Page 44 of Hidden Plays
I raised my brows. I didn’t have anyone like that in my family. “I’m sorry. Was he high at dinner?”
“No, he never showed.” He fingered the condensation on his water glass. “He’s always been a mess.” His gaze crept to mine. “He started drinking in middle school. I wonder if some people are just predisposed, you know?” He chewed the side of his lower lip and freed it. “We had the same upbringing, but my parents complained about him hanging out with the wrong crowd. He didn’t go through any trauma.”
“As far as you know.” I wrinkled my forehead. “You said you have a therapist. Does he?”
“Nope, he refuses.” He pinched his lips. “Noel avoids talking to us. He turned to the bottle instead. It’s heartbreaking really.” He sighed. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a normal brother. Someone I could lean on and talk to.”
“I’m sorry, babe.” Pulling on his hand, I brought him close and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “My sister is the opposite of your brother. She’s smart and studying pre-med at U of A. We were close growing up. Still are.” I rubbed my thumb against the back of his hand. “If I need her, I know I can count on her, and vice versa.” And she had been there for me after I’d come out.
The server set our drinks down and took our orders for street tacos.
I sipped my pinkish margarita, just the right amount of sweet mixed with sour. “Otherwise, how did your dinner go with your folks?” He got along well with them, right? I didn’t know much about them. “What do they do?”
“It went well. My mom is a bartender at Eddy V’s. She loves that job, the clientele and the atmosphere.” His lips twitched into a grin as he gazed at his drink.
“Oh, that’s a cool place. Sort of like a supper club, all dark woods and a jazz piano player.” Holden hadn’t had all the designer clothes I’d had in high school. He didn’t come from wealth. “My family has eaten dinner there a few times.”
He nodded. “My dad works in finance at Desert Solar. He does all right, but he’s pretty stingy with his money.” He scoffed a laugh. “Outside of handing it over to my brother.” He sipped his margarita. “What about your parents? Didn’t you grow up in a Scottsdale mansion?” He smirked.
“I guess I did.” I freed a soft snort. “My dad’s an anesthesiologist, and he’s a good one, so he’s in high demand. As a result, he gets called into the hospital at all times of the day and night and couldn’t go to a lot of my games.” Pain floated across my heart. “He’s a demanding guy, as you can imagine. Herequired good grades and stellar football stats.” I pursed my lips.
“You came out to your family the summer before junior year. Were your stats important to impress your father then?” He lifted his chin, his brows knitting.
“Yeah.” I huffed a chuckle. “We were close, even with his work schedule. Then, when he found out I was gay, he didn’t say much. Just told me to go on PrEP and be careful.” My gut twisted in a knot. He cared more about my physical health than my mental health.
“Are you? On PrEP?” His brows rose.
With a nod, I sat back in my chair. “Yep.” The corner of my mouth twitched. “Why, are you thinking more about fucking me after the shower incident today?” I could hope.
“I am.” A pink cast washed across his cheeks. “Being behind you like that just…” He adjusted his jeans. “Jesus, I’m getting hard and we’re in a restaurant.” He sipped his margarita. “Let’s go back to your family dynamic.”
“Okay.” I shifted in my chair. Was he about to analyze my psyche? Did they teach that shit in the exercise science program?
“You were a cocky bastard your junior year. Do you think it had something to do with the breakdown of your relationship with your father?” His eyes narrowed. “Like, were you doing it for his attention?”
I fingered the napkin in my lap and shrugged. “Maybe, I suppose.” He’d nailed it. My gaze swung to his.
“And your stats suddenly became more important to you, because if they were good, you thought your dad would be proud and would overlook your sexuality.” He ticked a brow.
“What are you, a shrink?” The knot in my gut tightened. He was dead on. I’d suspected this in the back of my mind, but I’d never let it surface.
“So, when you thought I ignored you on the field, that’s why it pissed you off so much.” He pulled my hand, bringing me closer to him, and brushed a lock of bangs from my forehead. “You thought getting the MVP award that year would bring your father back.”
Swallowing a knot in my throat, I nodded. Holy fuck, how did he do this? “You stood between me and the relationship I’d lost with my dad.”
“I’m sorry, JJ. I’m sorry you went through that. I wish I’d known why it was so important to you.” He placed a gentle kiss on my lips and then a smirk crawled over his mouth. “I would have made the same plays, regardless. You weren’t open as much as you thought.”
“Fuck off, Cox.” With a snigger, I shook my head. Maybe he was right. Junior year, my head had been messed up, and I’d blamed him.
The server set our tacos down. “Enjoy.”
“Thanks.” I looked over my plate. Three open tortillas with mounds of steak, avocado and salsa waited for me. “Are we done tearing apart my inner psyche?”
“We’re done.” He folded a street taco and bit into it, juice spilling from the end and onto the plate. With a soft moan, his eyes fluttered shut. “Oh my God, so good.”
I watched him, my lips parting. We needed a location to have sex that wasn’t in the shower. “Can we go to your place tonight?”
His gaze cut to mine. “Uh, no. I’m not out to my roommate, and he’s home.” He chewed. “I guess we can’t go to your place either.”
