Page 113 of One Little Lie
“I know I’m fucking this up, Rylan, but I’m not done with you. Please don’t be done with me. I have so much shit to figure out. I-I’m broken, but I want to do better for you. I want to be better so I can support you in the things that matter in your life. Please don’t push me away.”
“You’re not broken, Hatty. But we both have things we need to work on and figure out. New York isn’t the place for you to do that.”
Stepping away from him is shredding my heart into a million pieces. I know I’m the world’s biggest hypocrite. I’m lecturing him on equality and fairness in a relationship when in reality, I’m doing the same thing he did. I’m going to push him away to protect him, even if it’s from himself.
“I’ll do it wherever you are, sweetheart.”
I can’t swallow past the lump in my throat, and I choke on an inhale.
“No, Hatty. I-I think we need to take a break.”
“You’re breaking up with me?” It’s a hoarse whisper that has me shutting my eyes tightly.
“My life is the things your nightmares are made of, Hatty. Our timing is off.”
“You’re leaving me,” he says again. “That’s it? You’re just going to decide that I don’t get a chance to make this work? My world doesn’t spin without you in it, Rylan. Do you understand that? I don’t know how to live without you in my life anymore.”
Pain lances through my chest. “Is that all I am to you, Hatty?”
“What do you mean is that all? It’s everything, Rylan. You mean everything because you’re my entire world.”
“As much as I want that to be true, I can’t, Hatty. I can’t be your happiness. You have to be happy with yourself first. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.”
“Bull shit. I’ve loved you my whole life, Rylan.”
“For how long, though?” My head tilts as I stare at him.
“How long what?” He exhales a frustrated breath.
“How long can you be happy putting all your joy on me? That’s a lot of pressure, Hatty. What if I change? What if we get old, and I’m not the same person I am right now? What happens to your happiness then?”
“It’ll change with you. I-I don’t understand what we’re even fighting about right now,” he admits.
“I don’t think I did until just now. But, I know you can’t expect me to carry your happiness for you. Everything I’m going to accomplish in New York is the same things that fuel your nightmares, right?”
He stares at me for a long while but says nothing.
“This is something I’ve worked for, Hatty. For years. This one event could make all my years of work worth it.”
“I know,” he rasps.
“If you come with me, you’d destroy yourself before you’d walk away. I don’t want that for you, or for us, because regardless of what you think right now, you would grow to resent me for dragging you there.”
“So, you’re going to leave me. Just like that?”
No. Not just like that. Nothing about this is easy.I want to scream. But no words come.
“I’m not agreeing to a break, Rylan. We’re either together or we’re not.”
My gaze flashes pain as I stare at him. My mouth hangs open, but all I can manage is a strangled cry.
His eyes dart back and forth between mine, then his head drops, and he takes a step back.
“I love you with everything I am, Rylan. I’m sorry that’s not enough.” He turns on his heel and is gone while I drag in a haggard breath.
This is what I wanted, right? A break so we can both work on ourselves? Our careers? This was my idea. So why does it feel so final? Why do I feel like Hatty just walked away from me for the last time?
Chapter 38
