Page 108 of Falling Into Forever
The words are injected with false cheer that instantly makes me grind my teeth.
“Don’t do that, Saylor. Don’t hide your emotions away for my benefit. If you’re sad, be sad. If you’re pissed off, be pissed off. I’m a big boy, I can handle it.”
Her posture deflates, then she shifts in Grady’s direction, and he nods.
“It’s not that,” she says. “It’s not that I want to hide things, but this will be hard for you, too. I don’t need you worrying about me on top of everything. I said I’ll be fine, and I will.”
Grady clears his throat. “You know, Sass? For the first time in a long time, it sounds like you truly believe that.”
She nods. “I do. I need a support system, and I’ll still stumble occasionally, but I do want some agency over my life.” Her nervous gaze finds mine, but there’s truth in her words. She’s always been a fighter, and now she’s beginning to believe in herself again.
Grady stands, blinking fast when moisture suspiciously appears on the side of his face. Then he wipes his cheek on the outside of his bicep and collects the papers before I can respond. “I’ll start on this stuff and keep tabs on everyone while you’re gone, but make sure this”—he holds up a packet of papers—“is what you want to do.” He turns his back on us, but his voice is thick with emotion.
“I won’t change my mind,” I tell him. “I have enough savings to hold us over until I’m back on my feet.”
He nods, rounds the table to kiss Saylor’s head, then pats me on the shoulder and leaves. It’s the most emotive gesture he’s had toward me that wasn’t anger or disgust.
Progress.
“You’ve always thought you have to fix everything and everyone,” Saylor says softly, and I find myself longing for Oscar. This muted version of her isn’t my girl. This is someone fighting fear, and I hate that any part of it is my fault. And Trent is my fault. I should have never confided in him.
When Grady opens the door at the bottom of the stairs, our sanctuary is flooded with shouts from reporters and questions that all jumble into one loud, chaotic disruption.
Her finger glides across the table, and I can’t look away. Is she writing my name? Has she always?
“This isn’t only your mess to clean up. I have to find happiness within myself, Dante.” Her gaze burns a hole in the side of my face, but I follow the movements of her finger.
“Do you always write ‘Dante’?”
Her finger halts, and her cheeks flush, then she lifts that finger to tap at her necklace. “It’s because we were talking about it.”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Sayls. But a cursive D is distinguishable. Is it always my name?”
“Probably.” She shrugs, but my heart is tripping over itself at this information, and it’s hard to focus when she keeps speaking. “I will figure out my career and my mental health. Me.” She taps her fist against her chest twice, drawing my attention back to her. “I appreciate your support, but don’t for one minute believe you have to save me. I told you there would be highs and lows being with me, but the lows are not something you can find a solution for, okay?”
No, it’s not okay. I’ll always have the urge to make everything right for her. But telling her that would start a battle neither of us has energy for, so instead, I tug her to the sofa and pull her down into my lap.
“I’ll try,” I say when she’s settled against me. “But fixing things and people and situations is a part of me. It’s who I am. I will respect boundaries, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
“No,” she laughs. “It doesn’t.”
“How’s Ainsley doing?” I ask, sobering us to the moment.
She stiffens against me. “She’s okay. She spoke to the clinic in Chance Lake, where she’s doing the rest of her residency, and they agreed it’s safer for her to work in the Connecticut Medical Center until the media circus clears. It sucks that she’s so far away, but it’s for the best.”
Shit. That’s one less person for Saylor to lean on.
“Stop,” she orders. “I’m not going to spiral while you’re away. You’re thinking the worst because you haven’t seen me at my worst, or at my best in a long time, but you’re asking me to trust you, so you need to trust me too. Grady will help if I start to struggle. It’s okay that you don’t understand our relationship, because we understand each other and know when to push the other out of their minds and into life. Heisthatfriendfor me, like I’ll be for him when he needs me.”
She presses on my chest until she’s sitting high enough to be eye to eye. “Plus, I have something to fight for. I want to be someone strong enough to fight for herself. When I pushed you away, I thought I had to live the way I have been. I thought it was all I could handle, but then you burst back into my life and made me admit that I was wrong. I can fight for me while also fighting for us. I won’t always win, though, Dante. You should prepare yourself for that. I don’t like those episodes. I also can’t control them, but I can promise to fight through them. And I will. But I can only do it if you’re doing what needs to be done for you and Poppy.”
“I know.” And I do. She’s the strongest person I’ve ever met. She just forgot that for a while. But we’re still fragile, and I hate that I have to leave her so soon.
“And Grady is checking on some stuff for me,” she says, pulling me from my fears. “If it all works out the way I want, I’ll be able to take control of my career too.”
This drags a chuckle from my chest. “For someone who isn’t a lawyer anymore, he’s doing an awful lot of lawyering.”
She laughs and it settles deep into my chest. “He is. He loved being a lawyer once.” She lifts her shoulder. “But things change.”
