Page 64 of The Beat of My Heart
Shaking my head, I tell her the truth, “I was so embarrassed, Lex. I still am. My career is literally risk-management for this stuff. How was I so fucking stupid I didn’t see a con coming straight for me?” Releasing a breath, I feel four years' worth of pent up shame leave my body.
After pouring us both an enormous glass of wine, Lexi clinks her glass with mine, “Cheers,” she says, “to new beginnings and the fucked-up lovers who caused them.”
Together, we laugh, then proceed to drink our faces off.
Chapter 24
-Monster, Imagine Dragons
Trevor
Sitting at my desk, I do what I’d promised myself I wouldn’t. I scour the dark-web for Angel. I do this from time to time, always coming up empty-handed because I have nothing substantial to go by. A few times, after more drinks than I care to acknowledge, I’ve been tempted to ask Loki. I know he has all the answers I need, but I don’t. I can’t. Almost two years later, as far as I know, we aren’t any closer to bringing down my father. That means my life is still a shell of what it could have been. I have nothing to offer but heartache.
Tossing a pen on the table, I recline in my chair and notice my hand has found residence over my heart again. A constant ache lives there now.
Fuck it.If I’m going to hurt, I might as well have a mark there to remind me just how close I came to having it all.
Trevor: You busy?
Loki: Depends. You going to let me help you with Angel?
Trevor: Fuck off. Meet me downtown, near O’Malley’s in half an hour.
Loki: Done.
Standing on Waverley Street, I look up at the sign, Redemption Tattoo. It’s a great name, but there will be no redemption for me.
“What in God’s name are we doing here, Trevor?” I hear Loki call out from half a block away.
My chest zings with the pain that’s been there since Boston, and my fist involuntarily clutches the empty space.
“Give me a break, okay? Just come in and make sure this guy doesn’t spell anything wrong while I’m not looking,” I tell him.
“Trevor, fucking hell. You’re losing your goddamn mind. Have you even showered this week?” he asks.
Opening the door, I ask, “Are you coming in or not?”
“You don’t have to live like this, Trevor,” he barks.
“As long as Romero walks free, I do,” I tell him, letting the door close again. “They need me. They need my software. Until we take them out, my life is not my own. I will not give them leverage, and that is what she would be, Loki. Leverage to hell. If Dexter didn’t fucking need me, I would kill them myself just to be done with this shit. To serve justice for my mother. But I can’t. We are the only family he has right now, and I won’t do that because I’m not Romero. I don’t put my family in hell, why can’t you fucking understand that?”
Before I get out my next breath, Loki has me jacked up against the wall, his forearm cutting into my neck. The fucker is strong.
“You fucking asshole. Don’t you think I know what you’ve been living through? Don’t you think I’ve been doing everything in my fucking power to bring this to an end? You don’t want to bring your family into your hell, but guess what, asshole? I’m your family too, and I’m here with you and I’m telling you to get a fucking grip. You need Angel, and I’m telling you right now, she needs you too.”
Something in me snaps at his statement, and I shove forward with both hands, but I don’t let up. I charge him as my fist flies through the air. “What do you mean she needs me too? You goddamn asshole, are you watching her?” My fist connects with the side of his head.
His arms move quickly to block my next punch, and we tumble to the sidewalk. “Stop fucking punching me, you dick,” he yells, rolling on top of me using some martial arts trick to subdue me.
Bucking my hips, I’m able to roll us, but he’s right. I’m losing my fucking mind, and I swing wildly. I’ve never been a fighter, and he is obviously trained. He dodges my next punch and gets one in himself, straight to my kidney, knocking the wind out of me.
“What the hell is going on out here?” asks a burly man who has exited the tattoo shop. Pulling me off of Loki, he looks between the two of us. “Are you two about done, or do I need to call the cops?”
Straightening his black t-shirt, Loki says, “Nah, we’re good. This asshole here is your next appointment.”
What the hell is wrong with me? “Loki, I…”
“Save it,” he says. “We’ll sort this shit out later, but from now on, fucking trust that I’m doing what I told you I would do.” He gestures for me to enter the shop, but I pause before going in.
