Page 150 of Reign of Light
I sink farther into myself as I take a step back, my lip quivering slightly before I clamp my jaw together to stop it.
“Goodbye, Weston,” I whisper, but as I turn my back on him to face Edmond, his hand catches my arm, spinning me around until my body slams into his, followed by the grip of his hand in my hair and the crush of his lips.
And I break.
Every wall, every bit of strength I had disintegrates the moment his mouth is on mine, and I sob against him. Body shaking, limbs weakening, chest heaving. Everything I’ve held back surges through me. I try to fight it, but I can’t. His grip is crushing, his movements rough, his lips and tongue demanding as he forces me to remember the depth of his feelings.
He kisses me until my body is consumed by sobs and tears, and barely slows even as he swipes them from my cheeks. But as fierce andstubborn as he is, I know I am too. He can’t stop me with his kiss. He can’t erase everything I’ve thought through and decided. He can only make it harder. With everything I have left, I raise my hands, placing my palms flat on his chest, and push him away until I have enough room to breathe.
“This isn’t over,” he growls, repeating my words back to me, back when I thought he was saying goodbye on the night Dane stole all our hope.
The hope for a life together at home returned with Edmond’s lesson. Light always finds a way, but not this time. The hope is gone once again. At least for me.
“This time it is,” I whisper. My vision blurs as I look up into his eyes. All I see is pain, and it makes me choke on my breath.
Weston told me that people come in and out of our lives, and while there are some who we wish would stay longer, it sometimes isn’t meant to be. When he said it, I never thought he was talking about us. But just like Fin, and Sig, and Jorn, and Stass, and Mara…just like Edmond, I’m so grateful that my determination to change my life brought them all into it. Even though I might not remember, each of them has changed me to my core, and I wouldn’t be the queen I know I can be without them.
“Promise me you’ll find them,” I cry. “Promise me you’ll give them all their chance.”
The muscles in his cheeks tick as his jaw clenches shut, and I wait in silence before he finally responds.
“I promise.”
Pushing against his chest harder, I lean back, putting a little space between us before I reach down and grasp his wrist. His other hand presses firmly into the small of my back as he tries to tug me back in, to hold me in his arms as I fight against him. But he lets me move his arm, and I flatten his palm across my chest, his fingers splayed over my skin as I cover his hand with mine.
“I’ll always feel it.”
“Don’t walk away.” His voice drops to a murmur, and the defeat I’m now watching creep over his face is evident. “Don’t. Please.”
Rivulets of tears stream down my cheeks, and I mutter the last words I want him to hear.
“I love you, Weston. You gave me everything. Thank you for saving me.”
His eyes fall closed, his chin dropping to his chest as the arm wrapped around my waist squeezes tighter, trying to pull me in again. I push him away, twisting out of his grasp and turning my back to him so I can’t see the helplessness that I know he’s feeling.
I feel it too.
I storm toward Edmond, my gaze focused on the man who practically raised me, who just watched me break his son’s heart, and I silently beg the gods that he doesn’t hate me.
“Take me back,” I command, but my voice shakes until the last sound.
I fist Edmond’s cloak, clutching onto him while dropping my chin to my chest and squeezing my eyes shut to block out every piece of the world around me. I sob into Edmond as the familiar pull of magic washes over me.
And I leave Weston and Dawnlin behind forever.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
My knees give out the moment the magic dissipates, and I crash onto the cold stone ground. This time, Weston isn’t here to catch me. I can barely feel the chill in the air despite my thin clothes and lack of a cloak. I don’t know or even care what time of day it is because I can’t open my eyes.
Falling forward onto my hands, the jagged surface bites into my skin as my body collapses in on itself and a piercing wail shreds my throat. My nails dig into the stone, cracking and breaking as I claw at it, trying to gain purchase as I heave through the sobs. Chaos churns in my belly, threatening to spill all over the ground in front of me as the gravity of what I’ve just done washes over me.
I left Weston alone on the island that he had tried to escape for so many years, with the promise that I would forget him.
For his own good.
My stomach heaves, and I can’t stop the burning sickness that erupts from my throat. Every limb shakes as my body continues to dry heave, trying to rid itself of the pain, but nothing can take it away.
I need him.
