Page 124 of Love Notes & Lifelines
“And do you put their needs ahead of your wants?” she asks with a knowing glint in her eyes.
This was the one place my mother failed—her wants always took precedence over my needs.
“You may not see it, but you always put them first,” she says. “Those babies are lucky to have you.”
“Then why do I feel like the lucky one?”
She smiles as though I’ve missed the point. And maybe I have. “Sometimes in life, people are thrown into your path to test you. Sometimes it’s to make you reevaluate. And sometimes it’s to give you a different kind of chaos so you learn to hang on to what matters in life.”
“What matters?” I’m suddenly a timid little girl again.
“Relationships, Stella. Ones that make you a better person. Ones that test you and push you but never tear you down. Ones that make you view things differently and accept what you can’t change. It’s the ones that make your heart beat and your mind calm. It’s love, Stella. Plain and simple.”
Her words echo in my mind long after she’s gone, but I only spring into action when I hear Emmy moan through the baby monitor.
Grabbing two large bowls, I dump all my supplies in them and head up the stairs.
Emmy is exactly where I left her, staring at the door as if she was waiting for me. I shouldn’t have taken so long.
Beck is still rocking a sleepy Ruby, so I place a bowl on the table to his right, not that a one-year-old will ever make it in abowl. He seems to be thinking the same thing because when I back away, he smirks.
“It’s worth a shot,” I whisper with a shrug, and his smirk widens into a dimpled grin full of promises. His green eyes crinkle at the corners and the man looks…content.
It’s a sexy look.
I grab the medicine and pour some into a little cup for Emmy, then turn the bottle upside down and measure Ruby’s dose in a syringe. Emmy downs it like a champ, and I hand her a cracker.
“Can you try to eat one of these?”
She mumbles something unintelligible, but takes the cracker and crawls up the bed to the pillows. Shoot. She probably should have eaten the cracker first.
Ruby rests with rosy cheeks on Beck’s chest right under his chin, so when I lean in to insert the syringe into her mouth, we’re nose to nose.
“You’re too good for us,” he whispers.
When Ruby’s lips begin sucking, I squirt the rest of the Tylenol into her mouth, then run a finger over her heated face.
“I don’t think that’s true,” I say without lifting my gaze from Ruby’s chubby cheeks.
He catches my wrist with his free hand before I can pull away, then he draws me closer and places a gentle kiss on my lips. “I don’t deserve you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fight to keep you.”
Blood rushes in my ears and my face must be flaming because his words have the effect of a torch gun.
Then Emmy whimpers and I jump back. I’m rushing to her side, but it’s too late. The sheets are ruined. It’s in her hair, down her pj’s, and all over the carpet.
I’m in it now, and there’s no going back. Lifting her from the bed, I carry her toward the tub.
“It’s going to be a long night,” I call over my shoulder.
“With you, I’m ready for anything.” Beck doesn’t raise his voice, but his words fill the space, taking up all the oxygen.
“Teamwork,” I mutter, and hear his soft chuckle.
“Come on, little lady. Maybe a shower this time.” Emmy rests her head on my shoulder as though it’s the only place she wants to be.
I thought I couldn’t be a good mother because of how I grew up, but I can do this, and I can do it well.
I may not be her mother, but I already love her like she’s mine.
