Page 20 of Falling Into Forever
I was in such a dark place then. I don’t even remember what I said to him. But I did hurt him. His pained expression from that day still haunts my dreams.
“But I have to tell you, Saylor. I never expected the sassy side of you to completely bury the pieces I’ve always loved.” He scans my body slowly, his gaze coasting up my skin like a lover’s caress that I refuse to enjoy.
The pieces he’s always loved.Not only in the past. The fragments of my broken heart collide against each other like pieces of a puzzle that don’t quite fit.
I do not still have feelings for him. I can’t. Yes, I told him to leave, but he didn’t fight for us either. In my darkest days, I lost the only light I had left.
Liar. My conscience can take a flying leap off the nearest flagpole.
My head pounds. Embarrassment and insecurity weigh more than I’m able to carry.
Crossing the one room that’s always been intentionally Dante-free, until now, I pick up my discarded towel and stare out at the lake. This time, I keep a healthy distance between us. Plastic wheels roll over the hardwood floor when he drops into my desk chair, breaking the silence that hangs between us like a steel door.
Please don’t get too comfortable. It won’t end well when you see who I’ve become.
“Go home, Dante.”
“You know I can’t. Walking away from you again will kill me.”
Holy hell.
CHAPTER6
DANTE
“Walking away from you again will kill me.”
Her face goes ashen, and I’ve once again said the wrong thing. She turns on her heel, grabs her laptop, and runs from me.
After Saylor storms out of the room, I stand to stare out over the lake. How do I get past her walls? A few seconds later, she’s walking down her goddamn dock again. Why the fuck does she keep getting so close to the water?
I’m out of her office and chasing her down the back stairs before she reaches the end of the dock, where there are no railings.
She doesn’t know that I’ve never let her go, that my tattoos are so I could always have a piece of her with me, or how desperately I still need her. I want her to know me now, the real me, not the Dante she obviously thinks I’ve become. And I need there to be a way back to us, the way we were before our lives fell apart.
I’ve been broken without her, and it’s an ache I don’t want to carry anymore.
I’ve tried.
Staying away from her was a daily exercise in self-torture. The call from Kate was a reprieve from the pain, but I’d known for weeks that I would come for her.
Trent just had to go and throw a live grenade into my life.
“Walking away from you again will kill me?” she says with a sad-sounding scoff. “It certainly wasn’t killing him when he was partying with that model in LA less than a month ago. What does he think will happen now?”
She mutters her secrets to the lake like an old friend and holds her arms around her middle in a protective shield. “We’re not the same people, Shan, but the outcome will always stay the same.” Her voice trembles, and a visceral pang lances my heart.
She talks to her sister out here.
I’d give anything to be the person she confides in again, or for her to understand how my life has really been for the last six years. Once upon a time, our trust was unbreakable, but it hits me now that we ruined it in the most foolish way.
Even after all this time, she’s still under my skin, and frustration blooms high, so my retort comes out with the sting of her sass. “It won’t be the same, Saylor, because now I know what I’m working with.” She startles, and I reach forward, but she doesn’t fall, thank God. I need to get control of myself.
“I didn’t have all the pieces before,” I say more calmly. “You didn’t tell me the whole story. But I know now.” I flash her a smirk.
She scowls, but I don’t miss the split-second of pain that crosses her face. Jesus. It sinks into my skin like a branding iron.
Her shoulders droop in defeat as sadness muddies her eyes and plays out across her features. “Listen, Dante.” Her tone causes a tiny shiver of dread to course through my body, but I bite my lip to keep from saying anything and wait for her to finish.
