Page 97 of One Little Mistake
Now I’m convinced she really is a scary fucking witch.
Chapter 37
Lexi
Why doesn’t GG have any freaking tissues in here?I’m sitting in her truck after today’s therapy session, beginning to think I’m paying someone to make me cry, and it fucking sucks.
Every day Sarah Green gives me a new assignment. Yesterday it was to be nice to Easton. Today is much more complicated. Today I’m supposed to talk to GG. Sarah assured me the fear that she’ll be disappointed in me is unwarranted, but it doesn’t change my worry.
Grabbing the collar of my T-shirt, I pull it up to my forehead, then use it to dry my tears. Like a child who thinks they are invisible when they hide, I sit like this for far longer than is normal. Hiding feels safe.So does being in Easton’s arms.
God, my inner bitch is going soft.
Finally, I pull my shirt down. I don’t even bother glancing around to see if anyone saw me. At this point, the whole damn town knows I’m broken.
I drive slowly back up the mountain. Today’s therapy session is rattling around in my head as I listen to Lewis Capaldi’s “One”. The tears hit me like a tsunami, and I have to pull over.
“I’m not okay,” I say to an empty truck. Easton has spent almost a year trying to put me back together, and I’ve spent that time pushing him away. The realization that he loves me anyway causes me to sob harder than I’ve ever done before.
I cry for the baby I lost, for the children I’ll never have, and for the pain I’ve kept hidden for way too long.
Images of Lanie and Julia with their kids flash before my eyes, and jealousy cuts through me like a knife. I don’t want to be the bitter auntie that can’t look at her nieces and nephews without longing squeezing my heart, but that’s how I’ve lived for over a year. I’m angry and jealous and mourning a life I’ll never have.
My mind drifts to Easton and Tate outside of Preston’s hospital room, and I slap my hand over my mouth to keep from throwing up. My Beast was so good with little Tate. Is it fair of me to take this piece of life away from him?
“There are other ways to make a family, Locket. Right now, I just need you.”His voice is so clear in my mind, I would swear he was sitting next to me.
The Westbrooks are big on chosen family. Will he really be okay with a family that wasn’t his blood, though? Will he grow to resent me one day if he never has children of his own?
I don’t know how long I sit there, but when I put the truck in drive again, my shirt is soaked through with tears.
The drive goes by in a blur, and before I know it, I’m entering GG’s kitchen. The second her eyes meet mine, my walls come tumbling down in loud, messy, agonizingly brutal wails.
“I-I almost died. I lost my baby, and now I’ll never get the chance to carry one again. I-I’m broken, and I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t know how to feel. I-I can’t get past my pain, GG. What do I do?”
She moves fast for an old lady and wraps me in an embrace so tight I struggle for breath in between my sobs. As she holds me, I feel her strength and her love, and it grounds me.
“Loss is a terrible, terrible thing, Locket. There are lots of stages and no right or wrong way to handle them. You’ve been angry for so long you kept those feelings buried. Now they’re comin’ out, and it’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna test you, too, but you’re my girl, Lexi. I’m here to pick you up when you can’t, and you have a man around here that’s bustin’ his ass just to keep you close. It’s time to let us in. It’s time to let us carry you for a while.”
“I-I don’t think I know how, GG,” I sob in between hiccups. “What if I’m too broken? What if I can’t ever get past my grief? Wh-What if I’m too much work and he decides he can’t handle me?”
“Lex? You’ve put that man through so many paces, I’m convinced he’s not goin’ anywhere. He’s in it for the long haul. You just have to accept him. As for bein’ too broken? There ain’t no such thing. The heart can do wondrous things when it’s ready.”
“How will I know? How will I know I’m ready?”
“You’re here, ain’t ya? That’s the first step in healin’. Why don’t ya tell me what beat my baby girl down? Then we can talk about lettin’ Grumpy’s love in.”
“I-I think I already have, GG. No one’s ever loved me like this, though. I don’t know how to handle it. How can I say I love him back when I don’t even love myself?”
“Oh Locket. Lovin’ yourself will always be the hardest thing you do. It’s in there though, and Grumpy’s kind of love only comes around once in your lifetime. You’re on the right path. I see you opening up to it before it’s too late. Come on now. Let’s go to the porch, and you can tell me all about what’s causin’ your heart to bleed.”
Time stands still as I tell GG about my life over the last few years. How Miles started off as the perfect boyfriend. What happened when it all changed, and why I was scared to ask for help. When I tell her about the child I lost and the subsequent hysterectomy, I see her cry for only the second time in my life.
“Things have a funny way of workin’ out, Lexi. You may not get your family in the way you always hoped, but a family is coming your way. I promise you that.”
GG has a way of making things happen, and I don’t dare question her predictions. I’m not ready to go there yet. But the knowledge that all hope isn’t lost for a family eases the constant ache in my chest. It’s a pain that’s resided there for over a year, and suddenly I feel myself breathe a little easier.
We sit in silence, hand in hand, until the sun begins to set. I nearly jump out of my skin when the front door crashes open and Ashton storms outside.
