen?”
Seamlessly, I stepped into a persona. One that didn’t let inconvenient feelings get the better of him—who hardly had feelings at all.
“My dalliance, as you say, is irrelevant. The plan is for Natalie to coax him into a dinner invitation at his house. And I’m confident she can pull it off. Once she’s inside, all she has to do is unlock a door or a window. It’s a risk, but she understands that.”
“I have my misgivings, but it’s your call. I’ll see if I can find anything else that will be helpful.”
“Thank you.”
I ended the call and dropped my phone on the couch. Maple’s question ran through my mind. What did I think I was doing?
I was simply enjoying the company of a beautiful woman. That sounded so reasonable. So easy. So like me.
I could tell myself she was a temporary diversion. That our night together had been a perk of the job. A mutually desired and mutually satisfying liaison, not meant to last.
But eating pizza with her niece while wearing a Santa hat was not simply enjoying the company of a beautiful woman. Neither was abandoning the chance to catch my longtime nemesis or using a word like mine, whether or not I’d said it aloud.
The problem was, I was getting too close. Crossing an invisible and unspoken line I’d drawn in the sand of my life years ago. That line existed for a reason. Not only to protect her, but to protect myself. I didn’t live a life that had room for someone else. So I made sure it was never an option.
A week in Tilikum—a fucking week—and I was in danger of not just crossing that line but erasing it completely.
I couldn’t let that happen. It wouldn’t be fair to her. And I couldn’t let someone in. She’d have the power to destroy me.
A knock on the door broke me from my thoughts. The pain in my chest tried to flare, but I buried it as deep as I could and answered the door.
