Page 30 of Reign of Light
“About what?” I pull my gaze away from the island to look up at him, and the tension I saw etched into his shoulders is written on his face too.
“Telling the Voyagers about the healing waters.”
The rising wind whips at my hair, but I ignore it as I try to think through all the possibilities, just as Edmond would expect me to. “Have you already decided?”
His jaw ticks as he drops his chin, his focus drawn to where his hand still clutches my thigh. “I’ve protected it for this long. I’ve left it up to the island to decide who finds it. But now, it feels different. Does it still need to be protected now that Dane is gone? Does keeping it hidden even matter anymore?”
“Was the decision even up to the island?” I ask.
“What do you mean?”
“Did Dawnlin actually decide who finds the waters and who doesn’t? I asked for a map to help me search, and so did Taril, and both of us found it. But as far as I know, no one else in the crew did. Everyone found it on their own.”
Weston sits silently, mulling over my thoughts.
“It also doesn’t explain how Fin found it. He’s a child, and while he was out looking, he was mainly just exploring and playing. It seems like he stumbled upon it more than it was revealed to him.”
“That’s true,” he murmurs, his eyes still trained on the island before us.
“All the dangers around the mountain seem like they were put there to keep people away and protect the waters, not to help lead people to them. There were signs and symbols, yes, but anyone could have seen those. They didn’t magically appear. It’s not controlling who gets there and who doesn’t, and I don’t think you should put that weight on yourself.”
He lets out a deep sigh. “You’re right, but I can’t help it. And even if there isn’t a concern over those left in the Voyagers and whether or not they should have found the waters, it doesn’t make how I feel about the decision any easier.”
Weston’s hand moves as he thinks, his fingers tracing the length of my inner thigh, and I sigh, my shoulders sagging as my muscles relax.
I think about everything that has happened since I stepped foot on the island, and everything that led me to it.
My life in Blackwood. My father’s isolation. My duty as the future queen.
I think about the future I thought I would take back by staying on Dawnlin. Being told I was unworthy. Having the chance of returning home ripped from my fingers.
The decision to let my mother go.
A lump forms in my throat, and I try to swallow it down.
“Maybe,” I start, clearing my throat as years of feelings that alwaysaccompany the pit forming in my stomach come rushing back. “Maybe it’s not our decision. Maybe it’s theirs. They should have a choice.”
It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Now that I’m able to step outside of my world, one where I had no control over my life or future, it’s easy to see the root cause of it all. So much of my pain and sorrow stems simply from not being able to choose for myself. I’m at the mercy of my father, of Brynne, of Edmond. Of tradition and expectations. Of duty. I don’t think we should take that choice away from the Voyagers.
“In Blackwood, the most crushing part of my life was having every choice taken from me. The big ones, at least. I thought it was better here, but again and again I was proven wrong. With the island, with Dane, with the dust, with you.”
His head snaps up, and his eyes find mine instantly. The stroke of his fingertips on my skin stills as the muscles in his face tighten.
“You feel like I didn’t give you a choice?”
Thunder rumbles out over the sea, matching the turmoil I feel watching Weston fall so easily back into the man he was weeks ago, who built a wall of expectations and duty between us. It stings that he can so easily bring it back up again the moment he feels he did something wrong.
“No, no, that’s not what I mean,” I say and settle my hand on top of his, squeezing it tightly. His face relaxes slightly, but I know he’s still battling the internal struggle of crossing boundaries with his princess, no matter how many times I’ve told him I didn’t care about them.
“I’m not talking about being with you. I chose you, Weston, despite all your attempts to push me away. Besides the decision to find Dawnlin, it was the best decision I’ve made. It’s probably the only actual decision I’ve made for myself, and I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to. If I didn’t wantyou.” His shoulders sink slightly, and his thumb starts slowly stroking my skin again. I tilt my head and shoot him a look. “But you didn’t exactly give me a choice to come to the ship, did you?”
“You know why I couldn’t,” he grumbles.
I nod. “I do now, but I didn’t then. I just had the chance to save my mother ripped away from me, and then you appeared and tied me up.”
“Technically, Sig did.”
I fix him with a glare, and he smiles sheepishly.
