Page 90 of The Beat of My Heart
“Because I know how your brain works, Jules, and I want to tell you to shut it down. Trevor is an honorable man who was finally alive for the first time in ten years when he met you. I’ve watched you too, you’ve been miserable. Let me take care of this shit, and you focus on the family you guys can be. Can you do that?” he asks.
Ignoring him, I ask, “When are you coming home?”
“I have an additional problem to fix. Once that’s taken care of, I’ll be back in Waverley-Cay. I can’t get out until all innocents are secure,” he tells me.
“You really are a spy, aren’t you?” I ask.
“Give this life a chance, Jules. You both deserve it.”
“Wh-Loki?” I look at the phone, but the line’s gone dead.
Walking back into the kitchen, I find Seth with an ice pack to his face, so I chuck the phone at his head.
“Fuckwad,” I say as I pass.
“Crazy bitch,” he replies.
“Glad we understand each other,” I tell him.
Unable to take a second more of this day, I go to my bedroom only to find Trevor sitting on the edge of my bed with a photo album. It contains every picture of Charlie I own, and he is cradling it like it’s the most precious thing on the planet.
“I hate that I missed all this,” he says without looking up.
“Me too,” I tell him. Padding across the hardwood floors, I stop at my nightstand to grab a notebook I’ve never shown anyone. I take a last glance at it, then hand it to Trevor.
“I don’t want you to read this right now. But I want you to have it. I wrote you a letter after every milestone Charlie reached. I started when I was pregnant and scared, I used it to feel close to you. Once he was born, I realized how much you’d be missing, and I hated myself. I did my best to write how I felt about every detail, thinking if we ever found you, you’d know how sorry I was… and how great Charlie is.”
“Angel,” he says with sadness in his voice just before he rips his shirt over his head. At first, I’m confused, then I see the tattoo. A tattoo that was most definitely not there when I met him in Boston.
Walking closer, I feel my throat close up. When I am standing in front of him, I let my gaze stray to his heart. Trevor’s heart is now decorated with a broken angel. “Grace is gone,” I whisper.
“Julia Grace, you have been etched into my heart and mind since the first moment I met you. My heart hurt every day after I lost you. Every day, I ached because, without you, I was dead inside. I found myself clutching my chest and needed you there. You have been with me every single day. I need you with me, always,” he says.
Overcome with emotion, I lean down and place my lips on his. It’s a kiss I’ve waited so long for. A kiss that wakens me from my darkest days. The kiss is slow, exploratory—until it's not.
“Angel,” he says, pulling back. I’m standing between his legs and he places his hands on my hips. Trevor rests his forehead against my stomach and kisses. “I don’t want to miss another moment with Charlie, or you.”
The emotion radiating off of him drowns out all my earlier worries. This connection we have, it doesn’t come along every day. I know that now. Can I stand by him through whatever shitstorm is coming? Can I trust him? Loki?
My heart is screamingyes, you nutbag, and for once, I follow my heart, not my overcrowded brain.
“Me neither, Trevor. I need you,” I tell him.
Peeking up, he asks, “Do you need me now, or always, Julia?” The vulnerability in his voice has me spiraling.
“Both,” I finally say.
Moving like a jaguar, Trevor has me off my feet and onto the bed in less than a second. Hovering over me, he looks into my eyes, waiting for permission.
In response, I reach between us and undo his belt. The growl escaping him is the only warning I get. Swatting my hands away, he lifts my shirt over my head and tosses it somewhere in the room. Pressing some of his weight into my body, I feel him long and hard. I need him.
“Trevor, please,”
“Please what, Angel?” he asks as he blows warm air onto my exposed nipple, causing a rippling sensation to roll through my body.
Arching into his touch, he accepts my invitation. Sticking out his tongue, he slowly draws circles around my stiff peak just before he bites down gently on it.
“Argh… holy, Trevor.”
