Page 56 of One Little Lie
Halton
Her shocked gasp has me regretting the words before they’re even fully formed.Why the fuck am I admitting this shit?
“Wh-Why, Hatty?”
I can’t take that pained expression on her face, knowing I put it there, so I direct my gaze at the floor. God, every inch of my skin burns like four million fire ants are crawling all over my body.
Forcing my hands through my hair, I tug on the ends until my scalp prickles and the edge of pain makes me focus. Cradling my head in both hands, I shake it back and forth. I can’t admit why I’m falling apart. I can’t tell her my biggest lie.
Her touch nearly makes me jump out of my skin. Two soft hands encapsulate my own on either side of my head, and my eyes flutter open. Rylan is on her knees between mine, gently pulling my hands away from my face. I watch in a daze as she holds them in her lap.
We’re inches away from each other, and the pain I’ve caused swirls around our bodies like a tornado of frenetic energy. Ever so slowly, she leans forward until our foreheads touch.
“Hatty, what did you do?” she whispers.
When we’re connected like this, I swear I can read her mind.Why am I so in tune with someone who can’t be my forever?It’s not fair, and it makes me want to rage against the world, but she senses that and raises one hand to place it over my heart.
“I did what I had to do, Verity. What I have to do.”
Her eyes close, and I hold my breath, awaiting her next move. Her thumb mindlessly caresses the skin on my inner wrist, and I focus my attention there so I don’t lose it.
I’ve already fucked up by kissing her.I can’t do this to Colton. He’s my brother, my family. I don’t want to do this to him, not if Rylan is his forever, but I’m only human. I know if she makes a move now, I won’t be able to deny her. Or myself. And it scares the hell out of me.
“Do you like yourself, Hatty? The man you’ve become?”
I’m so shocked by her question, my brain shuts down. My body tenses with years of frustration, pain, and longing until I can’t hold it in anymore.
“No,” I croak, unable to stop the honesty in this intimate situation.
“Why?”
Her eyelids flicker with moistened lashes as she struggles to focus on my eyes, but I won’t let her pull away from me yet. Not when this is the most alive I’ve felt in years.
“Because you were the best parts of me, Rylan. The only happiness I’ve ever felt …” I snap my mouth closed. Going down this road with her can only lead to more pain, but she pulls away enough to see my entire face.
“You hurt me, Hatty.” Her voice is barely audible. It comes out in a whisper of a breath, but somehow, I feel her strength behind it. “You made me question everything and everyone for a really long time. You put me through hell. I lost my best friend, my life. The life I thought I would have. You took that all away with no explanation.”
I swallow hard and bite the inside of my cheek. I owe her a lot of words, but I can’t say them without betraying Colton, so I glance away, and she continues.
“But after all this time, do you feel this? This connection we have? Even after all the shit you’ve put me through, I feel your pain. Here …” She points to her chest, and I’m forced to lift my gaze. Her damp eyelashes are overflowing with tears now, and my nostrils flare as I breathe in and out, trying to rein in my own emotions. “You can deny it all you want, Hatty, but I know. I know you need me as much as I need you. You’re not this asshole everyone thinks you’ve become. You’re hiding, and I see you. I’m calling you out on your shit right now. If all I can have of you is friendship, then I’ll take it because I think you need it more than me. I love you enough to give that to you because even if you deny it, I know you need me.” Her voice breaks, and my hands tighten on hers. I squeeze her fingers in recognition, even if I can’t bring my pansy ass to say the words yet. “You will tell me why you hurt me, though.”
My head shakes almost violently, but her single finger crosses the space between us and lands on my lips. It takes every ounce of decency I have not to suck on it, but she effectively silences me.
“You will tell me, and soon. But, for now, I’ll be your friend. And you’ll be mine. We’ll start over because at least while we’re here, we’re all we have. I’ll be your friend, Hatty, but don’t ever hurt me again. I’m telling you right now, I wouldn’t survive it. My heart can’t take it. You broke me once, please, please don’t do it again.”
“I … Fuck, Rylan.” I sniffle because emotions are coming out one way or another, and right now, they’re choosing my damn nose. Sucking in, I hope I can get through this conversation with some semblance of my manhood intact, but when she raises her dimmed eyes to mine, all pretense falls away. Tears, snot, choked back sobs all escape at once. “I never wanted to hurt you, sweetheart. Never. I-I had to. You’ll never understand. I can’t make you, but I won’t do it again. I promise. I …” These next words already feel bitter on my tongue, but I force them out, anyway. “I can be your friend. We’ll just be friends.”
“You want to be like Colton?” There’s hurt and resignation in her voice. It guts me.
I don’t know how long I search her face or what I’m hoping to find there, but finally, I seal my fate. “No, but I’ll be your Hatty.”
Her eyes close, and she nods but doesn’t pull away. Leaning forward, I place a gentle kiss to her temple, and pull her body into mine. I hug her with all the love I have, because even if she can’t be mine, I know my heart will always belong to her. My verity.
“Friends.”
“Friends.”
We both sound as if we’re trying to convince ourselves, or maybe that’s wishful thinking on my part.
