Page 71 of Beach Cottage Kisses
That had to end. Disgusted with herself, she rolled over, glanced up at him. Figuring her tangled hair, lack of makeup and the T-shirt and sweats she was sleeping in—in case she had to get up in the night to tend to him—were enough to make sure she wasn’t emitting any unwanted come-on signals.
His glance was worried. Kind.
All Scott. The man she’d known for years. Her friend.
And nothing more.
“I’m sorry.” For the nightmare. Of course.
Any sense of loss over what had happened between them on the floor of Sage’s cottage, or emptiness due to the ending of all possibility that there could be more someday, was just a product of the nightmare. They were all about loss. Every time. And seemed to put a shadow on every other incident in life. Until she came fully out of them.
He frowned, seeming truly perplexed. “For what?”
“Waking you” seemed to be the obvious answer. “You shouldn’t have come in here,climbed up. If you’d hurt yourself—”
“I didn’t,” he interrupted, his gaze not going away. As though he knew she was hiding from him.
The effect of that look was eerie. Confusing. Throwing her back. Holding her captive in the moment.
And Dr. Livingston’s words came to her again. With a stab of fear. She didn’t want to go back to who she’d been. Had been happy to be half-alive. Or fully alive, but half emotionally engaged. No way was she going to risk being all in, trusting in a lifetime relationship. She couldn’t go through that loss again. It had nearly killed her the first time.
Well, that, and the accident itself…
Scott was watching her. Her gaze met his a time or two, as she checked in to measure his mood. Get a sense of what, given the circumstances, she could get away with.Thank you for coming, you can go nowdidn’t seem appropriate.
But she had to say something. The silence was getting way too weird. Both of them waiting for something that wasn’t going to happen. There was just no casual way to get out of such a moment. “You want me to help you back to your room?”
He didn’t flinch. Just kept watching her. “Is that what you want?”
No. Yes. She didn’t know what she wanted. Or wasn’t sure it even mattered. What she wanted was to be the woman she’d been on Ocean Breeze from the day she’d moved in until Sage’s wedding day.
“What do you want?” she threw back at him.
“I want to know if I can help. And if so, how.”
Because they both knew more was going on. A lot more.No one, other than medical professionals when she was in the hospital, had witnessed one of her nightmares.
Back then, she’d been told they were pretty intense. Loud. Severe. All she ever remembered was the darkness. The fear. The loss she couldn’t prevent, no matter how hard she tried.
Iris sat up straight, ready to get off the bed. “There’s nothing to help,” she said. Looked at him. And couldn’t look away. His gaze seemed to hold her secrets. Which was ridiculous.
“Talking makes things easier sometimes,” he said, as though he’d suddenly become a guru of emotional wisdom.
The thought was beneath her. Unkind. Pure defense.
Because…she actually wanted him to know.
For the first time since the accident, she wanted someone to know who she’d been.
Truth sliced through her. Leaving her…weak. Defenseless. Unsure.
Until he said, “Maybe this…surge…you talked about earlier…is happening with me because you know I’m safe. Maybe sharing it will set you free.”
Free. That’s what she wanted to be. Free.
The word sounded so good. She’d always imagined that free would be the best feeling ever.
“Or you could blow me off, I’ll go back to my room and we’ll both pretend that I don’t know that something’s going on with you.”
