Page 63 of Cross My Heart
“That they are, but they are some of the best people I’ve ever known. Sylvie loves the kids, and the boys all love it because, at least for a few days, she stops nagging them.” He laughs and pulls me down onto the couch with him. “So, you ready?”
“Ready? For what? Am I going to Sylvie’s to help with the kids?” I ask.
“No, Lanie. We are going away for the weekend. On a boat, just the two of us. Well, plus the crew. Did you pack?” He asks, staring me down, daring me to disagree.
“Dex, I don’t know. This sounds like a lot,” I say honestly.
“Just because we will be on the water and not land doesn’t mean any of our rules change, Lanie. This weekend is just for you. Plus, I already got permission from Pete and Julia. Mimi sends her love too,” he winks.
I roll my eyes. “Of course, you did.”
“Come on, let's get you packed, we leave in twenty,” he says, pulling me along.
“I don’t even know what to pack, seriously, this is so far out of my element,” I can’t help but whine.
Coming up behind me, he wraps me in a hug that calms me immediately. “Don’t worry so much, Lanie, I’m here for you. Come on, I’ll help. You really don’t need much.”
* * *
Almost an hour later,we’re settled into the cabin of theboat.“Dex, where I come from, this is more than just a boat. This is massive, like Beyoncé massive,” I admonish.
“Only the best for you, sweetheart. Now, come on, get unpacked, dinner will be served soon.”
“Dexter!” I screech. “I didn’t bring anything to wear to a sit-down dinner.”
“Sweetheart, this is just about you and me. There is staff on board, but you will rarely see them. Their job is to make sure we have everything we need without ever being in our way, or making you uncomfortable. You could go to dinner in your pajamas and it would be fine. I just want you to relax and have fun. Have you ever had a real vacation? An adult vacation that didn’t include Maxine and Pete?”
Embarrassed, I look away.
“Lanie, I didn’t say that to embarrass you. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that they always included you in their family. In all the shit in your life, they were the one consistent bright spot, and I’ll be forever grateful. I just want you to experience a few days where you have absolutely nothing to worry about except what you want to do, eat or drink next. Can you do that for me?”
Throwing myself at him for the millionth time, I hug him. Letting all the words I can’t say, show through my actions.
“Come on, I’m starving.”
* * *
Dinner was incredible.I don’t think I have ever eaten such delicious food in all my life.Dexter had found out all my favorites, leaving out the chicken parmesan, and made sure our first meal was something I’ll never forget. Laying on the deck of the boat as he calls it, we are side by side with our heads angled toward each other. Hands entwined, Dex raises them to kiss each of my knuckles.
“So,” he begins, “This is day 67 in my plan to make you never wanna let me go. How’s it working so far?” His eyes dance with humor, but his voice is laced with love.
True to his word, he has done something every single day. Some days it was a simple flower or a candy he thought I would like. One day it was a book he found in an old bookstore; other times, they are over the top like this.
Never once have I felt pressure from him. Never once has he initiated anything intimate without asking me first. As I peek over at him, I see the nervousness he holds. He is always worried I’m going to run. After everything he has given me, all the kindness he has bestowed, I give him as much as I can.
“Honestly, I don’t think I have ever felt more loved than I have these last couple of months.” I don’t look at him, I can’t, or I’ll break. It’s as honest as I can give him right now.
He rolls to his side, running his fingers through my hair. “I do, you know.”
It’s not a question. There is no doubt what he means, but he clarifies anyway.
“I love you, Lanie. I love you like I never imagined possible. When you hurt, I feel it deep in my soul. When you are happy, I feel like I could float away. When you smile at me, I feel like the king of the God damn castle.
I am not expecting anything in return right now, Lanes. I just want you to allow me to be a part of your life, so when you are ready, when our time is right, we will be together forever. I have no doubts about that, Lanie. You’re it for me. I know I’m scaring you, that’s why I got you on this boat, so you can’t run away from me,” he laughs.
“I’m kidding, sort of.” He winks, kisses me gently on the lips, and lays back down beside me.
He loves me. Just me. Not what he can get from me. Not what he expects from me, just me. Pawpaw is the only other man to ever love me unconditionally, and as much as he loves me, it's different from Dex. I don’t know how to explain it, I definitely can’t describe it.
