Page 62 of Reign of Light
Now it’s his turn to step back and lower his weapons. I follow suit, chest heaving and jaw aching, as I look up at him, steeling myself for whatever he’s preparing to tell me.
His throat bobs as he holds my gaze. “The night you were born, Dane snuck into the castle. We don’t know how he got in, and I—” He looks away, somewhere over the rail of the ship and off into the distance for a moment before turning back to me. His voice is thick when he starts again. “I take responsibility for that. My guards didn’t see him, didn’t find him in time.”
His eyes fall to the deck between us. “I don’t know exactly what happened. All I know is we heard shouting. Rem took off running, faster than he ever had before. Even I couldn’t catch him. By the time I got there, he was crouched on the floor at the bottom of the stone steps, holding her. There was blood everywhere, covering her, covering him. He yelled at me to find Dane, so I knew it was him. He was responsible. I tore through the halls, calling all the guards and setting everyone on a search. I could hear Rem calling for the healers, and it was like the entire castle exploded in movement.
“I couldn’t focus on them, even though that was my entire purpose. All I could do was try to find the man who harmed the queen. By the time the entire castle had been searched and the guards were pouring out into the city, you had arrived. It wasn’t the day that either of them wanted or talked about. Her body couldn’t sustain the injury, and it put her into labor. When I came to the throne room to update Rem on the search, he was holding you in his arms. It was the only time I’d ever seen you until I watched you walk through the paths on the island on the first day.”
A sob erupts from my chest, and I try to cover it with my wrist. My fingers ache from where I grip the hilts so tightly as Weston’s words sink in. I refuse to drop these swords. They’re the only things keeping my hands from wringing my hair, or keeping me off the ground.
Weston’s brow softens. “We never thought he would hurt her, not after how much we saw he loved her. We were clearly wrong. I had the entire guard out looking for him, and the last thing I expected was to be the one who found him, especially not the next day as he was tackling me to the ground as I landed in Dawnlin. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes when he stabbed me, like he’d been waiting for a while to do it. Maybe he was seeing Rem, or saw it as a way to get back at him. Maybe he partly blamed me for her disappearance in his life. But it was all his fault. She wasn’t his to control, and he couldn’t handle that.”
There’s a roaring in my ears as I try to keep everything I’m feeling firmly behind the wall I’ve constructed to get me through these few days, but this isn’t just about Dane and what he did. An entire lifetime of feeling roars to the surface, breaking the dam so I can’t hold it back any longer.
My face breaks, and Weston is on me in an instant. His swords clatter to the deck, and his hands find my face, his fingers weaving into my hair as he tilts my head back to look into my tear-filled eyes.
“He’s the one who took her away from me,” I cry through gritted teeth. I can feel the sobs bubbling up in my throat. “This whole time, my whole life, I thought it was me. I thought my birth caused this. Itwas my fault she was gone, that I grew up with no one. That’s why my father hated me, because I took her from him.”
“No, sweetheart, it wasn’t.” He bends down and presses a firm kiss to my lips before pulling back, his gaze boring into mine. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause any of this. You were a victim, just like Rem was, like Lyla was. Rem should have fucking told you.”
I didn’t hurt my mother.
Waves of grief crash over me, and my knees almost buckle under the weight of it. Weston clutches me tighter, pulling me against him, and supporting me as everything I told myself comes back to the surface.
I took my mother away from my father, from my kingdom, from me. I was responsible for her death, whether it happened when I was born, or when we finally let her go. I’m the reason my father can’t stand to look at me, or be in the same room as me, because I caused him the most pain I could, and I wasn’t enough to soothe it.
I wasn’t enough.
But it wasn’t me. It was Dane.
As if Weston hasn’t done enough for me, given me enough, he gives me this gift. His truth has broken the shackles I’ve kept myself in, and all the blame and guilt and despair can finally fall from my body. But as they do, as I let go of everything I’ve settled on my shoulders, the entire reason I came here, it’s replaced by something even stronger.
White hot fury.
My teeth clench together in a grimace, and I squeeze my eyes shut until color flashes in the darkness. Sobs wrack my body and slowly turn to animalistic grunts. I wrap my hands around Weston’s wrists and squeeze, trying to ground myself to him, because I can’t handle the pain and anger coursing through me. Not alone.
“I hate him,” I growl. “I hate him so much.”
“I know.”
“He got away with it. He ruined her life, my childhood. And he just got away with it.”
“I know,” he says, sadder this time, but still strong.
For me.
Hot tears stream down my cheeks, and I let out a feral cry. It’s one I’ve had pent up inside me for years, that I could trust no one else to see or hear.
But I’m not alone anymore, and I don’t have to hide from him.
It explodes from my body, completely out of my control. My nails dig into Weston’s wrists, my forehead presses into his chest, but he doesn’t waver. He just holds me, and lets me feel.
I heave in air, my throat burning as I try to get hold of my breath again. I feel Weston pulling away, and the movement jars me, forcing me to snap my eyes open and find him. His hands fall from my face, pulling out of my sharp grip, but his eyes stay locked on mine, as if to say, “I’m not going anywhere.”
He bends and picks my swords up off the deck, extending them out toward me. My fingers wrap around the hilts, squeezing until my knuckles turn white. He steps back and retrieves his own before straightening into position, our gaze still unbreakable.
His jaw ticks, and he gives me a firm nod.
“Let me have it, Lennox. Let it all out.”
