Page 76 of Falling Into Forever
“For who? Are you sleeping with someone else?” My heart doesn’t beat for a full thirty seconds as she stares at me. A jealous beast roars in my ears, and he sounds ferocious in my words.
What the fuck is going on with me? I’ve never had a jealous bone in my body, but it’s found a light within me when it comes to Saylor. First with Grady, who I probably owe an apology to, and now here, in our bed.
I’m an asshole.
She slides up the mattress and crosses her arms. “For your information, they’ve never been opened, but they’re a precaution, just in case.” Her eyes, like burning embers, glare at me. “How many people haveyouslept with since you left?”
The calm of a moment ago begins to rattle and shake.
“Three,” I say, watching her reaction closely.
The muscles in her face tighten, and she swallows multiple times but doesn’t say anything. Guilt consumes me. It always did. It’s why I didn’t keep relationships.
“What about you?” I ask gently while trying to keep the rage from consuming my tone. I don’t mean to be a hypocrite, but for fuck’s sake. Imagining her with anyone else is screwing me up.What do you think it’s doing to her, asshole?I try to swallow past a boulder of guilt in my throat, but it doesn’t budge.
Her chin shifts like she’s grinding her teeth, then her gaze drops to her lap, and her hand tugs her pendant along the chain.
She doesn’t say anything, but she slowly shakes her head.
None. She slept with no one. More proof that she stopped living. And the worst part is, I can see more clearly why she thought I’d moved on.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The words are so quiet I’m not even sure she hears them, but it’s an acknowledgment of my mistakes, of hers, of ours, and it’s a promise to fix our entire fucking world.
Exhaustion consumes me as the enormity of the last few days wash over me. It’s evident on Saylor’s face too, with the dark circles trying to peek through delicate skin. Every inch of my body screams for rest, but I walk on dead legs and grab a wet cloth from the bathroom.
Her head is still bowed when I return, but she allows me to clean her legs. It’s so much more intimate than anything else we did tonight. And I love it so much more. This is a trust she’s giving me. To care for her body. To protect it from harm. Now I’ll have to convince her to give me her heart too.
When I’ve cleaned her the best I can, I sit back on my heels and stare at her until the weight of the silence makes her look up.
It always did. She loves the silence, but not when it’s deafening.
I toss the towel to the floor and slide under the covers while her gaze stays on mine. Once we’re settled, I pull her body to me, and she rests her head above my heart as I recline against the headboard.
My mind races. I need to say something—acknowledge what I’ve done and she didn’t do. I can’t allow regret to derail us though, so once again, I tell her the truth.
“I never moved on, sweetheart. There’s no replacing you, even when I desperately wanted the pain to stop—it’s always been you. It’s time to start living again, and I want to do that by your side.”
I allow my chin to droop and kiss the top of her head.
Saylor’s breathing evens out almost immediately, and her body sags into mine as sleep overtakes her.
It takes some maneuvering, but I lay us both flat, with her still on my chest, and I run my fingers through her hair while thoughts of our future play out like a black-and-white movie.
But I’m ready to enter our lives in living, vibrant colors, and I’ll blow up the world to keep Saylor at my side because failure is not an option. Not this time.
With that promise running through my mind like an oath, I drift off to a peaceful, sated sleep.
CHAPTER21
SAYLOR
Why am I so freaking hot? Taking stock of my body, I can’t quite register what’s happening. There’s a heavy forearm draped against my bare skin near my ribs with a hand splayed open on my collarbone like a human necklace. I rub my legs together. Hmm, no pants on either.
Geez, Sassy. Get your shit together. I close my heavy lids again, willing my brain to wake up for a change. It must be super early if I can’t think. Am I hungover? Maybe I’m hungover. That would at least explain things.
But my head doesn’t hurt, it’s—blissfully empty.
Then why, for the love of the goddamn sun, am I sweating into my pillow? I hate being hot, and I roll over with a groan. Please don’t let the AC be out again.
