Page 60 of The Beat of My Heart
I find myself pacing again. Hearing about a woman being attacked in any form is a trigger for me. Watching my mother suffer at the hands of my father when I was too young to do anything about it makes the fact that I couldn’t save her when she died that much harder of a pill to swallow.
As I’m looking out the window, trying to calm my racing heart, I hear Loki ask, “You seem pretty confident in her abilities to care for the kids, what’s holding you back?”
“I am. She was truly great with them,” Dex says, looking straight at me. He’s asking me my opinion. He wants to know what I think because I’ve lived that hell before.
“Then what aren’t you telling us? Do you think she has issues from her attack that would make her unable to care for the kids?” Loki continues.
What the fuck is Loki’s problem tonight?He never pushes like this, and it makes me edgy.
I pace the room of Dexter’s new home while I listen to him recount the events of his interview with Miss Lanie Heart. If I wasn’t so distracted by Loki’s bizarre behavior, I might have even found it funny. As it is, I’m lost in thought until Dex says something about her attack, catching my attention.
“I feel like I can trust her, but going through something like that has to change a person,” Dex says, looking right at me.
Sighing, and trying to keep the contents in my stomach from forcing an exit, I say, “Look, man, you know about my mom. After everything she went through, she was still the best thing in my life. She would have done anything for me. What is your gut telling you about this girl?”
Dex doesn’t hesitate in his answer, “It says to trust her.”
Loki sits down next to him, “It looks like you have your answer.”
That’s how, a few days later, I find myself in Dexter’s office watching as Lanie puts Dexter in his place and whips his household into a home in a matter of minutes. For the first time in months, I laugh. This girl is going to give Dexter a run for his money, and it will be so fun to watch.
Chapter 23
-Good Love, Shy Carter
Julia
“Mamamama.” I hear Charlie babbling from the next room. Rolling out of bed to get him, I realize how tired I am. I knew Lanie had helped a lot when she was here, but I guess I never realized just how much she did. Lanie had moved in with me when she came home from the hospital and was always here to help. “This is what single parenting is like,” I say to an empty hallway. “It’s really hard, but I’ve got this.”
“Hey, handsome,” I say to Charlie as I lift him out of his crib. “What are you doing up so early?” He babbles away happily as I carry him through the hall on our way to the kitchen. Passing Lanie’s room, he reaches for it. “I miss her too, bubba,” I tell him.
I’m really missing her lately, but she needed this. My best friend was suffering from night terrors and couldn’t find direction after her life was almost taken from her so brutally. “We’ll talk to her later, I’m sure,” I tell Charlie. We’ve been FaceTiming every day, but it isn’t the same. For the first time since finding out I was pregnant, I feel utterly alone in the world.
As if he can read my thoughts, Charlie whacks me across the face, “Motherfu-dge, Charlie, what the heck? No, buddy. No hitting,” I scold him, and he laughs.
Making my way to the kitchen, I grab his bottle and fill it with formula. Plopping him in his bouncy seat, I go about making some much-needed coffee. Waiting for it to brew, I scan the mail that came yesterday and I freeze. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten one of these letters, and I’m not in the mood for it right now, but I know the longer I put it off, the worse it will be.
Dear Ms. Julia McDowell,
After further investigation, we regret to inform you…
I don’t even bother reading the rest of it. I will be stuck with Erick’s debt for the rest of my life. “It’s a good thing your mama is a genius, buddy,” I say sarcastically. I make good money, but the debt Erick accrued in my name is suffocating. Add to that attorney fees, and I’ll be lucky if I can pay for Charlie’s college in seventeen years. I could have had my parents help, but I was too embarrassed. I never even told Lanie all of it, and I've always told her everything.
I look at Charlie, who smiles so innocently at me with his father’s eyes, the color of whiskey and fireflies. He looks so much like his father; it has brought me to tears many times. I keep hoping I’ll outgrow that. I can’t blame the tears on hormones at this point, and people will notice if I don’t get my act together.
I jump off my stool and almost land on my ass as my front door bursts open. I hear the clack-clack-clack of a cane and know GG is here.
“Jules? Where the hell ya at?” I hear her yell from the front door.
“In the kitchen, GG,” I yell, wondering why in God’s name she’s here before 7 am.
Tossing a bag on the counter, GG slaps the back of my head in greeting.
“Jesus, GG. Do you have to do that every time you see me?”
“Keeps you on yer toes, doesn’t it, Sinny?” she cackles. “Now, let me get my hands on my little man here.”
I have to admit, GG is batshit crazy, but she loves Charlie like her own grandson. It's comforting.
