Page 125 of Reign of Light
“It’s not what you think.”
“What I think is that’s a ring, and you’re giving it to me. I don’t know what that means. I need you to explain.”
“Sweetheart, if I am ever fortunate enough to give you one of these, you’ll know exactly what it means.”
His hand falls from my waist and slides down the length of my arm until his fingers wrap around my wrist. Lifting my hand and turning my palm upward, he presses the ring into my skin, and I feel a twinge of disappointment.
“It’s your mother’s. The one Dane stole.” He closes my fingers around it, and the warm metal feels foreign pressed into my palm. “I thought you might want it.”
Swallowing down the lump forming in my throat, I stare at my closed hand as he wraps both of his hands firmly around it and presses a kiss to my fingers.
“I think she should have it,” I whisper. “Father would have wanted her to have it back.”
He nods slightly, and I ignore the squeeze in my chest as I let my tightly clasped fist fall. Of the myriad of emotions I expected to feel today, what’s coursing through me right now wasn’t even close. I push away the thoughts of what it would look like if this weren’t mymother’s. So long ago I’d been so concerned about marriage alliances and meeting potential suitors from other kingdoms. I’d accepted it was likely I would not marry for love, but right now, all I can think, all I can feel, is how much I want a ring from the man that stands before me.
Clearing my throat breaks me out of the trance, and I’m no longer lost in my thoughts of what could be. I start across the room and pause, just for a moment, to glance in the mirror and make sure I still look how I did when Tila left me. The dress is an old one from my closet, but still fits. The thick black fabric is fitting for the occasion and the weather. Long, tight sleeves will keep the chill off my skin, even though the neckline plunges to be a little more revealing than when I wore it years ago. Tila thought it might not be the best first impression to the kingdom, but I disagreed.
I wanted it to be revealing. I didn’t want to hide myself under layers of fabric and veils. I wanted my people to see their queen, complete with the ring of brownish yellow bruises that are slowly healing around my neck.
I want them to see what I endured; what I am willing to endure for them.
Burying my father. Fighting off an attacker. Surviving.
They don’t know me, so they have nothing to judge me by beyond what they see from this point forward. I want them to see someone who is strong, even if I feel anything but strong today.
I turn my head, eyeing the low, tight bun Addy helped me with, and making sure no stray strands are out of place. I didn’t want to deal with my unruly waves in the rain. I don’t need a distraction. I want to focus, get through this, and move on.
With one last look, I find Weston’s gaze in the mirror.
“Let’s go.”
When we emerge into the hallway, the air feels different. I don’t hesitate, not like before, or like all the times in the past that I walked byher closed door. I don’t rush past. I don’t avoid looking. I walk straight to her door, gripping the handle tightly, and push it open.
The scene before me is the same as it has been every time I’ve been brave enough to enter this room, hell, to even look into this room. But this time, I am not the same.
I round the bed, coming alongside her and take her hand. The warmth of her fingers catches me off guard, especially after the chill from my room, but it feels right. It feels like the last piece of me that I had been missing.
“You lost this, Mother. I wanted you to have it back.”
I slide the ring on her finger, straightening it so the stone faces the ceiling, but I don’t drop her hand. Instead, I squeeze it tighter.
“I have to bury Father today,” I mutter, and huff a sad laugh. “I honestly thought you would be first. I never would have guessed it would end up this way.”
Emotion swells in my chest, and my gaze snaps up, searching for Weston. I find him leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest and armor glinting in the flickering flames as he watches me. He gives me a reassuring nod, and I inhale a shuddering breath before looking back at her serene face again.
“I tried to save you. We both did, but things didn’t go the way we hoped. We held onto it for as long as we could, but in the end it wasn’t up to us. At least the hope brought us home, but it was empty-handed. And now Father is gone. He held onto hope for you too, but I think…”
My voice trails off, and my eyes fill with tears.
“I think it’s time to let you go. You’ve held on for so long. I know you wanted to have a life together, and wanted one with him, but he’s gone now. It isn’t fair to keep you here when you could be with him on the other side.”
I squeeze her hand tightly as a tear falls silently onto the bedding, followed by another. I inhale another harsh breath and let everything I want to say to her come out, because this is probably my last chance.
“I hope that one day I can be the mother you always wanted to be. I’m sorry you never got to experience that. I know how much it meant to you. I promise your memory will live on. In me, in this kingdom, in the future generations of Blackwood. Even though I never got to meet you, I feel like the pieces I have gotten were better than the hopeless grief I had before.”
I smooth her hand on her abdomen, and the light from the candles glints off the stone.
“Until we meet again.” I stand quickly and walk straight for the door, but Weston doesn’t move. Instead, he steps forward, wrapping his arms around me, and holds me tight. I press my forehead against the cold metal covering his chest. The armor that protects him is blocking me from having the comfort of his warm body that I am craving.
