Page 148 of Reign of Light
I barely register the pounding of my feet as they pull me through the ship, up the stairs, and down the gangway. I barely feel the chill of the wind off the sea as I flee across the jagged reef for the last time, through the black sands and up the stone steps.
Edmond. I need Edmond.
Just like Sig taught me, I think repeatedly about what I need. I don’t know how it can take any more, but my heart aches again as I realize I won’t remember her either. The pain pushes me forward, toward the plateau, as I beg the island to bring me the Guardian.
I run as if in a trance. My chest heaves and burns with every breath, and I know it’s not only from the exertion. My sole focus is on needing Edmond to return home, because I can’t waste time. When I climb the trail and come around the curve through the trees, my steps slow until I’m walking toward the figure that waits for me with a knowing smile on his face.
“I felt your call, Your Majesty.”
“I need to leave, Edmond. Now.”
He nods slowly. “I see. I imagine that you have assessed all possibilities?”
My eyes well with tears. “Just like you taught me.”
He makes a sound of approval that I’ve heard so many times over the years. “Well then, just as I have always said, you are well preparedfor the challenges that lie ahead of you. I have no doubt that you are ready to be the queen of Blackwood. But as the Guardian, I will return you to your kingdom now, if that is your wish.”
“It is.” My voice is weak and watery, and the finality of the words echoes through my already hollow body. They feel like a lie. It isn’t truly my wish. My wish is that I didn’t have to make this decision, that I didn’t have to choose between duty and love, that I could have it all.
But I was stupid. Naïve. Inexperienced. I thought my life would be different once I became queen, that I would get to make my own choices and change it to be everything I had always dreamed of. I thought that once I had no one to answer to but myself, things would finally be happy.
I didn’t know that the queen doesn’t get to decide for herself. Every decision is for the betterment of everyone else, and it’s my duty to bear it all on my shoulders. I thought the crown was heavy before, but now I feel crushed beneath its weight.
My mother has held on for twenty-three years, her health unexplained by anything other than the strength of her love for me, and I can’t ignore it. I won’t give up on her. I won’t let her survival go unanswered, and I won’t let Weston make yet another sacrifice for me. He had already done enough.
This one is mine to make.
“When you are ready, Your Majesty.”
I walk toward Edmond, slowly closing the distance between us as I soak up the bit of dawn that is coming over the horizon. It’s the last one I will see for a while. Possibly ever.
With only a handful of steps left before the end of the plateau and the waiting Guardian, a sound echoes in the distance, pulling me from my fantasy of the heat on my skin. My steps falter, and I look around, trying to place what it is, when I hear it.
“Lennox!”
My head falls back, and my eyes squeeze shut as despair erupts in my chest. Even though there’s only one other person on the island, I would recognize that voice anywhere. Weston’s footsteps pound as he roars my name again, and I turn back to the same path I ran along, just before he rounds the corner. His feet skid across the slick dirt and grass as he almost tumbles to his knees, his clothes disheveled as if he barely threw them over his body before racing out of the room. His hair is the same mess after last night, from time after time of me running my fingers through it.
Chest heaving and skin glistening with sweat, he rights himself, and his gait turns from frantic to furious. His jaw is tight as his eyes narrow on me, standing helplessly before the wrath I know I’m about to incur, the same one I fought against so many times back when I was convinced he was my enemy instead of the best thing that has ever happened to me.
But this time, I don’t have the strength to fight back.
“I’m really fucking tired of waking up alone on my godsdamned ship.” He stalks toward me, and I watch the fury rise in his face as he gets closer.
“Weston, stop,” I say, my voice cracking as everything that I have been holding in surfaces.
Tension hardens his shoulders and the curve of muscle in his arms as he points at me. “You have something that’s mine.” His voice is low, and the growl in his throat makes me shiver. “Give it back.”
“Weston—”
“Give it back, Lennox.” His long strides have closed almost half the distance, and my breaths start to increase as panic takes over.
“Weston. Stop.” My words are firmer than before, but he ignores them. He can’t get any closer. He can’t touch me. Because I know with one brush of his skin I’ll collapse, and take back everything I already decided.
“No.” He stomps forward, now barely a few paces from me, but I need him to listen.
“I command you to stop!”
“You’re not the queen here, remember? You wanted me to treat you the same as everyone else, and now is no different!”
