Page 93 of Love Notes & Lifelines
Tabby stops mid-song and her eyes mist when they connect with mine. “Isn’t that obvious?”
Turning my eyes to the road, I say, “Not to me.”
“She loved you, Beck. And she trusted you more than anyone in her life, even me. I’m the backup plan, but these girls were always meant to be with you. She knew it would be hard. She knew you’d feel overwhelmed. But she also knew that no matter what, you’d always put them first.”
In the mirror I see her hands holding each of the girls’ little fingers. Would they be better off with her?
“And I’ve been going through IVF treatments,” she says, surprising me. “They aren’t working—they didn’t work,” she corrects. “It, ah, well, it hit me emotionally in ways I wasn’tprepared for. I’m not in a place where I could care for them like they need and deserve.”
I glance at Leo, but he keeps his head tilted toward the window.
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” I say, surprised at how much I care about her pain.
“Thank you, but regardless, they’re meant to be with you. I don’t know all the details of what made you leave your home and everyone who loved you, but I can tell you that Cally understood, and she never held it against you. Unlike me,” she teases, but I wonder if there’s a grain of truth in her words when she won’t meet my gaze in the mirror.
“I’m kidding, Bear,” she says with an uncomfortable laugh. “But trust me, Cally never resented your choices. In fact, she was so proud of you. She loved you. If nothing else, believe that. She loved you and she trusted you with the most precious gifts in her world—her girls.”
I pull into the parking lot of the jeweler with a brick of emotion lodged in my throat.
“I’m surprised you’re buying a real ring for a fake engagement.” Leo gives me a smirk, pulling me from my sadness. What do I say to that?
Is it fake? Yes, right? But I can’t shake the fact that everything is beginning to feel so real.
“Is it fake, Beck?” Tabby leans forward and places a hand on my shoulder. “Do you want it to be fake?”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I close my eyes. “I don’t know,” I admit. “We haven’t known each other for very long, and she’s the nanny, for Christ’s sake.”
“But…” Tabby encourages.
“It doesn’t feel fake,” I say with a sigh. “Not when we’re playing house, and not when we work so well together. Not whenshe ignites a protectiveness I’ve never had before. Not when I want to crush every fucking thing that hurts her?—”
“You do need to start watching your mouth,” Tabby interrupts.
I’m not sure why I invited them to come with me. I never ask anyone to do anything because I prefer to be alone.
Parenting is messing with my mind. I don’t believe in love, yet here I am loving two little girls and their nanny. I don’t have friends, yet Tabby and Leo drone on as though we were separated at birth.
I jump out of the SUV when the walls start closing in. I should have given this one to Stella. It’s too crowded.
Leo exits the car next. “Take a deep breath, Beck.” I whirl on him with so much pent-up energy I might actually take a swing at him.
I’m not someone who loses control. Is this another thing parenting does? Make you fucking insane?
“Tabby will get the girls out and take them on a walk. Let’s go pick out a ring for your maybe baby.”
“Don’t call her a maybe baby, you dick.”
“What do you suggest I call her then?” he asks with a shit-eating grin on his stupidly smug face.
Mine. That’s the only word I hear in my head at his question. Just call her mine.
“That was fast,”Tabby says when we exit the store. And she’s right because I knew exactly what I wanted—simple, clean, elegant, and perfect.
“Marco’s the best. When I called him this morning, he already had a good idea of what I wanted for her.”
Tabby smirks. She holds a sleeping Ruby to her chest on the bench while Emmy dances around us.
“I told Elijah I’d stop by the office to sign a few things while we’re here, and I need to grab a few files we don’t have loaded onto our server yet.” Leo arches a brow. “I haven’t figured out how to be in two places at once, okay?”
