Page 61 of Cross My Heart
I’m on my own. I know this is a make or break moment for us. I dig deep and go with the only solution I can come up with. I gently slide Lanie forward, standing up and walking to the front of the lounger. I take her hand in mine and pull her to standing. Not saying a word, I guide her through the house and up the stairs. I don’t stop until we are standing in my bedroom at the foot of my massive bed.
“Dex, didn’t you hear anything I just said to you? I…”
I cut her off. “Lanie, we aren’t going to do anything but sleep. Stay right here while I get some stuff from your room. I just want to hold you tonight.” I know she is confused about why I’m not responding to her confessions. The truth is, I need a few more minutes to gather my thoughts, but I’m not willing to let her go for the night.
I return to my bedroom with a few of her things in my arms. I take her hand in mine, guiding her to the bathroom, where I lay her stuff out on the second sink.
She is in a daze.Confused, possibly hurt, but I’ll fix that soon.
Leaving her on one side of the vanity, I move to my side and start brushing my teeth, never taking my eyes off hers in the mirror. After a while, she starts to brush her teeth and wash her face. I left her a choice of pajamas and one of my large t-shirts, it’s up to her what she feels comfortable sleeping in. I’m thrilled when she meets me in the bedroom in just my t-shirt.
“Come here,” I tell her, wrapping her into a hug. “I’m just going to hold you tonight. Come.” I lead her to the bed and tuck her in. I walk to the other side, taking off my watch and setting it on the nightstand. I slide in beside her, pulling her as tightly into my side as I can get her. I can feel her shoulders shaking, and I know she is crying.
“Lanie?” She starts to roll to face me, but I hug her tightly. “Stay,” I command, knowing that if I look at her, I’ll never get this all out. It’s too important for her not to hear. I hold her as tightly as I can, slightly worried she won’t be able to breathe. “I told you I saw your report. I’m sorry again for going behind your back, but I hope you understand I only did it to protect my kids.”
She is eerily still. “Lanie, I-I have to tell you…”
“Please, Dexter, please, I don’t know if I can handle this.”
“Lanie, the rape kit was negative. He did unspeakable things to you, but rape wasn’t one of them.” I let her cry for minutes, maybe hours, I’m not sure, but hoping to any higher power I just made the right decision. That I can help her extinguish this one demon. When her cries have subsided, I give her a squeeze and roll her over to look at me.
“I don’t know if I just did the right thing by telling you, but I want you to know something. I will wait for you forever, however long it takes. We will move at your pace or stay as we have been, I just want you here, like this, being able to hold you.”
“Dex, I…” I place my fingers on her lips.
“I mean it, Lanie, this is your world, I’m just lucky enough to be a part of it. If at any point you decide you’re ready and want to try for more, I’ll be here with open arms. Remember, I have had the pleasure of seeing you naked, and it was the fucking hottest thing I have ever seen in my life. If I get that chance again, I will spend every ounce of energy I have proving just how gorgeous you are to me, scars and all.”
She places a hand along my jaw and I sink into her touch. “No matter what happens, you will always be welcome in my children’s lives. Whatever manner you want to be, they love you too. I will never ask you to be more to them than you are ready for.
“As far as your mother, Lanie? You have to let her go. She doesn’t deserve you, your pain, or your happiness. Sometimes the best families aren’t the ones you are born into, they are the ones that take you in when you least expect it.”
Rolling her back over, I kiss her temple and snuggle into her back, silently hoping I never have to let her go, knowing without a doubt, I would never recover from that.
Lanie
Chapter 26
Dexter: Day 67 plan in place.Sylvie will arrive at the house at 6 pm…Best MLM plan to date.
Lanie: Ermmmmm???
Dexter: FUCK! This wasn’t for you. Don’t worry, I’ll explain it all when I get home.
I call Julia immediately and she sends me to voicemail. I call again and again with the same response. That ass wipe. She is ignoring me, which means Dexter got to her before I did.What the hell, he’s like a ninja texter or something.
Lanie: I know you are avoiding me. Just tell me who Sylvie is? Do I have anything to worry about?
She replies immediately, of course.
Jules: Not a thing. Try to go with the flow, Lanes. Loosen up a little.
Lanie: You! Are you telling me to loosen up?
Jules: The irony is not lost on me. Gotta go. Luvs.
I don’t bother replying. I’m coming to terms with everyone in my life ganging up on me, but I don’t need to let them off the hook too quickly.
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