Page 32 of Cross My Heart
“Jesus, I don’t know. I can’t get her out of my head. I’m fucked up.” I admit.
“You like her.” He states plainly. “You wouldn’t be possessive like this if you didn’t. I’ve never seen you like this, Dex. I’m a little worried, dude. She is good with your kids; you guys need that stability right now. Are you sure this is something you want to pursue?”
I run a hand through my hair and sigh, I’m going to go bald if I don’t stop pulling at my hair because of her. “Fuck, Trevor, I don’t know. My head is saying not to rock the boat; we need her just like you said. A bigger part of me is out of control and has been since the first moment I saw her. At first, I thought it was just lust. I needed to get laid. I’m not so sure anymore. I want her in my bed, but I feel like I just might want her, all of her, and it scares me.”
Trevor is quiet for a long while.“Trevor? Are you still there?” I ask, staring at the phone screen.
“Yeah, I’m here, just thinking,” he tells me, softening his voice. “I’m not going to tell you what to do. You know how I feel about love and shit, but…I do think you deserve to be happy, Dex. You always believed in love, even before Anna. It’s what made you different, better. You’ve lost that part of you. It’s a part I always admired and If you have a chance to find it, really find it, I think you should go for it. Maybe it won’t work out in the end, but don’t you think that maybe you deserve to try?”
“I’m afraid to mess things up with her the same way I did with Anna,” I admit.
“You asshole!” I’m so shocked, I pull the phone away from my ear to check the caller ID again to make sure I didn’t accept another call by mistake.
“Excuse me?” I say incredulously.
“Get your head out of your ass,” Trevor yells. “YOU didn’t mess anything up with Anna. She was always a selfish bitch. We all saw it but wanted you happy, so we kept our feelings to ourselves. We won’t make that mistake again, by the way. Lanie is different; we can all see it. Figure out what you want and go for it, but for Christ's sake, don’t let the fears of your past ruin your future.”
“You know my track record, Trevor. What if she leaves me too? I’m not sure I would survive her,” putting a voice to my concerns.
“I don’t know what to say to that, man, other than you know we will always stick by you.You have to decide if she is worth the risk,” Trevor states plainly.
“Preston said I might already be too late. Guys are already asking for her number, and she was on a date with Jamie at my house,” I grumble.
“As I said, figure out what you want, Dex. Is it her?” He forces the issue.
“I think maybe,” I finally admit it out loud.
“There is no in-between with her, dude, even I can tell that about her,” Trevor acknowledges. “You’re all in, or you walk away. If Lanie is what you want, then go for it. By the way…Pres is an asshole. He was just trying to get your ass in gear. Jamie is gay.”
“What the FUCK?” but Trevor just laughs and hangs up. Now I have to get through airport security trying to look like I won’t kill someone.
Lanie
Chapter 13
It’s been a long week, so I am happy when Friday gets here. Dexter should be home by tomorrow, and thankfully, we’ve made it without any significant incidents, but I am exhausted. I can’t imagine Dex doing this by himself for so long.
I’m sitting at the table doing a puzzle with Tate when a massive yawn hits. “Hey, buddy,” I say, “how about a pizza movie night tonight? Just you and me?”
He turns his grin up to me and nods.
“Okay. Go change into your pj’s while I order the pizza. Then you can pick the movie.”
Tate heads down the hall to the stairs when the doorbell rings. He stops, frozen in place as he stares at the door.
“Who’s at the door, Tate? Your uncle Preston is supposed to stop by, is it him?”
He doesn’t answer me, but I can see from the kitchen that he is shaking.
What the hell?I run down the hall towards him and see tears running down his face. Tate is pointing at the door where I can see a woman through the glass with a harsh expression on her face.
“Jesus, Tate, open the damn door for your mother,” she shrieks.
Tate’s little body shakes uncontrollably, so I step in front of him while she continues banging on the door. Never have I been so glad for my need to lock, check, and relock doors.
I crouch down to Tate’s level and turn his body so he can no longer see the door.
“Hey, buddy. Look at me, just me, okay?” I tell him as calmly as I can manage.
