Page 75 of Reign of Light
My head drops between my shoulders, and I feel the urge to wrap myself in my arms, just like Sig did, but the moment I step away, a hand clasps mine, tugging me back.
“Hey,” Weston grumbles, lifting my chin with his thumb. I force myself to meet his gaze, even though it makes my eyes well again. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but get some rest.” He leans in, pressing a firm kiss to my lips. “Iwillbe back.”
I nod and roll my lips together, trying to keep from falling apart, but his eyes don’t break away. They won’t until he’s satisfied that I know he’s serious, that he won’t leave me behind.
I spin around and stride quickly across the deck, my only focus is getting to our room. I barely make it to the opening before I have to slam my palm over my mouth when I hear Fin’s voice carry on the breeze.
“Eew. You kissed her. Do you love her, mister Weston?”
“Yes, I do, kid.”
My breath catches, because even though he’s told me himself, hearing him say it to someone else is more love and devotion than I’ve ever had.
“I do too, but not like that. Blech.”
Weston chuckles. “Give it a few years and you’ll probably think differently.”
“But I already love Lennox. Will I find someone like her?”
“One day you will, Fin. Even if you have to wait a really long time.”
I almost break when I take the first step down into the ship as I hear Weston’s last words.
“She was worth the wait.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
The silence in the dim Captain’s quarters is heavy, filled with loss and grief, and loneliness. There have only been two other times in my life I felt this way. The first was when we were told to let go of my mother, the second when I was unworthy. Both will remain etched in my memory, with their newest companion, the moment I walked alone into Weston’s room after saying goodbye to my entire new life.
My gaze stays trained on the floorboards as I shuffle inside, shutting the door firmly behind me. I can’t bring myself to look up, to take in the details of a place that has become so familiar to me, so comforting. This will be one of the last times I see it.
I float through the room, feeling as if I’m no longer in my body. It’s like I’m watching every step I take from somewhere else, the numbness from too much emotion finally overtaking me.
Sig and Jorn are just down the hall, having left before I hurried away to avoid watching two people I love disappear. I know if I trulyneeded them, they would be there for me, but I refuse to bother them, not for a loneliness that I used to live with every day. Tonight is their last night in Dawnlin too, and possibly their last night together, before duty and tradition rip them apart.
Like it might take Weston away from me.
I can barely process the thought before it slips from my mind again, pushed out by the suffocating loneliness that is punctuated by the absence of noise from the crew. The first night I spent on this ship, when I was locked in the brig, I felt alone. I was ripped away from the Voyagers, from a man I thought I loved and who I thought loved me. But I was never alone. From the moment I stepped onto this island, Weston has been there, making sure I was never harmed, but not interfering with any of my decisions. He traipsed through the jungle, followed me into the deadly lagoon, breathed life back into me, broke the door down after hearing me scream from nightmares.
But he’s not here now, and even though I know he is coming back, it doesn’t feel that way. The crew is gone. The Voyagers are gone. Fin is gone. The island is empty, and our hopes of the healing waters are dashed.
It’s too much to bear.
I pad over to the bathtub, my feet and hands moving as if on their own as I reach out and turn the knob, making the water as hot as it will go. I strip my clothes off and wait for it to fill before easing myself over the side and lowering my body into the steaming water. Knees bent, I rest my cheek on them, my eyes falling closed as I let the burn from the heat distract me from the aching pit in my chest.
Every time my mind tries to wander, cycling through the possibilities, the worries, the conversations and arguments that might befall me the moment I step back onto the castle grounds, I push them away. I have no idea what will meet us when we return home, but my training and nerves want to take control and prepare me for the worst possibilities, despite each new scenario winding me tighter and tighter.
The heat does nothing to relax my tense muscles as I sit in the water, my gaze fixed on the wall. I don’t move, barely breathing the shallow breaths this position will allow me, until the water turns cold and I fill it up again. This time, I force myself to move, washing the day away before sliding into Weston’s shirt and crossing the room to the bed.
Climbing in, my body curls into itself, surrounded by the sheets and the scent of Weston. I inhale deeply, hoping to find comfort, but it only brings a prick of tears to my eyes. I don’t know how long he will be gone. The way time passes in our world compared to here is unknown, so it could be hours, or it could be days. Fin never talked about where he lived in relation to the fountain, or if it would take a while to travel. I don’t want to be alone for that long.
Actual tears come then, and I can’t hold them back any longer. I close my eyes, letting them leak from the corners, dampening the pillow beneath my head as I pull the bedding tightly around me. I never thought being able to return home would feel like this. I don’t know how something that I wanted so badly can hurt this much.
I must have fallen asleep because the press of a kiss to my temple wakes me. I startle from where I lie completely wrapped in blankets, and blink my eyes open to find Weston, hands pressed down into the mattress as he hovers over the edge of the bed. His smile is filled with sorrow, and his damp hair falls over his forehead as he leans in, watching me sleep.
The room is still dim, but early morning light peeks through the windows. Without a word, I lift the blankets, and he slides in beside me, leaning back against the pillows and shifting me so I’m tucked into his side. Pulling them back over my shoulder, I wrap my arm around his torso and squeeze him tight against me.
“Fin is home safe,” he whispers, and the ache in my chest I thought would disappear with sleep is back in an instant. “He’s in Grebar, and lives very close to the fountain, so it didn’t take long to find hisfamily. His parents were relieved and thankful to see him. They thought he was dead.”
