Page 75 of The Beat of My Heart
“What?” I ask once I’m seated.
“She, J-Julia is Angel,” he finally blurts out, tossing a folder onto the table.
Shaking my head, I laugh. Surely, I misheard him. Opening the folder, all the air leaves my body, and for the first time in my life, I feel faint. Turning around to face the sink, I vomit. When I’m done, I dry heave some more.
My brain is missing a connection, and I can’t get it to focus. Loki hands me water, but my hands are shaking so hard it crashes to the ground.
“Trevor…”
“No. Loki, don’t,” I warn. Grabbing the folder and all of its contents, I storm off to my office and slam the door so hard it falls off the hinges. Setting the folder on my desk, I take a seat. I don’t know how long I stare at the back of the envelope like it will burn me, but when I finally open it again, my heart beats for the first time in almost two years.
“Julia is Angel.” I say it repeatedly, but it doesn’t compute. I sit there for hours without a cohesive thought. Finally, the pieces come together for me. The reason she was so adamant about a one-night stand, the reason she didn’t do relationships. She couldn’t, she had a kid at home.
I look at the pictures again. I can’t tell how old the boy is, these pictures must all be old. He doesn’t look much older than Dexter’s girls.I hope he looks like her. Where the fuck did that thought come from? I look closer at the pictures, trying to see his face, but it's clearly winter in Vermont, and he is wrapped up or buried in her chest in every shot.
What the hell am I going to do? What is she going to do when she sees me? Will she feel the same as she did in Boston? It’s been a long time. Loki said just her and her son were moving, didn’t he? Does that mean she is still single?
What the fuck are you even saying, douche bag? What about Romero?
I try to remember what Loki said this morning. Something about him going dark again, but I know he said that this time when he comes out, it’ll be done. Over. Is it possible for me to be with Angel again? Will she even want me after she learns the truth?
Fuck, what if Romero learns she’s here? Will he remember her? I wish I hadn’t stormed off like a juiced-up nut monkey so I could ask Loki these things, but I’m sure he’s long gone by now. I can tell by the way he was dressed that he was leaving straight from here to whatever hell the Black family was dragging him into.
Pacing my condo while making a list, I can come up with only one solution. I have to face Julia and hope she isn’t about to put the final nail in my barely beating heart.
* * *
Flyingthrough Dexter’s front door, I don’t even bother with pleasantries. “She’s here? Julia. She’s here?”
Raising his eyebrow, he asks, “With as much as you guys text, I figured you knew.”
“No, no, I didn’t know. I’ve been in the lab day and night finishing something,” I lie.
“Yes, Julia is here, just not right at this moment. She went out to run some errands. Come on, let's grab a beer,” he suggests, obviously thinking I’m about to have a coronary. Maybe I am. “What is the big deal? You knew she was Lanie’s best friend, you knew you would run into her at some point. Are you telling me you are still only texting? No phone calls? No FaceTime?”
“No. Strictly texting, it was best for everyone,” I say.
“What’s best?” Lanie asks, walking into the kitchen.
“Nothing, Lanes,” I blurt, “How are you feeling?”
“So far so good,” Lanie says, taking a seat at the island. I can’t help but look at her and wonder what Angel looked like when she was pregnant.
“La-aine, I’ve got just what you need, babes,” I hear Angel’s voice coming from the hall, and the world moves in slow motion.
I watch as Angel enters the room. Her lithe body entirely covered by the bags she is carrying in one hand and what looks like an enormous jar of freaking pickles in the other.
“Can you believe I had to go to five different stores for these pickles, Lanes? But trust me, they are so…” she breaks off as she lowers the bag to look at Lanie, but meets my eyes instead. Instantly clutching my chest, I feel the life beating again.
How had I been living? She jumpstarts my heart, and it’s like being born anew.
“Charlie?” She whispers.
“Angel.” Holy fuck, I didn’t plan this very well. My feet are cemented to the ground, and my mouth is so dry I can’t form words. I just watch her as she stares, first at me, then at Lanie.
“Holy shit,” is all Lanie can say before a loud crash catches my attention.
Looking up again, I realize Julia has dropped the jar of pickles and everything else in her hands. She is backing up when I realize there has to be glass all over the floor.
