Page 48 of Falling Into Forever
“Betrayal and loss often feel the same,” he says cryptically before turning away from me and jogging down the stairs.
“Do you love her?” I blurt before he hits the bottom.
I’m losing my damn mind.
He pauses and tilts his head to the sky. “Like I said, Sassy and I are not your concern. But because it sounds like she doesn’t need another fucking interrogation, I’ll tell you this. I will always have love for her. But I’ll never be in love again.”
What the hell does that mean? Does he mean he’ll never love her again? Someone else?
“The wheels are turning so fast you have smoke coming from your ears. Stop worrying about what I’m doing, and figure out what you want. Either way, it’s going to be a bumpy road.”
He jogs down the last step and tosses his bottle in the recycling bin at the corner of the house. It irks me that he struts straight to it. How often is he here? I’m the one here now, though, and I need to remember that. I’m the one she loves.
That’s a fact that’s embedded in my soul like my next breath, because he’s right. But it wasn’t only Saylor who was almost crushed by the weight of our loss. I don’t want to live through losing our kind of love again, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure I don’t have to.
* * *
“Hi,”Saylor grunts as she walks past me toward the kitchen.
I chuckle despite my exhaustion. I couldn’t shut off my mind last night and haven’t gotten any sleep.
Saylor was never a morning person, and after seeing her the last few mornings, she might be even worse now. The anxiety that sits like a trapped cat in my stomach eases a bit. At least I still know some things about her.
She moves through her home with her left eye closed and her head tilted like she’s trying to avoid all the sunlight.
My little vampire.
“Good morning, sunshine.” I flash her a wink then sip my coffee.
“Oh, God,” she whines. “Why are you so happy?”
I choke, and coffee comes out of my nose. She sounds exactly like Oscar the Grouch.
Her face pinches even more as I mop up the muddy liquid and laugh.
“I forgot how much you hate mornings,” I say after she has a mug in her hands.
“Ugh.” Now she sounds more annoyed than angry, but there’s a healthy dose of irritation there too. “You’re already dressed?” she asks after she finally opens both eyes.
“Went for a run too.”
“Why? Was someone chasing you?” She places the coffee cup on the table, then leans forward until her cheek is pressed to the cool wood.
“Was someone chasing me?” I chuckle. Trading my chair for the one beside her, I reach over to place a hand on her back but pause midair when I realize she’s serious. “No one was chasing me, Sayl. I couldn’t sleep, so I was burning off some energy. It helps me think.”
“That’s not normal,” she groans. Then she lifts her head only high enough to take a sip of coffee. After inhaling deeply, she sits up, cradling the mug between both hands and staring at it like it holds all the world’s secrets. “Was it because of me?”
I don’t answer at first, and she adds, “Not sleeping? Was that because of me?”
An internal debate wars in my head. How honest does she want me to be? But between remembering how she felt in my arms last night and seeing her hesitation and uncertainty this morning, there’s no going back—I’m all in. So, I tell her the truth.
“It’s everything combined. You. Me. Poppy. Trent and Malimar putting out new press releases every other day. Our past.” She keeps her gaze focused on the steam rising from her mug, but it gets sucked into her mouth when she holds her breath. That’s the moment I know. We’ll never fix the past, but I sure as hell can fight for the future we should already have.
Leaning forward, I tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, and she releases a shaky breath. Then I slip my index finger under her chin and turn her to face me.
“And also, our future.”
Her hands shake, and coffee spills over the side of the mug she’s holding, so I remove it from her grasp. Her fingers immediately ball into fists, and I remember the nail marks I’d seen earlier.
