Page 146 of Love Notes & Lifelines
Her head swishes from left to right, causing sheetrock dust to fall into her silky brown hair.
We’ll both need a shower.
“Well,” she calls over her shoulder. “There are light switches and a big lever or handle-like thing next to it.” She pulls her head from the hole, with an extra-large ziplock bag in her hand. “Do you know why there’s another wall back there?”
I nod, hold my hand out to her, and wait for her to join me, but I can’t tear my gaze away from the bag in her hand. When she slips her palm into mine, she passes me the bag containing a giant ratty teddy bear.
“It’s Bear,” I say.
Her brows furrow.
Opening the bag, I take out the stuffed animal and the note he has pinned to his belly. It reads, “Bear protected me through college and life. Now it’s time he found his way home.”
“I gave Cally my prized possession when she went to college,” I tell Stella. “Even though she technically still lived at home, she kept him.”
“Bear? Dog? You really have a way with names.” Stella laughs. It pulls a chuckle from my chest.
Then I look up, waiting for her to do the same. Her gasp is a lightning strike to my heart, jump-starting me into motion.
“Did you put a hole in the roof?”
A chuckle shakes my shoulders. “No, sweetheart. This was Cally’s observatory.”
Stella’s forehead creases when she tilts her chin to me but keeps her head back so she can still stare at the darkening sky.
“This was her sanctuary when we were kids. She spent more time in this room than anywhere else—at least for a while. She stopped coming up here.”Because of me.
Stella steps in front of me, no longer staring at the stars that will soon shine bright. “What happened to it?”
The truth slices my tongue like shards of glass, but I speak through it. “I happened, Stella. She lost her safe space because of me.”
Her face crumbles but compassion shines in her eyes.
“Shower with me? I’ll tell you the story, but I need to get cleaned up to see what she left me.” I hold the file folder to my chest with a viselike grip.
Whatever’s in here will change everything—it’s a truth that settles into my lungs more painfully than frigid air. But I also think it’s a truth that will bring us peace, so keeping Stella’s hand in mine, I lead her to the stairs, ensuring she takes care stepping over nails, two-by-fours, and broken Sheetrock.
The first swing of the sledgehammer was cathartic, the last therapeutic, and together, they might just lead me home.
In the hallway, I bypass her old room and the master that’s become ours in recent weeks, opting instead for Cally’s room at the front of the house.
It’s no longer adorned with posters of pop bands and movie stars. Now it houses his-and-her desks that face each other. Bookcases run the length of the room. One half is filled with romance novels and business how-to guides, the other half with books on nature and hiking. The bottom row is for the girls. Board books, picture books, and what looks like short chapter books run along the floor that’s covered in bean bags and throw pillows.
I’ve been in here a few times, and the picture the room conjures doesn’t change. I can so easily picture Davis at his desk and Cally at hers while the girls play and read at their feet.
It’s so domestic and full of life. It’s been too painful to spend any time in here, but now I need the pain. I need to immerse myself in their life, the way it should have been, so I can understand what it was that had them scared enough to allow me to push them away.
We walk through the room, and I pause to drop the folder and teddy bear onto Cally’s desk but can’t remove my hand. Peering at the open door, I lift the folder to my side and carry it into the bathroom with us.
I trust every person in this house, but I can’t be sure we’ve found every camera yet.
Leo surprised the shit out of me when he arrived back here, without Stella but with arms full of gear, and went to work scanning every inch of the downstairs with military precision.
He’s led an entire life I haven’t been part of, and the sadness of that fact is crushing, especially since I did it to myself. Now that I’ve opened these doors, the truth of what I’ve lost presses down on me.
Then there’s Stella, who stands at the shower stall with worry written in every line of her face. She opens her arms to me as she’s opened her heart to make us a family, and anger overpowers my fear at the thought that Danica could have taken this from me.
It fortifies my resolve. It makes me stronger and more determined than I’ve ever been in my life.
