Page 66 of Losing Forever
I run the backs of my fingers across her soft cheek and brush her hair behind her ear.
How do I give her up so soon?
By putting her first. That’s how. By considering how my destructiveness will affect her and not dragging her down with me. And by reminding myself she deserves better.
23
Braylee
The Uber ride to the house is quiet except for the music playing on the radio. I had planned to avoid looking out the window, but it's a struggle. So many familiar places. So many memories. This was my life.
When we leave the city and cross the bridge to the suburbs, Grayson rambles, his eyes glued to the scenery. “The houses are so different. And everything thing is so green, greener than in Florida. The trees are huge and bushy. I didn't expect it to look like this.”
An overcast sky paints everything gray, and rain and humidity hang heavily in the air. Had it always been this gloomy?
Dense trees surround the neighborhood where I used to live. I sneak glances out the window but don't give the view my full attention. What if a neighbor is out? What if they recognize me?
The Uber driver pulls into the driveway of my old house. I pay him through the app on my phone and get out, no longer able to avoid facing my childhood home.
Grayson helps the driver remove our luggage from the trunk.
I try to take the handle to mine, but Grayson tugs it back. “I got it, Bray.”
“Thanks.” I turn and force myself to walk up the slate path that leads to the front door.
The ground is wet from a light shower. The scent of nature—trees, moss, and grass—remind me I'm home. I stop at the oversized front door and take a breath.
Grayson's footsteps draw close and stop behind me. “Everything okay?”
I nod, even as my hand trembles when I pull the key from my pocket. The last time I was here, I didn't want to look around or remember what life was like before my family died. Aunt Lina closed and locked everything while I packed a suitcase and went to wait for her in the car, my gaze down the entire time.
“We can go get something to eat first if you want,” Grayson says. “I can get us another Uber if you're not ready.”
“No.” I glance over my shoulder at him. “I'm fine.”
A sad smile curves his lips. “If you want to go in alone, I’ll understand. Just say the word. I don't mind waiting outside.”
“It's okay. I want you to come in with me. And I'm really happy you're here.”
Warmth shines in his eyes. “Me, too.”
I inhale one more breath for courage and unlock the huge glass door. It creaks open as I step into the foyer. The staleness hits me first, the silence second.
When I was growing up, the house was always alive with music and the scent of burning wood in the fireplace. Dad would be playing music for Mom as she sat beside him, drinking a glass of red wine.
“It feels so empty,” I murmur and inch farther into the house. The furniture is all still here, but the life is gone.
Grayson sets the luggage near the entry table. We round the stone wall that separates the foyer from the rest of the house. The rooms are all open to each other, with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the patio deck and woods out back.
“I've never been in a house like this before.” Grayson stands by my side, taking it all in. “There are so many windows.”
“Do you like it?” I ask, comforted by his presence.
“I love it. We don't have houses like this in Florida, or maybe we do, but the scenery here makes them look different. Cooler.” He strolls to the tall glass slider and stares out back. “Those are some big trees.”
His fascination with the trees is cute and a nice distraction. But I can't focus on Grayson the whole time I'm here. That's not why I came. I just don't know what to do or where to start.
“I'm going to check the window that was broken.” I head to the right side of the house. A hallway leads to a guest room and bathroom. One of the sliding glass door panels had been shattered, from what I’d been told. It looks fine now, as if it were never damaged. I run my hand along the glass pane, looking for signs that it's new. Flawless.
