Page 4 of Reign of Light
Two words. In just two simple words, he’s given me more acceptance and acknowledgment than I’ve ever had in my life. He isn’t telling me how to feel or what to think. He isn’t trying to smooth the situation over or forcing me to believe everything is going to be alright. He’s letting me feel everything, letting me have this moment and these emotions, and giving me a safe place to let go in his arms where I know I’m cherished and understood.
He’s feeling the same way, even if he refuses to show it.
I don’t feel him move from being too lost in the heaves wracking my body and the chaos flooding my mind. My swollen eyes and gasping breaths make it hard to focus on anything other than the guilt and despair taking over me.
Weston slides his back down the wall of the tunnel, pulling me with him, and gathering me onto his lap. I curl into a ball, my cheek pressing against his firm chest, trying to use the pounding of his heart to calm me as I shake.
With one arm still wrapped tightly around my curved body, the other moves and his hand glides gently over me, stroking my hair, my face, my back, trying to ease away my pain with his touch.
“I tried,” I manage to choke out. “I—I?—”
The sobs don’t subside, and I suck in breaths through my mouth before another wrangled cry takes it away again.
“Breathe,” he murmurs. His hand settles on my face, and his thumb gently strokes my cheekbone, swiping away the rivers of tears that haven’t stopped falling.
Prying my swollen eyes open, I tilt my chin to look up at him, only to find him gazing down at me, watching me break. The tension in his jaw is the only clue that he’s still holding everything in and staying strong for me.
“If I hadn’t…gone…he wouldn’t…he wouldn’t have known,” I stutter, hiccuping and trying to push the words out. “He used it because he knew…he knew…I made him strand us all here. I failed, and it’s my fault.”
“No, Lennox. You didn’t do this.” His hand flattens against my cheek, and his eyes beg me to believe him. “Dane fucking did this. Not you. He could have left at any time. He could have taken you with him. You tried to give hope to some of the crew, and those actions did not cause him to turn on everyone left on this island. He’d already fucking done that.”
A tiny granule deep inside me knows Weston is right, that the moment Dane chose himself over the magic, he’d turned against us all, and he would have continued to choose himself and his reasons over anything. Dane had admitted as much to me when revealing his plan to use me and anyone else who found the healing waters, but my actions changed his plan.
Now I have to live for eternity knowing that it was my choice that took a chance away from someone else, and condemned us all to the same fate.
“How do I tell Sig? And Stass? Jorn? Everyone. How could they do anything but hate me?”
“No one is going to hate you.” His voice is low, and I know he’s doing everything he can to soothe me, but I’m too far gone to be affected by it.
“Come here.” He lifts me as if I weigh nothing, shifting my body so I’m straddling him and he can look me in the eye. His hands wrap around my face, holding me firmly as my body still convulses with harsh sobs and rapid breaths that aren’t able to catch up.
“No one will hate you for having hope. You risked yourself to help them. It doesn’t matter how things turned out. We all came to this island on our own, and we were lost here before you even arrived. Dane’s dust was never an option until you tried to make it one. You gave them that hope, but you weren’t the one to take it away.Hewas. No one will put that on your shoulders, do you hear me?”
His face is stern, but not angry. He wants me to hear his words, to understand and accept them. He’s trying to prevent me from living the rest of my life saddled beneath the guilt of failing everyone around me, and a fresh wave of sadness washes over me knowing he cares enough to make sure I see it.
I hiccup again before nodding tersely, my eyes falling down to where my fists clench his vest.
“I wish it were just that,” I say, clenching my fingers tighter. “I hurt you, and it wasn’t even fucking worth it. I took away your hope.” My words are a barely audible whisper, and new tears well in my eyes at the admission. “After all this time,” I say, my voice cracking, “and everything you did for me, I took it away from you.”
“Look at me,” he says, his tone harsh and serious. His fingers pinch my chin and lift gently until I can do nothing but stare into his fierce eyes.
“The moment you stepped onto this island, you gave me more hope than you could ever know. You’re still here.” He leans forward, closing the distance between us. “You didn’t take anything away from me. You gave me everything.”
My face crumbles as a fresh wave of tears spills over and onto my cheeks.
The muscles in his face soften, and one side of his lips turns up in a small smile.
“That wasn’t supposed to make you cry,” he murmurs, and runs a thumb over my bottom lip.
“I was already crying,” I say, sniffing loudly. I reach up and swipe my sleeve across my face, trying to wipe away the evidence of my weakness. “No one has ever said anything like that to me before.”
“And no one else ever will.” He chuckles softly, then strokes the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip again, his eyes never leaving mine. “If I have to be here for eternity, I’m grateful for whatever magic let me have you here too.”
“Maybe it’s what Dawnlin wanted all along,” I whisper, and realize that I truly believe it.
Every step of the way, the magic of the island brought me to the mountain. It led me to the healing waters, which dropped me into Weston’s hands. It helped me find the truth, trapping me among the victims of Dane’s actions and forcing me to truly see and trust them. It let me off the ship, allowing me to enact my plan to steal the dust, but I don’t know if the island accounted for this change in events.
Is this the end it foresaw? The one it wants? The one we need?
