Page 15 of Cross My Heart
Trevor jumps up, and the sudden movement startles me out of my pity party for one, “What?”
“What do you mean what?” asks Preston. “She got him to speak!”
“Yeah, it wasn’t like he opened up or anything. It was just a couple of words here and there. He liked helping her find stuff to get the girls settled. When she gave me shit, he burst out laughing,” I smile, remembering my shock.
“So, where is she, why haven’t you hired her?” Loki demands.
“She has some issues,” I’m quiet for a minute. I don’t feel right telling her story. I feel like that would be betraying her. “She…” I pause, “this is just between us because I found out through Ryan." I give them all a pointed glare. "She was attacked. Severely, about a year and a half ago.” I break off debating whether I want to admit the rest. I should have known Trevor would catch on right away.
Loki asks, “You seem pretty confident in her abilities to care for the kids, what’s holding you back?”
“I am. She was truly great with them.” I look up at Trevor, who is now pacing as he starts to speak again.
“Then what aren’t you telling us? Do you think she has issues from her attack that would make her unable to care for the kids?” Trevor asks gently.
“What? No, I meant it when I said I think she would take good care of them. When I yelled at her the first time, she jumped in between the girls like she was protecting them from me. She moved before she even realized what she was doing.” I look up to see them all exchanging expressions of concern.
Shit. Here it comes.
“What do you mean the first time you yelled at her?” asks Loki.
I see the confusion in Trevor’s face. He knows me better than anyone. I don’t have emotional outbursts, ever.
“Well, fuck.” I rest my head in my hands before I continue. “You have no idea how insane it was when she walked in here. It was like an out of body experience. My blood was boiling, and she was doing everything right with my kids. Even Molly was caught unawares. I told her not to put Harper down in her bouncy seat because she would just start screaming again. It was like she didn’t even hear me. She just walked right past me, put her fingers under my chin, closed my mouth, then bent down to buckle Harper into the seat anyway. When she reached over and grabbed Sara because she said she smelled like a sewer, I lost my mind.” I don’t have a chance to continue because I made the mistake of lifting my head, and all three assholes burst out laughing. “What the fuck? This isn’t funny.”
Preston, the asshole, composes himself first. “So, she’s hot?”
“Yes. What? Of course, she is—wait, no, I mean...” I stutter. Their laughter starts anew. I get up to get myself another beer. “You guys don’t understand, I don’t even know what I yelled.Before I caught myself, she had positioned herself in-between the girls and me. She looked like she was two seconds away from dropping my ass. I felt bad after, but when I got Ryan’s report, I felt even worse. She was attacked.” I swallow hard, remembering the pictures and continued, “She probably should have died. The entire time she didn’t make a sound because she was protecting a six-year-old boy. She was afraid if he heard her crying out, he would come out of his hiding spot and the animal would have killed him too.”
The admission sobers them up quickly. I knew Trevor’s past. His mom was often used as a punching bag by his father. He grows quiet, trying to keep his own demons at bay.
“I just don’t know what to do. I admit I’m attracted to her. I am really fucking attracted to her. I would have to be blind not to be, but I just don’t know if having her here is the right thing to do for any of us. At the same time, the agency doesn’t have many other options at this time of year, and I have to go to London. I feel like I can trust her, but going through something like that has to change a person.” I stare right at Trevor.
He knows I’m asking his opinion for the safety of my kids. He lets out a long sigh. “Look, man, you know about my mom. After everything she went through, she was still the best thing in my life. She would have done anything for me. What is your gut telling you about this girl?”
I don’t even hesitate, “It says to trust her.”
Loki sits down. “It seems like you have your answer.”
I put my head in my hands again. I haven’t felt this conflicted since the night I had to decide to take my father off life support. I shake my head and look up as Preston starts to speak.
“Listen, man, you know we are here for you. Hire her. Go to London and get your shit done. We will take turns coming by here every day to assess. If we feel like something isn’t right, we will stay here and call you right away. Your instincts are rarely wrong. If you think you can trust her, you probably can. And it won’t be a hardship if she's as hot as you say she is.” Preston gives me a shit-eating grin and I can’t help the growl that escapes my throat.
I point to each of them. “Keep your fucking paws off of her, I mean it. All of you.”
Preston leans back in his chair, laughing. “This is going to be a fun ride, fellas. A really fucking fun ride.”
“Leave it to Pres to turn hiring a nanny into something perverted,” Loki laughs.
I don’t suppress my chuckle. With these guys, there is no pretending.
“So, you all set?” Trevor asks.
Preston nods, “You’re going to hire her, right?”
Loki asks next, “What’s her name anyway?”
I sit back on the couch and smile. “Lanie. Her name is Lanie Heart, and yes, I’ll call her tomorrow.” We spend the rest of the night unpacking and breaking down box after box.
