Page 154 of Love Notes & Lifelines
“What?” he asks. He must read the skepticism on my face. “I did.”
“I believe you.” If Beck has proved anything, it’s that he’s a man of his word.
When I turn back to my mother, she’s crying. It’s usually a sign that we’re about to lose her, and I nearly scream at how unfair it all is.
“Mom, don’t cry. What’s wrong?”
It takes her a long time to answer, but after Beck hands her a tissue and helps her dry her eyes, she finally says, “You’re going to be such a beautiful bride. I hope I get to see it.”
A sob breaks from my chest, and Beck coughs to hide his emotions. “No, Mama,” I say through the salty taste of tears. “You’ll see me. You will.”
She nods, then pats my hand, because we both know it’s a lie.
“Hi, Auwowa,” Emmy pokes her head up on the other side of my mother’s bed. No matter how many times we tell her that my mother’s name is Laura, she won’t have it. To her, she’s Auwowa because Aurora is Sleeping Beauty.
And tonight, it fits. Laura Anderson has always been beautiful, but tonight, she glows, and somehow, deep down in my soul, I know our days are numbered.
“Now there’s a princess no one could forget.”
Emmy beams at her, then rounds the bed and climbs into Beck’s lap. Ruby doesn’t want to be held, so I keep a close eye on her as she plays at our feet.
Emmy and I tell her about my dress, and for a brief moment, I consider running upstairs to try it on for her, but fear keeps me in my seat. If I go and she doesn’t remember me when I get back, it’ll crush me.
So instead, the four of us sit and talk. We laugh and I brush away silent tears. She tires too soon and when she blinks slowly,then pauses between each one, I know it’s only a matter of seconds before I’m erased from her life again.
It will never get easier. Even knowing it will happen, it’s still a loss, a mourning, every time it happens.
“I love you, Mom.”
Her gaze struggles to focus, but one side of her face smiles. “I love you, my sweet girl.”
She’s told me she loves me all my life. But this one, tonight, is the one that binds all my heartache and revives my soul. I needed to hear this from her, and I’ll cherish this moment long after she’s gone.
Her eyes close, and this time she falls asleep. I scan the entire room, committing every detail to memory. This is the moment I’ll recall when I remember her. This one blip in time when she saw me happy and healthy and surrounded by love.
“It’s getting late,” Beck whispers, tucking me into his side. “Why don’t you take the girls to bed? I’m going to check in with the Teddy brigade, then I’ll join you.”
I don’t fight him because I have nothing left to fight with tonight. The wave of emotions never seems to end. It’s exhausting, and I’ll need all my strength for court tomorrow. So I kiss my mother goodnight, then lift a yawning Ruby into my arms. Emmy slips her hand into my free one, and we head upstairs to sleep.
The bed dipson Beck’s side and my arm snaps out to catch a child. It takes me a few seconds to get my bearings and understand that Ruby is still asleep on my chest and Emmy is tucked under my other arm in between us. The movement has Daisie stirring at the foot of the bed.
The stinking dog isn’t supposed to be down there, but she managed it tonight.
“Shh,” Beck whispers, carefully dragging Ruby from my grasp and placing her between us. “I can’t believe she slept through your snoring.”
My nose scrunches up and my jaw hangs open. Even in the dark, I can see he’s trying to suppress a laugh.
“I was not snoring.”
“You were, but it was cute. It also shows how tired you are. Go back to sleep.”
“What time is it?”
“Four.”
“In the morning?” I nearly roll out of bed.
“Shh. Yes. Four in the morning,” he whispers.
