Page 118 of One Little Lie
She drags me deeper into the ballroom, and I hear Colton chuckling at my wary expression.
‘Chance of a lifetime,’ he mouths.
Yeah, I just hope I can deliver.
* * *
“You’re sure you’ll be okay?” Colton asks for the tenth time in the last hour. He’s heading back to Waverley-Cay, and I’ll be alone in New York City for the first time.
“Yes, Colty. I’ll be fine.”
His expression is skeptical, and I can’t say I blame him. It didn’t even sound convincing to my own ears.
“Loch lives upstairs in the penthouse. If you need anything, anything at all, he’ll take care of it. You just have to ask.”
“Thanks, Colt.” I bury my face into his chest, and he gives me a squeeze.
“Call Halton, Ryguy. Please? I hate to see you like this.”
“I will … eventually.”
Colton shakes his head in sadness. “I just don’t fucking get it, Rylan. How can two people love each other as much as you guys do, and you still can’t figure out how to find your happy?”
“Sometimes, love isn’t enough,” I whisper. Even as the words leave my lips, I know they’re a lie.
Colton kisses my head and promises to call when he lands. I head deeper into the hotel suite Lochlan has put me up in. The room has every luxury you could ever want or need, but to me, everything feels dreary.
Deciding to skip dinner again, I climb into the king-sized sleigh bed with Egyptian cotton sheets and burrow deep beneath the soft fabric just as a text message chimes on my phone.
Halton: I miss you.
Halton: I know I’m probably supposed to give you space on this break, but I fucking hate it.
Halton: I know you can’t carry my happiness for me, but what if the only thing I need to make me happy is you?
Halton: I love you with all that I am, Rylan. That will never change. Please tell me how to fix us?
Instead of answering, I turn off my phone and cry, full bodied, heart wrenching tears that wreck my soul. I’m doing this to protect him. That’s what I tell myself in moments like this, but as I protect him, my heart dies a little more.
Love shouldn’t hurt this much. Love shouldn’t make me want to give up on all my hopes and dreams, but as I lay here, night after night, I have to wonder if any of it is worth it. I’ve been in a cloud of pain and sadness since I walked away from Hatty, and for what? A career that may or may not take off?
Tears flow harder as fear grabs hold of my thoughts. Have I been lying to myself this entire time? I said I was pushing him away to protect him, but how is that any better than what he did to me years ago? Deep down, I worry we’ll never be able to have love without the pain that keeps separating us.
Maybe, sometimes love just isn’t enough.And it’s that thought that shreds my heart in a million different ways.
Chapter 40
Halton
Hitting refresh, I scroll through Rylan’s Instagram feed again. She hasn’t posted anything today, and it’s driving me fucking nuts.
I really have turned into a stalker. I tried to call her yesterday, but it went straight to voicemail, the same as the day before.
Slamming the lid of my laptop down, I stand and stretch my arms over my head. I’ve been sitting at my desk for hours, not at all interested in going home to an empty house. I miss Rylan. I miss having her in my bed, and I really miss her goddamn voice.
I was miserable when I pushed her away in high school, but nothing compares to the near constant ache of loss I feel now. It’s overwhelming and all consuming. There’s no greater pain than knowing what it feels like to live in her light but be forced to stay in the dark. It’s like a knife to the chest that twists painfully each passing day.
Falling back into my chair, I open my laptop again to the video app. It only takes a second to pull up the home movies because I’ve been watching them on a loop for the last week.
