Page 112 of Falling Into Forever
I wait until his even breaths indicate he’s drifted off completely, then I slip from the bed, tiptoe to my office, open a new file, and take back control of my career—one word at a time.
* * *
“Hi,”I say breathlessly. I’m not sure how many times my phone rang, but it finally pierced my concentration, and I dove for it, because that ringtone was set for only one person.
“Hi,” Dante says reverently.
“Are you home?”
“No, Sayls, I’m not home.”
His voice sounds strange, but he recovers quickly. Did I say something wrong?
The call drops and less than ten seconds pass before he calls back on FaceTime.
I don’t have my glasses on, so I squint at the screen. “If you’re not home, where are you?”
“A house in the hills. Wherever you are is home, Saylor.”
What is this squishy feeling crawling up my neck?
“Uncomfortable?” Dante smirks into the phone.
“No,” I say, knowing it’s a lie.
“Okay.” His chuckle makes me inhale sharply because I miss that sound already. “We’ll work on naming your emotions when I get home.”
“I write emotions, Dante. I can name them.” Somehow sass feels safer with so much distance between us. Is it fair? No. Can I help it? Also, no.
“I read a book on the plane,” he says, changing the subject.
“Oh, yeah? About what?” I ask with a frown.
“Depression and anxiety.”
“Real gripping literature there.” My chest tickles like it’s being attacked by butterfly kisses.
“It is,” he says seriously. “And I learned a lot.”
Those butterflies become skin-eating vultures, and I’m clasping my pendant before my brain catches up with the movement.
“Like what?” He’s the only man, the only person who could ever tame my sass with a single expression, and he does it now.
“Well, I learned about disassociation. It’s not only depression and anxiety you deal with. Is it?”
I openly gape at him. “My therapist didn’t explicitly say that I have a dissociative disorder, only that it’s a result of trauma and that all three are closely related, but the difference is, I chose this. I did this to myself so I could control something when the dark days threatened to take everything from me. I taught myself not to let things in. It’s not a secret, Dante. Anyone who’s seen me the last six years could clearly tell I’ve done everything possible to avoid everyone because of the messy emotions people always evoke.”
“But I haven’t seen you. I don’t know anything about anything, and I’m trying to understand. I want to be there for you. To do that, I need to know these things, Saylor.” He sounds pissed, but I don’t want to fight with him.
Besides, he’s right.
“I don’t talk about these things very often. And we keep getting hit with one disaster after another. I’m doing the best I can here.” I sound defensive and bitchy, so I take a deep breath. I’m lifting my hand to my ear when I abruptly change directions.
There’s something about Dante unearthing my secrets that makes me work harder to address them.
“I’m sorry,” he says, softening his tone. “I’m on edge here without you. And Trent has been here at least once.”
Alarm makes my ears ring. “Why do you say that?”
