Page 111 of Reign of Light
“That’s why you’re upset?” Guilt laces his voice, and his fingers press more firmly into my face.
“Of course, Weston! Today was the worst day of my life. I’ve lost my parents, my friends, my guard. I’ve been thrust into a position that, for my whole life, I’ve been made to feel like I would never do well in, and now in the blink of an eye, the entire kingdom is my responsibility. You’re all I have left, and I’ve spent almost every moment with you since you took me off that beach, and now you don’t want to be near me?”
My chest rises and falls with rapid breaths as I try and fail to squash down my feelings.
“No, Lennox, that is not at all how I feel. It’s killing me that I can’t touch you, not just because you’re the queen and I’m your guard, but because I don’t want to hurt you, not after everything you endured today. Don’t ever think that I want to be anywhere but at your side.”
The mattress dips as he leans closer, and his voice dips lower. “In my attempt not to hurt you, I ended up hurting you in a different way. I’m sorry. You have to know I never want to. But sweetheart, this isn’t my ship. It’s not my bed. Like you just said, today was one I never want to relive ever again. Not only was it the worst day of your life, but it was the worst of mine. I watched you die once before, and this time, I didn’t think you were coming back to me.
“I am not strong enough to do it again, and all I want to do is hold on to you and never let you go. But I can’t, not around anyone else. I already jeopardized enough back in that throne room today, but I didn’tgive a fuck who saw. I wasn’t going to let you die alone or in anyone else’s arms. You’re mine, and if those were our final moments, I wasn’t going to let duty and titles take them away from us.
“But they weren’t, thank the gods, and now, learning to navigate this together is going to be a challenge. Things are going to be different from what they were. They have to be. And after the day you had, I didn’t want to assume you wanted things to be just as they were when it was just you and me. I didn’t want to overwhelm you or pressure you and especially didn’t want to do anything that could hurt you. I should have asked. I’m sorry I didn’t. But Lennox, never assume that anything has changed for me. It never will. I swore it to you. I keep my word.”
I sniffle again, wishing I could really see his face, and unable to form any coherent thoughts after everything his words made me feel. He told me recently that he loved me like the men in my books, unconditionally and ardently, and I believe him. It will never change. The trauma from the day overshadowed what I should never have questioned.
“Will you just lie with me?” I ask, my voice small. “Please?”
He leans over me again, barely a breath away, and the warmth of his words melts away the worry coiling inside of me. “Of course, my queen. There’s nowhere in this world or any other I would rather be.” Weston kisses me gently before standing and rounding the other side of the bed.
“No outdoor clothes,” I say into the darkness, and his low chuckle meets my ears.
“You must be feeling better. You’re getting more of that tonic in the morning.”
The sound of his belt being unbuckled rings through the quiet as he leans his sword against the bedside table. There’s a rustle of fabric as he steps out of his boots and tosses his clothes to the floor before lifting the sheet and sliding in beside me.
Warmth emanates from his bare skin as I scoot my body closer and feel the pillows shift as he tugs them toward the center so I can still restthe muscles in my neck. The moment my body presses into his side, I let out a heavy breath, filled with all the worries and anxieties I have been holding in while he has been doing his duty as the First Guard.
He’s back, and I feel like I’m home, like we’re still on the ship, soaking in as much of each other as we can. Turning to the side, I lay my head on his chest, ignoring any pain from the movement, and listen to the slow and steady beating of his heart. Neither of us moves for a while, until Weston’s fingers find my hair and he slowly strokes it, further lulling me into a deeper calm.
“This wasn’t the new start at home I expected,” I whisper.
“It wasn’t for me either,” he answers, “but I still have you. You’re what I need.”
“Me too, Weston,” I say, and close my eyes, focusing on his rhythmic breathing, and the fact that I still can. “All I need is you.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
For a few moments before I open my eyes, as I lay with my cheek pressed into Weston’s chest, I forget everything that has happened. It feels like we’re back in Dawnlin, waking up in the morning, unaware of what the day has in store for us. But then I feel the chill in the air against my skin, and a sharp pain in my neck, and everything comes rushing back.
I am the queen.
My father is dead.
I have a kingdom to run, but the healers, who I’m sure will bring me another dose of the pain tonic as soon as I send for it, require me to rest. I let out a deep sigh and open my eyes. The dim, grey light from the windows is still too bright for how exhausted I am.
I startle as my gaze falls on the warm body lying next to me, and stifle a gasp.
“Weston!” I hiss as my fingertips itch to touch his skin. Black and blue patches cover his entire torso, with red and swollen lumps in places they weren’t before. Blood soaked bandages cover numerous gashesthat clearly bled through the night. Stitches bring together the deeper wounds on his face, his arms. The skin across his knuckles is torn, and the beginnings of angry scabs match those of the rings around his wrists where he fought against the manacles.
My mouth falls open as I pull away, my hands hovering over him, afraid to touch him anywhere.
He lets out a gruff sound, and the arm snaked around my hips tightens, pulling me against him again.
“Don’t run away. I’m fine.” His voice is thick with sleep, and his eyes remain closed. I can’t help but gawk at the evidence of what he told me last night.
I knew he fought to get to me. I could hear it. I could hear the guards beating him at Brynne and Guthrie’s command, and his roars as he took on every single one of them. I believed what he said because I knew he would never just let anyone harm me, not after he was willing to give up his life, to become the Guardian by sliding his sword through Dane’s throat, just to save me. Now though, no one would question his devotion to his oath, his duty, or his love for me.
I press a firm kiss against his ribs, and gently rest my hand on his abdomen.
