Page 14 of Enticing the Elf
They both make agreeing sounds.
“Alan said he’d fallen in love with me months ago and was just waiting for me to give him a sign. I was—” I laugh. “I was shocked. My mouth dropped open and I must have stuttered for a full minute. I didn’t believe him—not that he loved me, but the type of love it was. We were friends, and I thought he was mixing his feelings up.”
“I bet he loved being told that,” Noah scoffs, and I shake my head.
“We argued about it, and then I told him I was happy for us to be friends who fucked, but he wasn’t the commitment type, and I didn’t expect him to change on my behalf.” I pause reflectively. “I loved him as a friend, but not more, so I didn’t think it would be a problem.”
“A lot of this sounds familiar,” Jared muses. “Dáithí, have you considerednotoffering to fuck your friends?”
I’m laughing even before Noah sprays soda all over his plate. “Eoin and I weren’t truly friends, just friendly,” I defend as I pass Noah my napkin. “And the thing with him was always romantic…ish. It just wasn’t meant to be long-term.”
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Jared says, “Mmm. Let’s revisit that later. Go back to what you were saying about Alan.”
“There’s not much more to say. He wasn’t going to turn down regular, no-strings sex, so we started doing that, but about six months later, he brought up the whole being-in-love-with-me thing again. By then…” I stop and think about all the feelings that were drowning me at the time. “We were friends, and we loved each other, and he was… Well, he was Alan. I’d started to think we could have more. Six months was almost his longest stretch of monogamy, and he wasn’t showing any signs of wanting that to change. He swore that things were different with me because he loved me. That he’d changed—I’dchanged him.”
Noah groans. “Uh-oh.”
“Yeah. I believed him. We were together for nearly fifty years after that, though I found out at the end that he hadn’t been faithful for about eighteen of those. I loved him, and I was planning forever. We had a house together, a pet, even. He was just as affectionate and loving as always—nothing had changed over the years. I’ve thought about this so many times, but there were no signs for me to see.”
“Did he just walk out?” Noah asks, and I shake my head.
“No, he came home one day and said he was moving to another settlement—this was before all the settlements were combined under one shield. He said he’d tried, but being committed to one person wasn’t for him, and he felt trapped and stifled. He said that any love he’d ever felt for me had faded intomisery.” I keep my tone flat. Even after so long, those words hurt.
“I’m so sorry, Dáithí.” Jared lays a hand over one of mine. “You know none of that was your fault.”
“Fault doesn’t matter. He was miserable, and I was heartbroken. I was lucky, in a way—for people who live as long as we do, the relationship was quite short. Imagine how hurt I could have been if it had lasted longer. I could have given him whole centuries, or even more.” Those were the platitudes that got me through the months and years directly after he left. They feel almost as empty now as they did then.
“You think that’s what Eoin would do?” Noah asks. “Cheat behind your back, then blame you for him being unhappy?”
The question stops me in my tracks. “No!” Is it? “No,” I repeat firmly. “Maybe there’s stuff that happened in the past that gives me some insight on situations like this, but the decisions I’m making are based on me and Eoin. I don’t want to spend another fifteen years—or more—thinking I’m in a happy relationship, only to have my heart shattered again. I don’t want to force Eoin to be someone he isn’t.”
An odd little silence falls. I’m not sure what they’re thinking, but I’m wishing I didn’t have to go back to work and could order a giant cocktail to wash away all the bad feelings I’ve dredged up.
“Dáithí,” Jared says abruptly, “I just realized something.”
“Oh?”
“This test we’re setting up for Eoin… what if he passes?”
I freeze. “What?”
“What happens if Eoin passes whatever test you end up giving him?”
“Oooh,” Noah hums. “Interesting.”
My gaze flickers between them, and then around the room. “I-I… I don’t know. I…canhe pass?”
“That would be up to you and whatever test you decide on,” Jared points out. “But if you set a standard and he meets it, whatever that is, would you accept it as proof of his commitment?”
“I-I-I…”
Noah cuts into my babbling, “What Jared’s asking, Dáithí, is if you want Eoin to pass or fail? Because if you want him out of your life, we can come up with a test that’s completely impossible to pass. But if you want him to have a chance at passing, well…” He shrugs. “I’m not saying we should make it easy for him, but if hecanprove he’s ready to commit, there are ways for him to do that.”
My head spins. I’d never stopped to think about this. To consider that maybe Eoin could actually pass this test. The whole test thing was his idea, and I… didn’t think it through.
“Is that an opportunity you want him to have?” Jared presses. “Dáithí, do you love Eoin, or think you could one day?”
I drag my gaze away from the wall and meet his. Do I love Eoin?
