Page 15 of Love Notes & Lifelines
Who am I kidding? I haven’t had a sex life in—well, since the night I explored every inch of Stella’s mouth. Not because of her, but because…of work. I don’t do relationships, and one-night stands are trickier in the age of social media.
The lies we tell ourselves. Get a grip, Beck—you’re spiraling.
“Would I give you a sex line number?” he asks. I raise a brow. “Fine, I probably would, but that’s not what this is. It’s a hotline for single dads and new dads of a certain wealth. You reach out, explain your situation, and you’re assigned a helper that will be available to you twenty-four hours a day. If someone falls and you don’t know what to do, you call. If someone gets sick at two in the morning, you call. If you need to hire a nanny and don’t know what questions to ask, they’ll help you. They’ll guide you through all the hiccups of first-time parenting.”
I turn it over in my fingertips, but everything is a blur. My mind is too crowded with memories vying for my attention. Memories of Cally and me. Images of these two mini-humans I’m expected to care for.
I cough to clear the emotion clogging my throat and use the girls’ medical records as a distraction. Why would they have two pediatricians? The one in Sailport Bay I recognize, but the one here in Raleigh—she must have done that for my benefit.
Flipping to the final page, I pause at the sealed letter from my sister. Her penmanship is shaky, but I’d recognize the way she writes the B in my name anywhere.
“You’ll do great things one day, Bear, so your name should start with a flourish.”If I concentrate really hard, I can almost hear her voice. A barricade breaks and tears flood my cheeks. I hated her for choosing the family that destroyed our own, but I loved her too. Growing up, she was the most important person in my life. I love her and hate her and I—I loved her.
How could I let her die this way? I should have saved her.
Time passes slowly as I read the instructions from Cally, then hand them to Elijah so he can take notes of his own, which seem to consist of making lists full of baby supplies.
I can’t bring myself to open her letter because I’m a coward.
Whatever’s in there will break me.
“I let her down,” I say quietly.
“You were hurting.”
“It’s been seven years since my mom died, Elijah. Seven years since I found out she planned to marry Davis and pulled the rug out from under me and my company. And now it’s too late—they’re both gone.”
Ruby cries on the other side of the door, and I stand on instinct. No idea how to help her, but the sound tugs on something inside me, urging me forward.
“So what are you going to do?” Elijah asks.
Freezing in the middle of the room, I look down at the metal business card still clutched in my fist. “I’m going to take a crash course in parenting and hope I don’t sink them or my company in the process.”
Maybe focusing on the girls’ needs will make it easier to ignore the guilt trying to suffocate me.
“The Single Dad Hotline,” Elijah says with a wink. “It’s been growing in popularity in our circles for about a year. It’ll cost you a pretty penny, but it’ll be worth it if the baby starts teething and you have no idea how to calm her down.”
I flinch at his words. “I’ve never been around kids. What was she thinking leaving them to me?”
He shrugs, but sympathy shines in his eyes. “What was her alternative?”
A disgusted growl vibrates in my chest. “Danica Delacroix. For some reason, my cousin, Tabby, isn’t an option.”
“Oh, Beck. She really didn’t have a choice, did she?”
No, she didn’t. It was me or a woman who puts the devil to shame.
“No,” I say, then exhale a long breath. “I have to do this, right?”
It’s an idiotic question. Of course I do. There’s no telling what kind of life the girls would have with Danica, but I do know it wouldn’t be healthy or happy. And somewhere, buried deep, lives a need to do this for my sister.
Reaching for the door, I turn back to him. “Wait. How do you know about the Single Dad Hotline?”
“From a friend of mine,” he says elusively.
“Care to expand on that? Did it work? Is it worth it?”
“Yeah, Beck. It’s worth it. Have you ever even held a baby before?”
